#suicidal

#Chapter One

Jacob, please just be happy. Maybe this will be the thing that will shock you back into reality. I don't suppose I shall ever know why you hated me, but it's ok because I forgive you. Mummy, Daddy and I will be watching over you so just know that you will never be alone. I love you, It's not your fault, Kayla x

)~~~~~(

The photo on the windowsill indicates a happy famly. They're not though, the Johnsons. in fact, they are far from it. In the bottom left of the photo a little a girl with long dirty blonde hair and sparkling green eyes grins at the camera with her hands behind her back. A few of her top and bottom teeth are missing and she is a bit on the small side. With jeans and a blue jumper, she matches her older brother who has blue eyes and brown hair. He's giving the camera a thumbs up. He is quite a bit taller than his sister but still tiny compared to the parents. The names of the adults are printed on their grey jumpers. Susan has long blonde hair and green eyes, her daughter is almost a spitting replica. James has his arm around Susan and is looking at her in adoration. His brown hair and blue eyes make him look just like his son.

That photo was taken on January 2002. Nobody remembers what the date was exactly. Eleven years later not much had changed. The parents still argued regularly, Jacob the twenty year old son still hated his sister Kayla and she still had no idea why. It was the first of January, Kayla's birthday, but of course no one in her family had remembered. She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling with a book clutched to her chest. A few tears on her cheeks. But not a single one of them was because of her family. It was normal, what they were doing. The tears were from the ending of The Fault In Our Stars. No matter how many times she read it, she still cried. It was about two kids who meet in a cancer support group. She loved the book and loved John Green. Well, she loved most books any way.

Rolling over, discarding the book over the edge of the bed in the process, she grabbed her phone off the bedside table. She had about 11 messages on a group chat. Unlocking the phone, Kayla chuckled at her friends messages: Happy birthday! or We have presents, we'll give you them at school :) were the types of things she saw. She quickly replied back: Thanks guys, sorry for the late reply :3 and then stood up. As it was a saturday she had thrown on a black top that read: Shadowhunters, looking better in black than the widows of our enimies since 1234, and a pair of jeans. She was concidered a nerd, bookworm, childish freak. But none of it mattered anyway to Kayla because she thought they were probably all true. She loved pokemon and reading and was quite smart. She had a few close friends.

She slowly trudged down the creaky old wooden stairs and winced when all the yelling went silent as the stairs groaned beneath her. Any hope of her sneaking out was lost when her brother's head popped around the corner. Kayla had hoped a little that Jacob, at least, had remembered her 19th birthday. She looked at him with a sliver of hope in her eyes but he just scowled at Kayla and went back to the kitchen. Sighing, Kayla also walked into the kitchen. "Hi guys just to let you know, I'm going out for a while to meet some friends." Kayla says while grabbing an apple and rubbing it on her top. She ignored the dissapointed scowls her parents gave her and strode towards the door, only to find Jacob stood there with his arms folded accross his chest. "And why exactaly are you going out?" he sneered in her face. After taking a bite from her apple, slowly chewing chewing it and swallowing it, she put her hands on her hips. "It's my 19th birthday today. Therefore I'm going out. Bye!" Kayla pushed her brother out of the way and went out. It was around 1 o'clock pm ish as she had re-read TFIOS again.

***

Waving her friends off Kayla turned around grinning. She and her friends had been to the fair and had a great time. True to their words, Kayla's friends hadn't given her any presents, claiming they were giving them to her Monday at school. Kayla suspected they still needed to go shopping and that's why. As she opened the door she was, for once, greeted by silence. Tiptoeing to the stairway, Kayla sneeked a peak in the living room on her way. Her mother, father and bother were all sat on the couch watching a movie. Jacob sat at one end of the couch and Susan and James were cuddled at the other. Kayla smiled inwardly. They might always fight but they did love each over...... right? Shaking her head to clear the thought, Kayla quietly walked upstairs. When she got to her room she closed the door behind her and dumped her bag near the door. She ran her hands through her hair ( she'd left it down as it was a little wavy ) and sat at her desk.

About and hour and a half later she'd managed to at least half her homework. Kayla checked the clock on her wall and gasped. It was half past nine. Kayla quickly started to run the shower and gave her hair a once through with the brush in the bathroom. After doing her teeth, Kayla's shower had finally warmed up. She stripped and leapt in eagerly. The warm water cascaded down her body, washing away all the grime and muck from that day. Her favorite shampoo, that smelled like coconut, was scrubbed into her hair and after it had been washed out she conditioned it. While waiting for the conditioner to soak in, Kayla began to think. It was sad that her parents always argued. Macey's parents didnt, Joe's parents didn't, none of her friends parents argued as much as hers did. She frowned while washing out the conditioner.

Twenty minutes later, hair smelling of coconut, body smelling of limes, Kayla was out the shower. Her favorite PJs were thrown on and she let her hair dry naturally as to not wake anyone. She climbed into bed and turnbed off the lights. Snuggling down into the covers, Kayla cuddled her teddy, Stella. Stella was a boarder collie plush toy and Kayla had gotten her the day she was born. Her parents didn't argue then. Slowly but surely, the spell of dreams and sleep washed over Kayla and her eyes fluttered a few times before finally closing. Sighing in content, Kayla fell asleep.