Finding you

Chapter 32

After I pulled myself together, Nick asked me what happened, how I feel about it and if he can do anything to make me feel better in any way.

"You know, Teddy and Addison get married...", I try, changing the subject. But he knew me all to well and realized what I was about to do.

"I know. Teddy and I talked a few days ago."
"I'm gonna be her bridesmaid...", I smile at him, still not over the conversation about the break up.

"Just talk already, Phoenix. When we were younger and Tim was still here, you used to always tell us about your stuff you were going through at the time. Tim may be gone, but I'm still here. And as long as I'm still here you will always have someone to talk to.", he told me. I take my time to look in my lap where my hands are fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

"I miss her... I miss sleeping next to her, going into her room at night just to get some cuddles. I just want to go straight to her room and hug her, tell her that I'm sorry and that I made a mistake. I want to dance with her naked in our rooms again and I want to sing loudly along to our favorite songs in the car. And when I come out of the shower I want nothing more then to just go into her room and put on her clothes...", I tell him, laughing at some memories that popped up in my mind.

"So, what are you waiting for? Tell her what you just told me. Tell her that you love her and that you made a mistake. That your mistake opened up your eyes and made you realize that you need her more then anything.", I know that he is right, but what if she doesn't want me back? What 8f she met someone new?

"What if she says no? What am I doing then?", I ask him, bursting out into tears again.

"Your Arizona Robbins, you were never afraid of the answer no. So what's different now?"

"The difference is that now it's about someone I love more then anything. That I would be completely broken when she says no. The difference is that if she says no, I wouldn't know what to do...
The difference is that it hurts when I'm not with her and that feel complete only when I'm with her. I dream about her every night and when I'm not asleep then I'm thinking about her. I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I see her or talk to her. I love her with all I have. And... And... ", I cry completely. Nick tries everything to comfort me. And it worked  a little. We hung up eventually. I felt slightly better, but still not good enough to just go to Callie and have this talk. Even though Callie could feel the same as me, it's not sure.

I got pulled out of my thoughts when my door opened.
"Zona, your okay? I heard you crying while talking to Nick and thought I should better check on you.", Addison asked as she entered my room. I look at her and smile. Our friendship got stronger since she and Teddy are engaged and I would almost consider her as one of my best friends.
"Will you believe me if I'd say yes now?", I ask her smiling a bit. She raised her eyebrows before sitting herself next to me on my bed.

"I know I shouldn't listen to your talks with Nick because they are private, but I kinda overheard anything and I'm sorry for that. But you helped me so often that it's now my turn to give you a speech that opens up your little blue eyes in which Callie is in love with so so much.
I will tell you a little story, where I won't say any names but if you want to you can just imagine me saying any names.
So a long time ago there were two woman who were madly and deeply in love with each other. But they were too blind to actually see it. They would talk with their best friends about the other one, but makes them promise to not tell anyone their secret  feelings. Eventually time flew by. Over a lot of years they were so in love with each other but always stayed just friends. Time got on and on and the women got older. With every year they got older they lost hope that the other one would feel the same way and all they would feel was regret. Regret that they didn't told them sooner, that they didn't lived their lives and were happy together. One of them eventually got tired of hiding their feelings and wanted to let the other one know but she hadn't had the courage to actually do it. They both died in the end and never got happy...
So when I was you, I would stand up and go to Callie now and would tell her how I feel about her.", she tells me. A single tear makes its way down my face and soon I feel Addison's arms around me.
"I'm so afraid of telling her... I mean I'm the one who ended things you know..."

"Sweetie, are you really afraid of telling her, or are you afraid that she would say it back?"

"What if I hurt her again?" I ask Addison.

"And what if your not? What if you'll make her happier then she ever was? What if you two are meant to? What if your not telling her? Then you two will end up like the two woman in the story I just told you..."

"Did she told you she was still in love with me?" I ask her looking up in her face.

"Maybe... I will tell you when you told her you still love her...", and with that I put my head back on her shoulder. The same moment I made my decision.

AN: what do you think will the decision be? Will Arizona tell her or not?