#suicidal

#Chapter Five

Kayla tugged down the bottoms of her sleeves and held them in her palms and wrapped her arm around herself. She shivered and her steamy breath came out shaky. She sped up and almost cried out in relief when she saw the school. It didn't start for an hour or so yet though. Humming under her breath she took small but quick steps to the school.

When she got to the door she used the key Mrs Dobson gave to her. Mrs Dobson was her drama teacher and saw Kayla's scars one day. She said if Kayla ever needed anyone to talk to, go to her. Kayla smiled slightly when she finally got in to the school. She trudged down the corridor and went to her form room and sat at the back. She opened her bag and took out her writing book. It was just a small, ratty, leather bound book to anyone else. But to Kayla, it was so much more. It was everything.

I want to meet mysterious man

He haunts my thoughts and dreams

I want to, know I can

I-

"Whatcha got there?" A loud voice makes her jump and she makes a small noise. The person laughs and Kayla looked up and her mind went blank. It was Cason Porter, the guy she had a crush on and the most popular kid in school. "I uh, n-n-nothing." She cleared her throat and slowly pushed the book in to her bag again, disappointed she didn't get to finish the poem. What do you rhyme with 'dreams' anyway?

"Doesn't look like nothing. Can I see?" Kayla balled up the ends of her sleeves in her hands and nodded slowly then, realising what he'd said, shook her head frantically. He chuckled and tilted his head in an adorable way. She sighed and pulled out her book again, and handed it to him. Admittedly he did have to kinda tug to get it but.......

"Hey, these are pretty good. I like the Deaths Wrath poem. Deep." Kayla let out a shaky breath and shook her head softly. "They're not that good." She looked down at the table and drew a pattern with her nails. Cason's eyes widened in shock. This girl was an amazing writer, how could she not see it? "I hope you're kidding." She looked up in surprise and Cason smiled kindly.

"You look like Jace. Oh god!" After saying that Kayla covered her mouth with her sleeves and blushed scarlet. Cason smirked. "Well Clary, I shall see you later." He walked and only just started to feel the embarrassment at knowing the series. Kayla giggled to herself, please that he knew. It's not everyday the guy you have a crush on knows the same books as you, after all!

It didn't once register in her mind that he was at school as early as she was. Her eyes widened. Cason hadn't given her the book back. "I'm dead!" Kayla muttered while banging her head on the table a few times. "Owww."She rubbed her head. That had hurt more than she thought it would.

After a long time of staring off into space, the bell rang and Kayla half smiled. People started trickling into the classroom. Her friends walked in and she looked away from them. Carly smiled sadly and looked away. Macey's eyes hardened when she saw Monica strut over to where Kayla was sitting. "This won't end well."

"So!" Kayla jumped at the sound of Monica's voice. If anybody had bothered to look close enough they would have seen her eyes fill with sadness, so much raw pain.  "H-h-hi M-m-Monica." Monica scoffed. "Stuttering now, really?" Kayla looked down and tugged her sleeves down. "Anyway, I was wondering where your brother was. He hasn't come in yet."

Kayla tilted her head in question as Monica pouted. "But I thought....." She trailed off. "I thought you were dating...." Monica sneered. It was clear to anybody that she meant business. "Who said anything about dating anybody?" She leaned closer to Kayla, "He does make a good f'ck though." Kayla gasped as tears clouded her eyes and Monica stood up straight with victory clear in her eyes.

She strutted away as Kayla looked down. A single tear landed on the desk as the second bell went. She didn't really know why it hurt her so much, it wasn't like her brother knew. Nobody out of Monica's pack did. It was more like a committee actually, lots of vultures.

                                 ~*~

The day passed by in a blur, a faded, hazy blur. Notes, detention slips, it wasn't like she paid attention to anything she was noting down. A voice in her head just told her to end it all. But she was stronger than that and she knew it. She wanted to avoid her brother today. The consequences would be bad but a day alone would be worth it. She needed to do this, but her mystery boy probably wouldn't be happy. "Gosh I feel selfish now." Kayla muttered. What if he needed her as much as she needed him?

Kayla headed towards The Village Shop. She needed some chewing gum. It helped her not to cut. Anything to occupy herself. The bell tingled above her head as he walked in. She pulled her sleeves around her fingers again and picked up some chewing gum. Luckily nobody was in there so Kayla just went straight up to the till and dropped the chewy on the counter. She looked around nervously. "Hey! How are you! Clary girl!" Kayla jumped and her eyes widened. The cashier took her money and gave her some change, then she spun around.

"H-h-h-hi. My name is a-actually K-Kayla." Cason nodded. He had just been waiting for his friends until he got a text saying that they ditched him. Then he saw the girl from the morning. She was an awesome writer. "I'm Cason." He smiled. She was so tiny!

"I know. Oops." Cason chuckled as Kayla blushed. Which, of course would happen while talking to him. "So where are you headed? My friends just ditched me so I might just tag along." He smiled. Kayla looked around and tugged a thread at the end of her sleeve. It was a nervous habit. "I'm going to the park f-for a w-while to write s-some more." She unwrapped some chewy and offered some to Cason after putting two in her mouth. He shook his head and started walking next to her.

Now everybody is probably thinking this was very unusual but it was a small town, they'd gone to the same primary school and were friends. It wasn't some sob story like he'd left her, Kayla had just become really shy in High School and she did have others friends.

They walked for a while in a comfortable silence. Well, it seemed comfortable to Kayla, at least. Every time she shrugged her bag farther up her shoulders, she tugged down her sleeves. She noticed the edge of Cason's mouth turn up slightly when she huffed in frustration after pulling the strap up for the up-teenth time.

When they finally reached the park, Kayla sat down on one of the benches and went to get her book out of her bag. She slowly sat up again as Cason sat opposite her and slid the book across the wooden table. She picked at a splinter of wood that was peeling off and he smiled at her. She sucked in a breath and looked down. This would be a long afternoon.

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Finally, I've wanted to update for sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long but had such bad writers block. Well, hope this pleases :) I have no clue what's going on with the spacing so sorry about that btw :(