Worth sinning for(Salvis)

If you ever need a freind

(Travis Pov)

I push open the old window in my room. It's jammed and takes all the force in my body. I'm not that strong. My father makes sure to remind me of that. As soon as it budges open, I can smell the sweet air as it bites my nose with the bitter cold of winter. For the first time all morning I felt something. Cold. The fresh breeze smells like rain but not in a good summer way but in a cold, clammy way. In a way where puddles will splash into your socks and make your feet all wrinkled.

"TRAVIS" I jump quickly pushing closed the window now forced back into the reality I live. My dad. My mom. My school. Me.

"TRAVIS LAST WARNING BOY OR IM COMING UP THERE" my father shouts from downstairs

I rush down the stairs as fast as I can without falling trying to fix my backpack on my shoulders but it just bunches up my sweater. I can never win. I shouldn't be so negative. God gave me a good life. With a loving mother. And a father. And a house.

"Ready father" I say reaching the end of the stairs my fathers back is turned from me putting on his coat he turns to face me.

"Fix your face boy god has blessed us with a good day" he says buttoning his big coat. When I was little, I once put it on and paraded around the house with it on for my mother. We laughed, sang, and danced the whole night. For the last time. My father got home and saw his dinner was not ready. His coat was on the floor and me and my mother were dancing in the kitchen. He beat me and my mother for the first time that night. It never stopped even though I hoped it would. I prayed to God every night hoping he would help me please my father, help my mother make better dinner to help my father control his anger but God pushed me aside like the vegetables on a child's plate.

*smack*

I wince on the impact pulling my hand to my face only to get another hit on the hand.

"Don't get so lost in thought boy and be a man one slap shouldn't hurt" I don't want it to but my face burns and stings where he hits the pain sinking in tears welting in my eyes. This is why God punishes me. Because I'm weak.

"Get your head on Travis let's go" he says grabbing the handle of the front door and kissing my mother on the cheek. My mother. The most beautiful women in the world. She loves me.

I walk out of the door and the wind stings my ankles and passes right through my sweater causing me to shiver a bit.

My father smiles "I'm a little chilly" he laughs, crunching through the icy snow while walking to the car. I get in the back seat setting my backpack on the seat beside me and watch as the trees start to run by the car. The car is silent because loud music that is not in the name of the lord is a sin. At least that's what my father says.

I watch as the trees go from running to walking and then completely stop. I open the door and say goodbye to my father, closing the door a bit too hard knowing I'll pay for it later, but I don't care right now. I'm where no one can bother me. School.

Here no one can push me around. I do the pushing around. The only problem is him. Sal fisher. I've always had sinful emotions and feelings towards him. He's why God punishes me in such ways. Because it's a sin to look at boys that way when you yourself are a boy.

Him. I see him and his friends their a bunch of fags who are gonna rot in hell.

The bell rings and I walk to my first period. I don't really remember much at school. It feels more like I float through the halls. But at least no one bothers me.

It's finally 4th period math. I have it with him. I stare at his bubblegum blue pigtails. As Much as I hate him, I can't help but turn in my chairs and stare at him. He's asleep. During a math test in which I don't even know the answer to question 2. He's either really stupid or really smart.