Fishwhacked: Reign of the Walrus Witch

Chapter 4

The Walrus Witch knelt in front of the Head Milliner, and he placed the crown on her head.

"Hail Queen Tuskborn the First," Wharf declared. "The Walrus Witch." He took a drink from his stein and it dribbled down his face.

The Walrus Witch sat on the throne and looked out at the throne room. The nobility had gathered to honor the new queen. Squirm was dancing to himself in the corner. The nobles walked up one at a time to present the queen with various gifts, from exotic fruits and expensive jewelry to viable sons and daughters to serve in her court and even a purebred doubleboar with a fine saddle and gilded tusks to be her steed.

A couple of knights brought her the only gift that made her bored stone expression contort into a grin. They walked to the front of the chamber and forced Ebb onto her knees in front of the throne, where the sunlight shining through the windows created a circle of light. Another knight approached with Omno in his arms. The nobles withdrew to the sides of the throne room to let the knights approach the queen.

"My queen. This is Ebb, of Craptown. She attacked some bandits with this fish, in full view of innumerable witnesses.

Speaking of, they all demand part of the reward for the king's assassin. It'll end up being two gold Peculiars each," the knight explained.

"Is this true, girl?" the Walrus Witch demanded. She drummed her fingers on the arm of the throne.

Ebb scowled back. A guard poked her back with the butt of his spear, and she said, "Uck. Cut it out. Yeah, I hit some guys with the fish, but they were trying to rob me. I didn't kill the king. That's insane. I've never even been to the castle before."

"It seems a little suspicious for there to be two separate, unconnected attacks in the same day in which a fish was used as a weapon," the Walrus Witch replied.

"That's not all, my queen. The fish, it..." the guard holding Omno began. He trailed off nervously.

"What is it, sir knight?" the Walrus Witch pressed. 

"It... it talked."

"It's true, my queen. I know it sounds insane, but we all heard it," another knight added. "It called us 'buffoons' on the ride here."

The Walrus Witch straightened her back and looked down her nose at them. "I believe you."

Wharf and the Head Milliner both gave an expression that seemed to say "Um, what?" and the Walrus Witch seemed to detect this despite still looking straight ahead at Ebb and her captors.

"With the awakening of Jumbo, I suspect a great deal of strange things will happen soon. And, may I add, only someone who is involved with such an unnatural thing as a talking fish would be mad enough to slay the beloved King Crust," the Walrus Witch went on. "Milliner, take the fish and see what you can learn about it. Keep it safe and out of the hands of any accomplices the girl might have. I feel it is key to discovering the motives of our assassin here, if they are indeed any more substantial than a troubled young woman gripped by madness and hatred."

"Shouldn't we question her?" Wharf asked.

"I suspect she won't cooperate much, but I will most certainly allow you to try, Lieutenant. Take her to the dungeon. They're filling up awfully quickly this morning."

"Yes, my queen." Wharf walked over to Ebb and grabbed her by the arm. He yanked her up and dragged her out of the throne room. Squirm followed, doing a weird backwards walking dance.

The guard handed Omno to the Head Milliner, who gazed at his features intently. "Some kind of... omnifish?" the Milliner said aloud.

"That's what they call me," Omno announced.