hang up

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i've gone through this too many times now. rings that go straight to voicemail, your voice at the end of it. your sweet voice reminding me to call again which i did only for the process to repeat again. at this point i've given up. on my calls that cut short, your voice that brought me comfort during hard times, our relationship. if it was even important to you in the first place because it was, to me. 

i cherished it. feeling like i belonged finally, loved by someone who wouldn't leave me. i laugh now at those hopeful thoughts now, how innocent i was. my forehead hits the cold metal of the streetlight. a sigh leaves my mouth turning into a small cloud floating off. 

did i mean only this much to you ? some person you met at a party and had a fling with you got bored of quickly. your words from the day we met echoes in my head once more, " i don't stick to one person for a long time " and i, with all the confidence said " well i'll be the first one to change your mind then ". maybe the words first one was a wrong choice. maybe you've found another person that has proven that. maybes and what ifs clog my mind. 

you could send me a text, saying you don't want to be with me anymore, that would help me get over us or maybe a call. anything, anything at all. 

were all the words we exchanged sweet nothings ? 8 letter words that in the end held no meaning. all the words that you said made me feel something, rousing the sleeping butterflies in me for the first time. your cheers, wishes for me, cute notes. god i really, really liked you.

if you would only answer my calls so i could hang up on us.

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