Perfect Screw Ups | Quackbur

Chapter Nine

CW/TW: mentions of s/h, manipulation, suggested abuse, swearing

(Summary of this chp next to this for the ppl who can't read this.)

She was finally mine once more. Why then did I feel so miserable? Why then did my eyes continue to weep and my body still bleed with helplessness?

Why, why, why?

All I could think was: why me?

All the progress I had made, lost, and I feared it'd never again be restored. Now when Quackity passed me my head hung low and I ignored the fluttering in my stomach. Shame. I burned with shame.

He had tried countless times to speak to me, but I'd push him away. I wanted to speak to no one, I wanted to stay home. I wanted nothing to do with anybody except for Sally. Sally had taken over my life, infesting my brain.

She'd crawled her way back into my life and her existence swarmed painfully in my head, it was intoxicating, it was suffocating. All there was to think about was her. And more often than not the thoughts of Sally hurt.

It was a miserable cycle: good morning kisses, shouting and fighting, make up sex.

I hated it but also it was all I knew. I wanted to escape her but also I couldn't get enough of her. .

It was just like before, like nothing had changed. Anywhere I went she'd follow me, demanding to know where I was. When I was fed up with her, she'd yell, her voice louder than the music of the nightclub.

I hid behind my bathroom door from her at times, but she was persistent. She would bang on the door and yell, no matter how hard I had pressed my hands over my ears her voice was always heard. She demanded to be heard.

Other days she'd ignore me, blocking my phone and not speaking to me for a few days. Those days overwhelmed me with guilt, so much so that behind the bathroom door I'd result to the only thing that was always there for me. The one thing that would never leave me.

A small blade wrapped in toilet paper and hidden inside my drawer.

It was wrong, and just like Sally, it made me feel guilty and ashamed.

But I couldn't bear the thought of not having it. When the scars would fade it felt like all the pain I had felt had been for naught, like all that I had been through was no reason to be sad at all.

I hated the scars, but also without them it felt like a piece of me was missing. . This blade contained my self-worth, it was a drug that I couldn't get enough of. I hated it so much, I hated the impact it had over me. But I couldn't get rid of it.

On those lonesome nights, I'd cry until no more tears fell and I awoke with my face swollen and blotchy.

The days got colder, rain kept coming and the winds blew aggressively through my hair and my clothes now.

This was change, things were changing, but not for the reasons I thought they would. .

__________

The next day I decided to go to the diner for some breakfast. I messaged Sally, alerting her of my location, but the message didn't go through. She was still upset with me, my number still blocked. That was fine, I was glad for some alone time.

I sat at the little booth at the diner, stacking sugar packets like I always did.

"Hey."

My body jerked; I turned my head to look at him.

My heart skipped several beats.

"Mind if I sit with ya?" he asked softly, as though if he spoke too loudly I'd shatter.

Maybe I would.

I said nothing, but he took a seat anyway.

We sat in silence; it was horribly awkward.

I felt like a roach in his presence, I felt like with just a glance he'd know how disgusting I was. He'd somehow find out about what I'd done to myself, and he would despise me for it. I couldn't bear the thought of him despising me.

He put a hand over mine, forcing me to stop stacking the sugar packets.

"You've been avoiding me," he stated matter-of-factly. This much was true, although I'd hoped this wouldn't be the conversation starter.

I averted my gaze to the window and said nothing. What could I say?

But then he grabbed my jaw lightly, turning my head to force me to look at him. I could feel my face heat up and my eyes widen.

"Why?" he asked.

I was frozen in place; I opened my mouth to say something but found no words.

He looked down at my lips, like maybe he could will the words out of me. But when I remained silent, he released me.

"Who is she?" he asked suddenly, almost as if it had just slipped out.

After I said nothing again, he puffed his cheeks angrily. "You aren't answering me! What did I do wrong?"

I shook my head and waved my hands as if to say not you.

"Who then?"

I looked down at the sugar packets. Me. It's me.

I don't think that he was able to read me that time, but he could see something was wrong. His eyes softened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry, I just can't stand going back to strangers."

I looked back up at him and nodded. "Me neither. . ," I whispered, the words barely making it past my lips.

"So then stop avoiding me. ."

I sighed. "I can't."

"Then tell me why, please. Or tell me something, so that I can leave satisfied. Do not tell me that you will have nothing to do with me, please, I can't bear it."

I thought for a moment. I couldn't tell him, but I could promise something else. "Saturday. I'll meet you at the nightclub. Will this satisfy you?"

He smiled so bright I swear it blinded me. He nodded.

"Good, now are you gonna get sumthin' too or just watch me eat?"

He laughed; I missed that laugh. His laugh was a song much softer on my ears than Sally's voice and twice as sweet.

__________

After another night of sex, Sally and I had made up and now it was back to the same routine.

I had to find a way to piss her off so that I'd be alone for Saturday.

When we were walking through the mall we stopped at a dress store and she giddily ran inside. She held a green dress over her. "What do you think?"

I tried to look uninterested. "Green isn't your color."

She gasped but shrugged it off and kept looking.

She really liked a blue dress, so she went to try it on, she came out to show me. "Eh?"

I could feel the heat rushing to my face, it was stunning. It complimented all her curves wonderfully. But still, I couldn't afford to falter.

"I think you're a little short for that dress. . It'd look better if you were taller."

Her eyes widened and she grumpily grabbed another dress to try on. This one was a sexy, yellow, dress. I felt my knees weaken. I seriously considered giving up and just buying her the dress. .

"Are you sure that's the dress you want?" It was backhanded, and the last straw.

"What is actually your problem? You're such an asshole! I'm going home, you can walk!"

She changed out of the dress and stormed out of the shop. I smiled triumphantly. Now all I had to do was figure out what to wear.

I planned to have fun this time.

A/N: friendly reminder that this story is angst. 😍 So prepare urself for the progression of this story. .(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞