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hospitals
she thought about all the flowers left to wither on the bedsides of those who exhaled white porcelain walls and bright lights as their last breath
i am just a child i am just a child i am just a child i am just a child
boom-boom-boom went the earthquake in her young chest i am too young to feel pain like this
the white walls colored away the blue oceans tenderly caressing rolling forests in her mind, a garden labyrinth once filled with blue hydrangeas and honeysuckle kisses fingering the july sky (but now there were only thorned branches choking bleeding white roses)
i am too young to feel pain like this
too young too young too young
sitting in the waiting room listening to the earthquake in her chest
🌙
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2 hours ago
"mother?"
the same perfect shade of blue oregon blue, peacock feathers surrounding her pupils crisscrossed lines of pure jubilation
blue pills and blue stained hands stuffed in blue jeans tearing at blue seams everything is so blue
like this year watching the disease rip forests of coal off her scalp and the gleam from her eyes, as if they lost the ability to absorb light and only reflect it like glass spheres revealing an empty mind watching her die everyday and collapse into a dwarf star instead of the supernova that her fire had promised
where are u now,
mother
"roselin," she rasped, coughing between syllables
before she could begin, strange machines began to flash and wail. men and women in white rushed in
mother's face is white like the hospital walls. her eyes search for mine through the waterfall of white coats between us. so far a w a y
what are they doing? where are they taking her? i'm so afraid i can't breathe my breath catches in my throat and i choke out tears but i don't know why i'm crying. i watch as they begin to transport her before suddenly my legs grow command of their own and i'm running through the crowd
i grab her weak hands and it takes so much strength for her to look up
"roselin-" she gasped, "i-i- w-want you- to l-learn how to l-live- i love you, roselin"
"i love you too, mom-"
before i can finish i'm being taken away and i feel so guilty because of all the times i told her that i'd never let go i sob as i'm being taken away i don't know why i'm crying but somehow i can't stop it's as if the whole world is being taken away from me and before i was a rockslide tumbling into a new mountain but now i'm only an avalanche spiraling into a never-ending void and i don't know why but i have a terrible feeling of this as if
🌙
the doctor has a kind, young face he has blue eyes, like her mother's white shirt the color of bone colored pills
she only remembered his last words of the conversation before spiked anemones grew cotton balls in her brain before time slowed down and reversed into a subway train rushing backwards and slowing down to the speed of light before suns collided again and again in a never ending cycle of colliding until it bruised time itself before the walls rotated and swerved like there were earthquakes growing in her knees,
"i'm sorry but your loved one has passed on"
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