Poems and Poetries

Depressed part~

So called - family
They've got a problem with me going anywhere
They've got a problem with me playing
They've got a problem with me being happy again
They've got a problem with me healing
They've got a problem with me breathing

If only they had killed me when I was born as a girl
If only I died back then
If only I wasn't born as a girl
If only gender discrimination didn't exist
If only I didn't exist

I wouldn't have been alive
I wouldn't have gone through this hell
I wouldn't have been through the shit
I would've been happy
I would've been grateful
I would've been healing

I would've been able to smile again
I would've been able to laugh again
I would've been able to be happy again
I would've been able to get good grades
I would've been able to make them proud

How cruel was it for them to leave a 13 year in the bathroom bleeding, crying for help?
They don't really care
They never did.

Some say;
That they feel the most loved when they're with their family
I feel the most hated when I'm with my family.
That Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten
I always get left behind and forgotten.
That Family and friendships are two of the greatest facilitators of happiness
I have none.
That family makes them feel free and open their true selves
I feel shackled and suffocated from the unlimited expectations of my so called family.

Answer me;
Who fights during lunch?
Who gets mad for me being happy again?
Who yells for the 2 marks lost in a test?
Who gets ignorant when I'm sick?
- 'A dysfunctional family'

Thank you for the food and shelter you provide me but that wasn't enough, I wanted happiness, love, care, motivation, appreciation not depression, hate, ignorance, demotivation and depreciation.

Harsh reality :(

You just Dream of unrealistic things :/
You are just a kid who can't accept reality
It's time since you accepted reality

Suicide
The more I think about it,
The more sense it makes.
The more mistakes I make,
The more I hate myself,
The more addicted I get to self harm,
The more I drive myself one step closer,
The more shitty my mental health gets,
After all the more sense it makes.

Monsters (H U M A N S)
Cover your feet with the blanket
Otherwise you'll be the monster's target

I was scared of them when I was a kid
Under the shadows of the bed, amid

Was a monster who looked like me
I wish I could set her free

The monster was scared of the society
Which gave her nothing but anxiety

There are no monsters under the bed
They think they are better off dead

Monsters do exist; that is, as humans
We thought of them as illusions

I still think about the monsters under my bed
Or are they just in my head?

Humans are a deadly threat
I'll be better off dead.

Thought I'd heal;

I found my happiness again <3

It's getting hard to grasp it :/

It went out of my reach </3

Growing up with depression;

I've learnt to laugh silently
I've learnt to cry silently
So that my voice won't be heard
And even it did, it would be still unheard
Because nobody really cares.

Cats - Billu and Brownie;
You were only reason I could stay happy
I'm depressed again
I've got no energy to harm myself
No energy to scream
Voice gotten deep
Cheekbones visible
Lost weight
Can't fake a smile at home
Into my depressive phase again