n i n e t y

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every time i see him i want to cry. i don't let my friends say his name anymore. we refer to him as "him" or "you know who". all my friends tell me "you deserve better" or "you shouldn't waste time on him" or "your too good for him". it doesn't matter how many times as you tell me these things. i still stay up late thinking about what i did wrong. i still put on a fake smile so everyone thinks i'm okay. i still cry about him for hours on end. i poured my everything into him. and he decided to shatter me. he put me in the worst mental state i have ever been in. should i care about him? should i want him? no. do i care about him? do i want him? oh hell yes. but it hurts to see he doesn't seem effected about what he did when i am so broken over it. his life continued perfectly, but mine didn't. and i won't be happy for a while. he did me so bad. but i still want him.

god i still want him and it makes me feel so damn pathetic.

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