A different view

Chapter 13

Forth was still in my room this evening. We decided it was best not to sleep together these two weeks while I was on my period of self-imposed asceticism so he was going to be leaving soon. I was looking at his muscles that peeped out of his engineering jacket as he wrote his assignments.

"You should go," I said

He looked up. I smiled. He smiled back.

"You sure you'll be alright?"

"What could happen?" I said. He came over to give me a hug and I sniffed in his scent.

"Oh this is going to be harder than I thought" I said

"Hang in there" he said flicking my head playfully. I proceeded to push him out of the room grabbing his bag on the way. I couldn't risk it anymore. A cold shower, that's what I needed.

The next day I drove alone to campus. Forth and I had been on a video call while we got ready. That resulted in an additional cold shower before I could start. It'll be fine as long as I focused on the classes. 

"I thought our food court was too expensive for you" Pha said when Forth, Park and Lam came by during the lunch hour.

"We wanted to make sure Beam was doing alright" Park snickered.

"Bastards," I said even though I was happy to see them. Forth sat at the table while I picked up our orders. It felt like the days before when we were a couple. Casual friends, but wanting more. 

I picked Forth from his campus in the evening. Lin and the boys waved from the food court when they saw me. I waved back. Preeth looked up and raised her eyebrows. I showed her a one in one hand and a thumbs up in the other. Expressionless, she went back to her books. I could never understand what pleasure she found in those books but I had never seen her without one.

Forth ruffled my hair before he got off the car.

"Hey, I'm not a kid"

"Still, you look cute, how you're controlling yourself"

Day 2 went pretty much the same except Forth picked me up from my dorm and dropped me off. But I couldn't sleep until 12am the next day which made for a pretty groggy Day 3. I didn't go on a video call. I wasn't in the mood. Forth was waiting at the Med campus by the time I'd arrived but I was already late so I couldn't chat with him. I was restless all through class. When we broke for lunch, I took the car and sped to Engineering. Forth wasn't done with his classes yet. I messaged him and he said he'd be done at 1pm and I had a class starting at 1pm. Great! Another 5 hours before I see him again. Call me I messaged and left.

Even though I made it back to campus on time, I didn't enter my class and waited for Forth to call.

"Beam, is everything ok?" he asked when he finally called

"Yeah, where are you?" I asked.

"Right behind you" he said.

I turned around and ran right into his arms.

"Hey, what's up?" he said rubbing my back

"Nothing, I just needed a minute with you" I said, my voice muffled by his shoulders.

He waited until I had satiated my mind with that feeling of being in his arms.

"Need to get to back?" I asked.

"I have time"

I went in for the next class. Pha and Kit looked at me but knew better than to say anything. Three days in and my struggles were showing. I slept at 12am again that day.

Day 4 we stuck to a voice call rather than a video call. I couldn't afford to spend half my mornings in the bathroom. Besides, I was picking him up this morning to drop him off at Engineering. I parked the car to walk Forth to his classes since I still had time. On my way back to the car, I saw Preeth, Lin, and Tim. Preeth was engrossed in writing something while Tim and Lin were... Did I see it right?

"Hey" I said startling Lin and Tim

"What on earth are you guys doing?"

"Er... P'Beam Tim is my boyfriend" Lin said

"When did that happen?" I asked as Tim shyly looked down at his feet

"Last weekend. It took a guy singing on stage for Tim to finally admit it." Lin said with a blush

"Still, you're in public and Preeth is right here. Can't you guys be a little more careful? Man, no wonder people have lost faith in relationships!"

They looked at me like I was crazy. I realized the words I'd said only after I said them and there was no taking it back.

"P'Beam, are you ok?" Ming asked coming over to me

"Yeah I'm fine," I said rubbing my forehead with one hand. I felt like I had a hangover. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Was I that loud? I needed to find a distraction.

Forth came alone for lunch today and offered to get our meals. When he sat down, his leg brushed mine and it sent a shiver up my spine. This was unusual. During the conversation, he put his arm around my waist to pull me closer when Pha sat next to me. It gave me butterflies in my stomach. My mouth went dry. I felt hot all of a sudden. I was totally aroused! What the hell! His laugh was driving me out of my mind. It took all of my self-control not to react until he left. This was not going well.

We had a break between the afternoon classes and were at the tables outside trying to prep for a test for next week. I could hardly remember anything even relevant to the subject that was taught in the past 2 days. I was so engrossed that I didn't notice  Preeth had come into Medical and took a seat opposite to me across from Kit and beside Pha. "P'Beam, the deal's off," Preeth said with a finality in her voice.

"What? Why?" I asked. This was unlike her. I didn't know if I would last until Day 14 but I'd never given up a fight in my life.

"It's not right, so I want to end this. You can claim that you won. I don't mind."

"Don't give up Preeth. You're winning!" Kit said with a wicked smile

"Shut up Kitty." I punched at Kit. "I want to know why. What's making you do this?"

She took a deep breath. "You are" she said. "What?"

"Your love" she said looking away from me "it's effortless. When you have someone who loves you back like that, it's foolish not to embrace it. You don't see it because it comes so naturally to the both of you."

She said what I'd been feeling all along. Loving Forth was never complicated. Staying away was what I was failing at.

"And who am I, or anyone for that matter, to tell you how you express it? Pha's right, every relationship is different and you decide what works for you. You shouldn't let anyone else judge it and you shouldn't need to justify it either." She paused as the effect of what she said sunk into my tired mind. "This bet is irrational P'Beam. Stop putting the effort to make it seem otherwise. What I said about relationships, that's just my perception. I should be figuring what works for me, you should not be needing to prove anything..."

At that moment my body just lost any ounce of strength left to stay away from Forth. But I hadn't finished my classes yet. There was another hour to go.

"Oh and if you don't mind, could you give this book to P'Forth? He left for the day and he needs it immediately" she said and handed me a book from her bag.

"Why don't you give it to Lam? He lives in the same building" Kit said

"They've all left. I don't want to be in trouble with my seniors and I'll miss my bus. Could you help P'Beam?" And that was all it took for me to head out, book in hand.