Feels like home.

Part 3.

I turned around, shocked. My insides turned and my whole body felt numb. His icy blue eyes pierced into mine and my knees were getting weak. I never thought this was the place where we´d meet again. I knew denying it was me wouldn´t help cause after all, this was Damon we were talking about. ´H-hi.' I stuttered, not knowing what else to say to him after all this time. 'So you decided to come back, how nice of you.' His voice sounded stern and his face didn't show any sign of happiness whatsoever, not that I was counting on seeing a happy Damon, back in the good old days I barely saw a happy Damon and seeing how I left him and his brother to hang I was surprised how nice he had actually sounded. 'I'm not here to stay.' I said, proud that I was able to keep my voice from shaking again, Damon always made me feel uncomfortable, but the way his gaze was tearing me apart made me even feel worse than I ever did in his presence. Of course he could be gentle, a side he never aknowledged and rather kept it to himself, but there were some human parts left in him, but he sure as hell wasn't showing them now. This day was hard enough without Damon lecturing me and I wanted to flee. 'So that's what you've become huh.' 'What do you mean?' I started backing away, but he took one step closer to me every time I did, so there was no point escaping. Damon was 200 years older than me, so he would catch up with me immediately if I ran away, he was not as fast as Stefan but I was still no match for him. 'Well, since you're her doppelganger I shouldn't be surprised that you also act like her.' He said with that famous smirk on his face. That hurt, that really hurt. But I wasn't going to let him get to me, it was like showing weakness to a predator, it was a dangerous thing to do 'cause if you did, he knew he'd caught you and Damon was like a predator, looking for weak spots. 'Knock it off Damon. Just because I chose Stefan doesn't mean I'm like Katherine.' I knew that remark was out of line but I couldn't help myself, Damon made me nervous and made me feel weak after all this time.. I didn't want to feel like this, this was one of the reasons I went away, I thought I had gotten better in controlling myself but I was already losing control of the cool façade I was trying to hold up. I saw something cross over his face but it was gone before I could realize what it was. 'Thank you Elena. You made it very clear, again. Why don't you just put it in a letter again. Seeing how you like to write and all.' He gritted through his teeth, shock rushed through my body. When I had met Damon I thought he was scary and mean, but then I got to know the real him and realized it was all an act to keep people at a safe distance, but I think he has lost al humanity in him, seeing how easily he could rip me apart with only words. 'I'm sorry Damon, I didn't mean that. Can't you spare me some credit though? I just buried my brother..' That last sentence came out as a whisper. I felt the pain crushing me, the funeral had a bigger impact on me than I thought it would and I wasn't ready to face everyone yet, Damon especially. I played with my hair just to keep focused on something so I wouldn't break down. 'It's not my fault you ran away, leaving your mortal brother behind.' I didn't know this Damon, of course I knew he could be cruel but this was beyond his normal snappy remarks. I took one step closer. 'What happened to you Damon?' I asked him, taking another step when he didn't back away. He shrugged. 'I don't know what you mean.' 'What happened, Damon?' I reached out my hands and cupped his face with them. He didn't pull away, and I looked him right in the eyes, searching for something that reminded me of the old Damon. And then I found it, the way only Damon could look at me, with all the love of the world in his eyes. It was there for a moment, but I've seen it and that was enough for me. He knew what I saw and he let his guard down. 'You happened,' He said with a raspy voice. 'How did you expect me to be? Seriously? No word from you, only that stupid letter?' He started getting angry, I knew he was trying to push me away, but I wasn't going to let him. This was the Damon I loved and still do, just not in the way he wanted me too. 'I thought it was best if you and Stefan could live a normal life.. Without me. Do you know how I felt, Damon? How lonely I've been? I had to leave everyone I loved behind, but I did it for you.' I sighed, trying to keep my calm. I had so many mood swings it made me crazy. 'Remember the accident, when I was human? My parents drove off the bridge and Stefan saved me. After that, I felt like I didn't know how to live anymore, that I didn't want to. And when Matt drove us off the bridge, again. I made a decision. Matt should live, no matter what happened, so I let Stefan rescue him first, and I accepted my destiny. I felt peaceful knowing that Matt was safe. I could die in peace, and then Meredith screwed up and my life was destroyed. I became what I feared the most.' I had to stop, because tears were flowing again. 'Walk with me.' Damon took my hand and lead me away from the graveyard while I was barely able to walk, I still sucked as a vampire. I didn't even notice where we were going and when I did it was almost too late. I had been dreaming about this and this house forever, knowing that the person I ached to see the most was still living there and smelling his familiar scent was way too much. 'No Damon, I don't want to see Stefan. Please. Don't do this, for me, for him.' I begged. 'Well, maybe you shouldn't have come here in the first place then.' He was his old self again, but I could see I had hurt him, now that I knew human Damon was still in there I decided I wasn't going to give up on him, he deserved that much. 'Just one night Damon, tomorrow I'll go and see him, but just not today.' He nodded and we walked in opposite direction. The house was compelling me to go inside, but I knew if I did I would fall right back in his arms and he would tell me he didn't want me anymore and then my life would be over, oh the irony. My life basically was over, but whatever, you know what I mean.

The silence didn't feel awkward, it felt right somehow. 'I liked you better when you were a brunette.' Damon said breaking the silence. 'I was hoping nobody would recognize me, but Matt already did. Poor Matty..' He chuckled lightly. 'Your eyes gave you away.' I nodded and we walked to a meadow, and we sat down in the grass looking at the stars. This place brought back so many memories, looking at the star filled sky made me think about the way Stefan and I would climb on the roof and gaze at the stars for hours, just lying next to each other, talking about random things and everything was perfect, I was still human and had a future. We talked about nothing in particular, avoiding the heavy subjects and I was thankful for that. 'How is he?' I asked, afraid of the answer. You know sometimes, your brain wants to ask a question but your heart's afraid of the answer? Well it was like that, but I needed to know. 'He's not ripping people apart.' I sighed in relieve, deep down I knew Stefan wouldn't turn into the ripper he was before, because I knew he still felt guilty about that and guilt was always the thing that kept Stefan from turning into a monster. 'That's all. He does nothing. He keeps doing the same thing over and over again, he gets up, goes to school, and goes to bed. On the weekends he's drunk. And that's it. He's either drunk or sleeping.' I didn't know how to react so I just sat there, staring into the darkness. 'But when he knows you're back he'll come around. I'm sure.' He was trying to cheer me up, what made me feel worse. The tone of his voice wasn't very convincing and I realized it was going to take a lot from the both of us to get back to the way we used to be, if that was even possible. When I thought about Stefan, I felt guilt and remorse, I felt like the pain was overwhelming me, like waves of the ocean crushing me. 'I don't want him to know.' Damon noticed my change in mood and cocked his eyebrows. 'O my god, you've got to be kidding me. You're seriously not in love with Stefan anymore? Please call the papers the impossible happened.' His voice dripping of sarcasm, but a hint of surprise was in there too if you listened closely. 'I didn't say that Damon. It's just.. I don't want to go back to my old life again. It's too much. Stefan reminds me of the old me, I'm not like that anymore. I've hurt him too much, I can't get back with him.' Damon seemed to think about that for a second. 'Now is the part where I'm supposed to beg you to stay and tell you everything is going to be alright. But guess what, I'm so over that. If you don't want to stay. Fine, just leave. But don't bother coming around anymore, cause I will hurt you if you come back and devastate my brother and me again. I've loved you with a fire red but it now turning blue, ya know.' He rolled his eyes and me and stood up. 'Just so you know, you're just like Catherine, why have one brother when you can have two? But you know what, you can't have both of us. I'll make it easy for you, I don't want you. I'm being harsh on you and I'm sorry but you ruined Stefan and he is still my little bro. So I suggest you get the hell out of here when you have no intention of fixing him.' I just sat there watching Damon, letting his words sink in. I remembered how I felt coming back here, feeling like I came home. Maybe I owed it to all of my friends, to try again and maybe this time I would succeed. I needed to be strong this time and do the right thing, I had to set myself aside and stop being selfish. 'Damon, wait.' He didn't turn around but he stood still, I knew I had him where I wanted too. 'Thank you. For being my friend. But please don't ask me to hurry things with Stefan, let me figure this one out on my own. I won't go away again I promise, but just.. Don't push me. I've hurt Stefan and you enough already, and I don't want to make the wrong decisions.' 'Well then, that's settled. Make sure you're ready tomorrow night. I´m going to show you what you´ve missed.' And with that, he left. Leaving me with all this questions.