My Heart or My Head

Chapter 6

Louis POV

As soon as the message is sent Louis turns off his phone, in fear of the response that is to come. Getting up on his bed, he walks to his closet opening the door in search of the suitcases finding them on the top shelf. Louis pulls them down knocking a bin of his keepsakes from the top shelf with it.

"Oh for fuck sakes" Louis sighs bending down to pick up the discarded items, among the pile are Polaroids of Louis and Harry from a year ago when they first moved into their house together in Princess Park. Louis smiles at the memory of that day, a time when the two were the closets of friends, never spent a day without talking.

*flashback*

"Lou! Lou! Stop!" Harry giggles running down the hallway away from Louis who had just spent the past 10 minutes tickling the younger boy. "Okay, okay Hazzie, I'll stop, promise" Louis chuckles holding his fingers crossed behind his back. "Promise?" Harry cocks his head. "Promise Haz." Louis winks causing Harry to giggle and a small blush appear on his face.

Harry starts walking back towards Louis, when Louis suddenly reaches out and grabs Harry by the waist and starts to tickle him. "L-Lou S-stop" Harry cries through a fit of giggles. "Okay okay I'll stop." Louis releases Harry who turns around to look at the boy with a pout. "You lied to me Boobear." "I didn't lie Hazza, i just had my fingers crossed behind my back." Louis chuckles.

"Still mean Lou." Harry pouts harder, Louis coos at the boy. "Awe Hazzie i'm sorry please forgive me?" Louis bats his eyelashes sticking out his bottom lip. "As if i could ever stay mad at you Boobear" Harry busts out in a fit of giggles and runs behind Louis to jump on his back.

"Hey Boo... we are always going to be best friends right?" Louis smiles grabbing Harry's leg and heads to the living room dropping Harry on the couch. "Always and forever Hazzabear."

*End of Flashback*

Louis wipes the tears from his eyes, before throwing the pictures back into the box and ripping the clothes from the hangers and throwing them on the bed and folding them to place in one of his three suitcases. As he is pulling out his green hoodie, he smiles remembering that it is Harry's favourite sweater of Louis. Without thinking Louis walks into Harry's room waking straight to the closet, riffling through Harry's sweaters he see's his favourite one of Harry's, its a soft lilac jumper.

Louis pulls the jumper off the hanger replacing it with his green hoodie, pulling the lilac sweater over his head Louis goes to lay down on Harry's bed. Curling up into the soft, fluffiness of the pillow and breathing in the sweet sent of strawberries and vanilla a single tear rolls down his cheek.

~

Louis lays there for what feels like hours, in reality it has only been 30 minutes, feeling a sudden surge of inspiration Louis pulls out his phone writing down a few lyrics that popped into his head.

I'm sorry if i say i need you,
But i don't care, i am not scared of love.
'Cause when i am not with you i am weaker,
Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong?

Louis spends the next little while writing the lyrics that pop into his head into his note section of his phone before he realize that he is needing to finish packing and get onto the road before it gets to late.

~

Finally two hours later, all of his clothes are packed into his suitcases, and he has filled a few boxes with his bedroom items, deciding to leave the linens and everything that was on his bed, just taking the stuffed bear Harry gave Louis for Christmas last year.

Taking one last look at his room, he carries the boxes down to the to his car, before heading back inside for one final lap around the house and deciding in that in this moment he needs to leave a note for the rest of the boys, letting them know that he is sorry.

Dear Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn,

I know writing you this letter doesn't seem fair especially because i know how much it hurt to receive Harry's letter. But i need you 3 to know that i am sorry. I am being selfish and i know that, don't for one second think that i don't because i do.

These past 6 months I have been nothing but selfish and hurting the ones I care about most in this world. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you, any of you. But i need to be selfish one last time.

For so long I have been struggling to know what to listen to, do I listen to my heart or do I listen to my head. I have decided to follow my head, because if I listen to my heart and I stay I am going to break the most precious boy in the world. He deserves better, you all deserve better. I am leaving One Direction, it is for the best, with me gone you guys can only get stronger as a band and friends

Just promise me that you will look out for each other, keep each other safe. Sing, write, dance, dream. The 4 of you are meant to shine on that stage.

Zayn, my partner in crime you will always mean so much to me mate. I think I would have broken along time ago if it weren't for you. You have a gift mate, you just need to own it.

Liam, my moral compass keep shining the way I know you can. Your presences on stage is something I dream to have one day. Keep these boys in line but don't forget to have fun to Li life's too short to let it pass you by.

Nialler, my brother, your lightness and ability to see positive in any situation, to smile and laugh no matter what is something that I am envious of. But don't stop laughing ever it's infectious and the world needs to hear your laugh.

Hazza, i said everything I needed to say in that text. I mean every single word. (It was never your fault love.) I was just never meant to have you.

1/5 of One Direction is signing out for good.

Love always, Louis.

Louis pulls out his phone sending one final text to Harry and puts his phone back in his pocket, closing the door to the place he called home for the past year.

~I love you Hazza, I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Always and Forever - Boobear~

Message Sent

As he loads the last of his clothes into his trunk, he takes one last look at the house smiling choosing to remember the happy memories. The 3 am late night chats with Harry while they are both cuddled up in one bed sharing their life stories. The early morning sleepy breakfasts, Harry being his perky charming self trying to make grumpy Louis laugh.

Sniffing Harry's sweater, and turning to climb into his black Aston Martin Louis freezes. "Haz." Harry doesn't say anything he just walks up to Harry and shoves him against the car. "Why Lou! Why!" Harry shouts. "Haz..." Louis whispers. "Just tell me why, you ignore me, act like you hate me, tell me i am clingy but then you text me and tell me that you are leaving and that you are in love with me? Who does that Lou!" Harry has tears streaming down his face at this point. Louis can't find the words to respond he just reaches out and wipes the tears from under Harry's eyes. "Louis you broke my heart, I love you so much and you destroyed me." Harry whispers.

"I'm sorry. I can't Haz, I wish i could tell you the reason why, but i... i just can't" Louis sighs and steps away from Harry. " I have to go." Louis pulls Harry in for one last hug wrapping his arms around the younger boys middle, Harry instinctually wraps his arms around the older boys neck where he nuzzles his head. "I am sorry." Louis pulls away giving Harry a weak smile. "Goodbye Harry."