bakukiri oneshots

🍂 traitor 🍂

bakumina
angst

I don't understand.

The last few weeks, were they all just lies? Were you being fake? Did you feel guilty for loving someone else? Was that why you didn't fight when I broke up with you? Why you just stood there and took it?

Did you ever love me at all? Those little dirty notes that you left around the house, did you mean them? Genuinely? Or did they make you want to throw up each time you wrote them? Little white lies that made your stomach twist?

And you called me paranoid. You said I was insecure, that I had nothing to be worried about. You said that you guys were just friends. That you never saw her that way. You were just close, because of me.

I guess I find it funny how, two weeks later after we go broke up, you're suddenly all over her. Suddenly, she's the light of your life. Your sunshine. Your, what did you call her? Your cotton candy? Because she's so "sweet" and pink? Wow. How cute. How sickeningly cute.

I just don't understand. Truly. Help me. Please. How did you get over me so quickly? How did you fall for /her/ so quickly? You never did with me. You were never the type to fall in love so easily, to be head over heels for someone like /that/, with a snap of my fingers, just wasn't you. But I guess when it came to her, it suddenly was?

I think the worst part of it was, was that I was right. You didn't love me. And you proved it. You didn't deny. You took that information and left it there, hanging in the air. Then you went off, with my best friend no less. You weren't sorry. You didn't care how that affected me. You didn't care the way I looked at the way you held her waist close to you, the way I'd look away with tears in my eyes when she cup your face with her delicate pink hand and kissed your cheek with her pretty pink lips.

Now when we sit at lunch, you can't help but show her off. Say how happy you are. Look her in the eyes with more love than you ever showed me in the span of three months. You hold her with adoration and give her so much affection and she does the same. And all I can do is sit there and stare, mind shut down as I put the smile I now strain to put on.

I just don't understand. I didn't take you for a traitor. You were my everything, Katsuki. But apparently /your/ everything was my best friend. The one I knew since middle school. Out of everybody, you chose Mina fucking Ashido to be your "beloved", your "soulmate", everything you were to /me/.

Now I know that I'm the one who broke up with you. But that's because I was insecure about our relationship. And I /told/ you that. You /knew/. So would it have killed you to reassure me? To fight for me? For us? We were the it couple. You knew me, I /knew/ you. Everything. I helped you when you needed it most and was there for you. But then when I needed you, you didn't care and left. Left everything we had. And let it crumble to the ground and turn to ashes.

Can you at least tell me; do you regret it? Do you regret getting with me? Regret us? Do you wish this had happened sooner?

Can you tell me if you ever think about me anymore? About what we went through? Or do you replace those memories with ones of her? First kiss, first date, meeting parents. Tell me, is she better in bed? Does it feel right with her? Does she feel /good/, Katsuki? Does she know how to make /you/ feel good? Has she taken over my spot in the bedroom, and made it her own?

Last question. Was /any/ of it real? Did you ever love me? Or were you playing the long game? Going through the unnecessary yet necessary amount of steps to get the thing you really wanted? Playing with my heart so you could get the one you truly yearned for? Then again, why me? Why mess with me? Why screw with my head? Was it essential in your master plan? Or did you do it carelessly, not thinking about the consequences that would come afterwards? Maybe next time, think things through before someone falls head over heels for you.

No, you didn't cheat. No, you didn't kiss her, you didn't fuck her, you didn't do anything with her. Not that I know of. But it still doesn't change the fact that you betrayed me by making me seem like I was nobody to you, like I was a tool while she was a whole trophy. Fresh and polished and shiny all for you. I'm sure that's how you see her. While I'm watching from behind, now grimy and rusty and all worn out, clearly worthless and have no value whatsoever. And that's what makes you a traitor. The way you toyed with my heart and didn't care as you went off with the one you truly loved when finally freed.

You know what the truly sad thing is though? If I went back in time and knew that this was going to happen in the future, I still would've done everything the same. Because I am so deeply in love with you, I would savor the moments we had just one more time before I let you go and let you be with the one you wanted. I don't care if you broke me. You were my everything. And unfortunately, that isn't going to change. Not even if you're a traitor that stabbed me in the heart.

978 words
sorry i havent done any part twos, i just havent had any motivation/inspiration for them--