vi - forget-me-nots on the curves of open notes/too afraid to live

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(tw: abuse, depression, suicide attempt)

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(tw: abuse, depression, suicide attempt)

FROM BLOOD-STAINED JOURNALS  OF POETRY, WHEN HE WAS 9

recently it's like i'm no longer part of my body

as if my soul and i disconnected and everything is so foggy

when i look in the mirror i see black and white glitches

glazed eyes starin' down to a heart made of stitches

my mama says i'm too young to be this depressed

but why do i feel 10 lifetimes crushing my empty chest?

father likes to smash beer bottles against my bones

he kicks me in the stomach and his words hurt like stones

when he's not drunk he likes to tell me that i must be a man

i must never be emotional and pretend i give no damns

but the problem, the problem is i care too much

i don't know why but i get scared too much

i want to be the person that he wants me to be

but there's only darkness inside of me

and i can't hear my heart anymore, i can no longer see

the figments of my past self, shrouded in mystery


🌙


FROM BLOOD-STAINED JOURNALS OF POETRY, PRESENT TIME, AGE 11

when my parents fought
i'd stare at the old piano book
and i'd
look through the notes
and they'd rearrange into a
garden of unknown languages and
symbols and i'd grow
forget-me-nots from the curves
in the open notes and
swipe cerulean over the
sticcados and accents,
breathing the last part of
me that was alive into the
lines of music while i stopped
living and only existed

<i ' m d e a d i n s i d e>


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