My Heart or My Head

Chapter 3

Harry POV

It's been a week since Harry has been home with his mum, he has spent the entire time hold up in his childhood room writing music or going out drinking with his old high school mates. Slowly slipping further and further into a depressive state. The boys have being trying to contact Harry, even Louis has called a few times but Harry can't bring himself to answer the calls because he knows it's out of pity they are calling not because they actually care.

"Harry sweetheart, please come out of your room i am worried about you" Anne calls through the door. "Mum go away, just leave me alone please."

"Harry Edward Styles i am not letting you sit in your room and waste away, that is not why i told you to come out here and visit me. Now i am going to give you 5 minutes to get yourself together and come downstairs or i am coming up and taking the door off the hinges understood?"

Harry sighs, and closes his eyes resting his head against he side of his bed. "Okay, okay i get it, I'll be downstairs in a few minutes." Pulling himself up off the floor of his bedroom he gets up and grabs his guitar and song book before opening his bedroom door and walking down the stairs to where his mum was.

"Gem? What are you doing here?" Harry gasps. "Mum called and i was worried about you baby brother. I was hoping you and i could go for a drive and talk?" "Yeah, yeah i would like that." Harry walks forward into Gemma's open arms and hugs her tight as if when he lets go she is going to slip away.

"Come on baby brother lets go yeah?" Nodding Harry follows Gemma out the door his song book and guitar in hand as they make their way to Gemma's car.

The drive at first is silent, neither of them saying a word but perhaps that is what is needed in the moment. The comfortable silence of feeling alone but together.

"H can we talk about it?" Gemma asks finally breaking the silence. "Can we um? Can we park somewhere maybe sit in a park, or an empty field?" Gemma just offers a small nod before driving the car in the direction of an old park that Harry and Gemma use to go to when they were younger. Not many people knew about it, it was always a safe place for the two.

"How much did mum tell you?" Harry asks as they sit down in the field. "She didn't tell me much, just that you had a fight with the boys and needed to get away. She seemed really worried about you, and honestly H now that i see you i am pretty worried as well. Harry you look like shit."

"Gee thanks Gem...." "Harry please talk to me." Harry sighs and lays down to look up at the clouds. The weather outside was a calm spring day, the sky was blue, the sun was shining and there were a few clouds and a slight breeze. A perfect day in Harry's mind. "Louis has been ignoring me for months, we don't talk anymore, he is being an absolute prick if i am being honest" Harry feels Gem settle in beside him and take his hand in her encouraging him to continue.

"I don't understand really what i did to him to make him hate me, he was my best friend Gem. I love him so much it hurts some days and it kills me that he hates me and i don't know what i did to him." Harry takes a deep breath and tears start rolling down his cheeks.

"He never wants me there when he is with the boys, he doesn't talk to me at home. Am i that horrible of a person that he can't even stand to say a few nice words to me?"

"Oh Harry" Gemma sits up and pulls her brother into a hug. "You are not a horrible person, i am sure there is a reason for Louis behaving the way he is. Harry that boy thinks you hung the stars in the sky. There has to be more to the story."

"Gemma i have tried for five fucking months to figure out what is going on with him i have ran every possible scenario in my head. Including the ones where he found my song book and read what i wrote in there."

"What did you write in there?" Gemma pushes. "ummm n-nothing forget i mentioned it..." Harry blushes into Gemma's shoulder and releases the hug turning to lay back on the ground.

"Harry i am not dumb, i know you have feelings for Louis as more than a friend." Harry shoots back up. "what how?" "Harry you are about as subtle as sledgehammer."

"Oh my god! Shit fuck! Do you think Louis knows? Could that actually be why he hates me now?"  "Harry the only thing more clueless then Louis about your feelings for him is you about his feelings for you." Gemma chuckles.

"That is a lie. Gemma Louis hates me" Harry spits. "Harry this is what i am trying to say, there has to be so much more to what is going on then what you think. It's Louis Harry, the boy who drove in the middle of the night the summer you met just to cheer you up because you were crying on your video chat. Louis the boy who always has to have a gentle hand on your back guiding you so you don't get lost int he crowd. Louis the boy who can't shut up about his best friend's curly hair.... I could go on Harry but my point is you need to talk to him." Gemma sighs.

"I-I can't Gemma he hurt me too much for me to even try to have a conversation with him again. I- I just need space from all of them. Just until tour starts up again in the fall." "Harry..."

"I wrote a song want to hear it?" Harry says changing the subject. Sighing Gemma nods her head knowing that she has pushed her brother as far as he is willing to go for right now.

If you were a good friend
You'd always be there when I need it
'Cause I'm on my knees and babe I'm bleeding
And it kills me that you're not around....