Aleksander quickly walked towards the throne room. He knew Nikolai, who had taken over as First Army general, was waiting, along with Zoya, the new Second Army general. He quickly walked into the room and to the pair of thrones. He glanced at hers, and felt a prickle of sadness.
Nikolai and Zoya looked confused. They hadn't been back in months.
"Where's Alina?" It was Zoya who spoke. Aleksander sighed.
"You remember hearing about the attack? The one where our son.. died." Aleksander shifted. Nikolai and Zoya both looked slightly angry at the reminder of the failed security that night.
"Yes, why? Was she hurt?"
"Not physically. She hasn't been the same since the attack. Most would tell you the same.." as if on cue, Genya walked in.
"He's right.. she hasn't been the same since.. he died."
It had been the night of Aleksander's birthday, the darkest night of the year, the middle of the winter fete. Everyone was dancing, and laughing.
Aleksander looked for his wife among the crowds, and smiled at the sight of her, their eight year old son clinging to her skirts.
He paused, and took her in. Being Queen suited her, a gold gown, embroidered with black mirrored his own, black embroidered with gold, showing them as one, as United. The tiara on her snow white hair made her look.. well, she always looked regal to Aleks, but even more so. Smiles and summoning suited her, but not as much as motherhood.
Aleks knew Alina loved family, and he had been happy to give her whatever she wanted, including a family. He refused to be the type of father most expected him to be, he refused to abandon her to childcare. They'd raised their son, Alexi Ilya Morozov together, and they were proud of him.
Aleks walked up to his wife. "Hello darling."
"Hi, thank the saints. I'm going to take Alexi to bed, then go in myself. You, enjoy yourself. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." Alina leaned up and kissed his cheek. Aleksander chuckled as he watched her walk away. Genya appeared beside him.
"Pick up your jaw, Moi Tsar."
"Miss Safina, don't act like you don't do the same when your wife comes home."
"I don't. Zoya and I have more decorum than that." Aleks scoffed, but smiled, and so did Genya.
"Are you saying I have no decorum?" He raised an eyebrow.
"No. I'm saying that your wife and I have more." She grinned. He was about to reply when a scream came from the palace. Everyone seemed to freeze, until Aleksander realized. It had come from the royal wing.
"Guards! The Tsarina and the Tsarevitch are in there!" Aleksander didn't wait another second before running as fast as he could towards the room. He knew both Grisha and guards alike were behind him.
When he got inside, he found corpses blasted out of Alexi's room, charred beyond recognition. Alina. Aleks ran into the doorway, and his heart sank at the sight.
Alina, on the ground, hunched over Aleki, who wasn't moving. Aleks could see blood on her gown, and the ground. He could hear her crying.
"Alinochoka?" Aleksander slowly walked towards her, holding back his own tears. He quietly knelt down beside her, and put a hand on her shoulder.
Alina looked up, eyes glowing gold from both emotion, and strong use of her powers. "They- they killed him! They killed my Alexi!" Aleks could barely understand Alina's words, but he could still understand them a little. He quickly pulled Alina into a hug, Alexi cradled between them.
It had been Fjerdans, they'd later found out. They'd wanted to destabilize the monarchy. So they'd killed the heir. Aleksander, before Alina, would've laughed, since he was immortal. But now? He'd let down his guard, and he felt every prickle of pain.
The kingdom went into mourning, and Alina refused to leave Alexi's old room, sleeping on the couch. Aleks let her. He wouldn't take her grieving from her. Not when he felt himself dangerous to be near in his grief.
He had people working on tracking the Fjerdans who had commanded this. He refused to let them live. Not after what they'd done to his family. This was a rare time he truly felt the picture of the Black Heretic fit him. Angry. Dangerous. Bloodthirsty. The ugly feeling of anger, burning hot, was always there.
It took months for things to return to semi-normal. Aleks had barely been at the palace for a month, out hunting the men who ordered his son's death. He killed them, and went home.
He knew Alina had changed, she didn't smile as much, eyes almost always had a blank look in them. The healers didn't know what was wrong. Some more.. stupid, members of the nobility suggested she was broken. No one knew what happened to them.
Aleks tried to be there for Alina as best he could, but he struggled to do so. He didn't know how to comfort himself, let alone her.
The grief felt like a never ending ocean, waves crashing over him and pulling him back under when he thought he was learning to cope. If he was swimming at the surface, Alina was drowning, so far down she couldn't even see the surface, and Aleksander couldn't see her anymore.
Sometimes he'd wonder if this was all worth it, if he could've done something different, if he and Alina weren't the rulers of Ravka, would their child have survived?
He didn't feel ready when the kingdom came out of mourning. Far from it. But he put on a mask, since Alina was even further from being ready. He pulled on his old self, to hide and mask, and be strong. He had led for centuries, he could do this.
That led them to the present moment, Zoya, Genya and Nikolai in front of him.
"I don't blame her. To lose your child.." Nikolai shook his head. "I don't blame her for changing.. that's a loss I don't think can be explained."
"There's no word for a mother or father who's lost their child. Because it's unimaginable." Genya sighed.
Zoya was about to say something when the doors opened, and Alina walked in. Aleksander stood quickly.
"Alya" he smiled softly. Alina looked up at him, eyes blank. She was in a black nightgown, barefoot.
"Come here Sunshine." Aleksander held out his hand, and Alina approached. He quietly pulled her close and hugged her.
"What is it?"
"I can't hear myself.." she whispered
"What do you mean?"
"My head.. it's.. it's too loud" she mumbled and hid her face in his chest. "I can hear him.. our boy crying for me.." she whispered, and Aleks wanted to cry.
"It'll be okay Alina.. it will." For once, Aleksander didn't believe his words.
