Trying To Maintain

T W E N T Y - O N E

Drill

I know I fucked up, but I didn't think we'd be going this long without talking to each other. Having a cell to myself wasn't as peaceful as I though it would be. I've tried going over to Tim's cell to talk to him, that ain't work. The nigga Bird act like his body guard. I really hope they ain't fucking.

I only see him when he going to work, and coming back. This nigga hardly comes to chow now. I mean, his commissary bag is heavy, so him coming to chow is a choice, he really don't have to. But still.

I miss him.

I miss him so fucking much. These two months have felt like a lifetime. I have done a total of thirteen years locked up, time ain't ever went by this long. It has been sixty-four days since I've talked to him. Sixty-four days since we've kissed. Sixty-eight days since we've had sex. This by far has been the longest sixty-four days of my life. And it's all my fault.

"Jones," I hear the CO call at the front of my cell. "Get decent, you got visitation today." I get up with some pep in my step. Since our people became cool, they usually ride up here together. That means, I'll get to sit next to him during visitation. Well, that's if he not being petty and asks his people to move away from mine.

Either way, I'm going to be happy, Geneva finally agreed to let them bring my baby to visit me. Even though she always keeps us updated with pictures and phone calls, she said she was scared to let them bring her to visit me. She said there is a possibility they would recognize Timia as her daughter and start an investigation. I'm not sure what finally got her to change her mind, but I'm glad about it.

Since I was expecting their visit, I put on my starched and ironed federal issued khaki outfit. I put on my least worn shoes, so I look fresh. I had brushed my teeth just a few minutes prior to him getting here, so I walk out feeling like everything is going to work in my favor.

"You looking sharp today, kin folk." CO Jones jokes with me.

"Aye, gotta do what I can, when I can kin folk." I say playfully.

"I hear you, mane." Jones ended up being one of the cool CO's. I'm surprised he stayed. A lot of these people quit after they're "turned loose", or finish their OJT.

We finally make it to the visitation room. "Thank you, kin folk," I tell Jones and start to walk towards my family. I see Boot's people, but he's not out here yet. When I see my baby girl I smile really big. My got damn cheeks hurt I'm smiling so hard. All thirty-two teeth on full display.

"Hey daddy's baby!" I say excited as hell reaching out to hold her for the first time.

She smiles real big at me, showing her dimples. But instead of reaching for me, she looks at my daddy, like she's asking him for confirmation.

"That's your daddy mama's." He smiles at her. She then reaches her arms out for to pick her up.

When I get her, she wraps her little arms around her neck, "mm mm." She says squeezing me. I damn near melted.

I'm not going to sit here and cap, I shed a tear.

She smell just like Johnson & Johnson.

My t jones kept some baby lotion in the house.

I inhale her like a weirdo. I love the way it smells. After a short while of just basking in the moment with my baby for the first time, I look to my people.

"Hey, uncle's baby!" I tell DeeDee, happy to see her. I put Timia in my left arm and pick DeeDee up in my right. "You getting big on me girl! In a minute I'm not going to be able to pick you up no more." I tell her with a big smile.