sugar and spice, friends

xvii. third nipple

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The gang sat around Monica and Rachels apartment, having just found put that Phoebe was married.

"This is unbelievable Pheebs, how can you be married?" Joey asked.

"Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card." Phoebe shrugged.

Monica shook her head, "I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything."

Phoebe sighed, "I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve."

"Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?" Monica scoffed.

"You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental." Ross sarcastically said.

"Well, Pheebs, don't you remember how heartbroken you were when he left?" Marty added softly.

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Okay, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend."

Monica let out another scoff, "Please, when he left town you stayed in your pyjamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger," She pointed at the blonde, who froze, her friends gasping at her, "Well, didn't you?"

Phoebe gritted her teeth, as Marty rubbed her shoulder, "I might have."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Monica said again.

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything."

Raising an eyebrow, Monica asked, "What have I not told you?"

A smirk made its way onto Phoebe's face, "Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace." She cried, pointing out to that direction.

"What!?" Rachel exclaimed, she and the rest of the friends - minus Monica and Chandler - rushing to the window to have a look.

"Wait a minute, who told you?" Monica gasped, before turning and pointing at Chandler, who was looking sheepish, "You are dead meat."

"I didn't know it was a big secret." Chandler tried to defend himself, wiggling the finger that she was pointing at him.

"Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know," Her nonchalant tone turned into a cry, "Having a third nipple!"

The group gasped, turning to him.

"You have a third nipple?" Phoebe exclaimed.

Chandler narrowed his eyes at the raven-haired woman, "You bitch."