Trying To Maintain

T W E N T Y - T W O

Boot

"Is you going to talk or you just going to stand there and look at me?" I ask Drevon with my lip curled up in annoyance. He kind of cornered me in my new cell that I share with Bird. So I agreed to talk to him in his cell after chow. Which is why I'm in here with him now. I don't think we should have closed the door, but I don't know what's going to be said or done.

"Yeah, I'm just happy to be able to talk to you one-on-one." He says smiling. "I didn't see you at chow, you good?"

I hate his face.

I scoff and cross my arms over my chest. "Wuzzam, mane? I'm not trying to be here all damn day."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"I know you sorry, if you wanted to tell me how sorry you are you could have kept that. I already know you a sorry ass nigga." I tell him a little mad.

"Damn, baby, chill." He says trying to touch my arm.

I move away from him, "ain't no chill shit. Say what you got to say so I can get the fuck."

"Alright," he blows a breath out of his mouth. "I apologize—for everything. I apologize for fucking that girl, I apologize for hiding my daughter from you—everything. I only fucked Tate one time. I swear when you told me to choose you or her, I chose you, and I told her that her and I couldn't fuck around no more. She came to me the day before she got transferred to another unit and begged me to fuck her. I mean she was crying and everything saying it was the least I could do for her since she did so much for me. So, I obliged and fucked one time. I swear, it was only that one time. I didn't know she would end up pregnant." Drevon says to me with a pleading look in his eyes.

"You know what I hate, Drevon?" I ask with my irritation clearly present in my tone.

"What?"

"A dumb, smart mother fucker." His face scrunches up in confusion after I say that.

"Wha-"

"Did y'all use a condom?" I ask.

"No."

"Then it don't matter what you thought dumbass! All it take is one fucking time to fuck someone for them to end up pregnant! You could have got something from that bitch too!" I say kind of loud. I'm not trying to yell, but that dumb shit just pissed me off.

I might not know a lot about some stuff, but I for damn sure know how fucking works. So I know if I know enough to know that all it takes is one time to fuck, his extra knowledgeable ass knows it too.

"Okay, okay. That does sound dumb, but I didn't even think about the possibility. It was a sympathy fuck. I felt sorry because she started crying after I told her no the first couple of times. I was thinking about you at first and then she started crying so I felt bad."

"So had you not had a baby with her, you would've never told me about it?" I ask.

"To be real, no. It really meant nothing to me at all." He says.

"You know what I find funny?" I chuckle humorlessly. "How is it that you say you got to have feelings for somebody to fuck, but you fucked her. You love her?"  I ask even though I'm afraid of his answer.

"I don't love her, bae. I did grow a little attached to the idea of her. There were some feelings involved, but hey were basic; minimal. Your feelings and who you are to me trump everything about her."

"Don't sit here and fucking lie, Drevon. You say that, but you ended up fucking the bitch after I sat up and told you that I'm not going to be cool with you fucking me and her at the same time!" I say in one breath because the shit blew me.