Fishwhacked: Reign of the Walrus Witch

Chapter 17

"Alright, I'm good," Omno announced. He was in a big bowl of water atop the remains of Magikarl's lab table. Magikarl, Thaulma, Ebb's crew, and a large group of students were sitting in attendance atop the arcanerds' technological marvels known as the foldable chair. The man spit up by the centagram stood beside the table. "Hello, everyone. Thank you for being here. I am the Omnifish, I'm here with the Fishlass Ebb and her companions. They're an extremely capable team of colorful individuals, I'm very proud of them. There they are in the front row."

The audience cheered and whooped as Ebb and Arbort turned around in their seats and waved at everyone awkwardly. Rocko raised his arms and let out a "Woooo!" in return, Yawp had enough trouble arranging the three chairs needed for him to sit in so he remained stationary, and Paistra did nothing.

"This gentleman here is Curio. He appeared after we defeated the demon Hellface," Omno continued. "Would you like to tell everyone what you know?"

"Um. S-sure." Curio stepped forward. He had changed out of his filthy, ancient robes and had his hats cleaned. His face was small and his beard was even smaller. "My name is Curio. Two hundred years ago, a traveling stranger brought us a tackle box and told us to guard it, that when the time comes, we will know who to give it to. We were assigned to stand guard in shifts. I got the first shift, and the first night, I had vicious nightmares. When I didn't wake up from them, I realized something else had happened. My mind was possessed by a demon, who used the bizarre wavelengths emitted by the lure to crawl into this world. My body eventually faded into nothingness, replaced with Hellface's physical form. He lurked the college for two centuries, preying on the ill will of men, biding his power... but I was freed by this fish and his friends before any disastrous events could occur. But... two centuries have passed, all of my friends and family are long deceased, the world is different and frightening now, and-"

"I hate to interrupt," Omno interrupted. "But my friends have been aching for answers for a while now, and now that my mind has returned to me, I have some interesting existential tidbits."

"Er. Of course," Curio said.

"The Fishwives were right. I am affiliated with the fish god of Drownvale. Affiliated rather closely, because I am not an instrument or emissary sent by the fish god, but rather... the Fish God himself," Omno announced. "But please, just keep calling me the Omnifish, I like the way it sounds, way better than just 'Fish God.'"

There was murmuring from the assembled arcanerds. One of them stood up. "Um. We don't believe in the gods. We have discovered the truth of the true ascendant beings, the jods."

"Great. Whatever. Then I am an advanced immortal being, which, for all intents and purposes, we'll call a god. And you know who else is a god? Walros. He is very real, and angry, and using the Walrus Witch to interfere with the world. He means to bring about a cataclysm and only spare his followers. He envies Drownvale and its pantheon, and seeks to destroy it and build his own world atop the ruins. The Walrus Witch framed Ebb for the murder of the king to attain the throne, as well as ensure she got possession of me. She seeks to use my tremendous power as a tool to fulfill Walros's plans," Omno continued.

"What about the lures?" someone in the back shouted.

"Good question. The last time I was in Drownvale, the last time I chose someone to be Fishlass two hundred years ago, King Whatsit the Fifteenth arrested the last Fishlass and sentenced both of us to death. I do not know why and the Fishlass would not elaborate. I do not know what became of him. Upon viewing my own hardened, salted carcass today, somehow in the possession of that inept assassin, I know Whatsit succeeded in killing a god.

"My cultists came to me before my appointed execution. Together with their allies in the lobster cult, they siphoned my energy into three fish-themed artifacts: the lures. My spiritual power was contained in the green lure and given to the vegetablokes. My physical power, the orange lure, given to the mineralads. And my mind, including my memory, was placed within the purple lure and given to the Drownvale Arcane Collegerium."