Dangerous Muse (ASHLEY 10) ☑

Chapter 3

|Chapter|3|Innocent|

Lagi kong nakikita ang mga mali sa ginagawa ng mga tao. Mas nauuna kong napapansin ang mga pangit kaysa sa mga magaganda. Madalas napupuna ko ang mga mali at hindi ang tama. Those are my shades that I don't want to color. But it's difficult to avoid.

Now that it's clear and final, that Jeremiah and I are officially friends, I feel more comfortable around him. I am honestly expecting our classmates to bully us from time to time, dahil alam kong ganoon naman talaga ang likas ng tao. Mahilig mang-insulto, pero kapag ibinalik mo ang kabustusan nila, nagagalit.

The only thing I know I need to do is to store more patience, ayaw kong makita ulit ni Jeremiah ang pagkataong ayaw kong ipakita muna. I'm still young, a kid, and I want to stay like that. It's not yet the right time. Pwede ko pang gawin ang mga gusto ko... sa  ngayon.

My future is uncertain, I don't know if I will have more friends later on, or I'll be alone again. But now that I have Jeremiah, I want to spend my days in a way that I won't regret anything. That if one day we're not friends anymore, when he'll throw me out of his life... those moments we created will be worth reminiscing.

Having him as my friend makes me feel contented. Satisfied. Unexplainable level of being Ecstatic.

Maybe I'm seeing a great destruction ahead of me, viewing things using my pessimistic eyes, concluding my future to include a lot of blood and darkness. I just don't want to hope... for a brighter offing. It's just too vague for me to even believe that I can also avail one.

Ashleys aren't just Ashleys. Our kind of living couldn't be understood by everyone, or maybe they'll try to understand but will just end up judging us. Pero sabagay, what's there that are not to judge? The blood working in our veins, and even our surname itself stands as a proof that we aren't innocent. At a very young age, I got to stab someone, I held a real gun, saw so many dreadful scenes... learned to do evil things.

We are criminals. And who would want to be with a criminal? No one.

Bakit ka pipili ng madumi, kung pwede naman iyong malinis?

Maswerte nga lang sila Daddy, they found someone who accepted them. Pero kami? I don't think so. It'll be a miracle for us to be loved by someone wholeheartedly. Kung mayroon mang magmamahal sa amin, siguro walang minuto na hindi nila naiisip ang mga kasamaan namin. And they will later on decide to break us, to find someone who is way better.

I just hope Ate Dyesebel will be able to find a man who will love her unconditionally. Kahit siya nalang. Kasi wala naman siyang nagawang masama... hindi katulad ko, nila Kuya, at ng mga pinsan namin. She's the only exemption. And she don't deserve pain... Please no punishments for me.

Truth to be told, I envied her. Nung naintindihan ko na kung anong klaseng negosyo ang meron kami, at nung sinabi ni Lola Purple na lahat kami ay mamahala nito... I realized so many things. But I was enlightened afterwards, kaya ngayon, siguro naiinggit parin ako sa kaniya, pero hindi na masyado. At isa pa... matagal pa naman iyong turno ko.

"Sigurado ka ba, Muse?"

I still have a lot of time to pretend... free and clean. Dahil darating ang araw na kahit na ang pinakamabait kong ngiti, ay kakatakutan ng lahat.

"Yep. Don't worry, Jeremiah, hindi naman ako super maarte." Pangungumbinsi ko sa kaniya.

We are already on our way outside the school's gate. Just like what I told him yesterday, I informed my mother about my plan to eat outside the school-- sa Tita ni Jeremiah. Hindi naman nagtanong masyado si Mommy, it seems like she's supporting me with everything that I want to do. Does she know?