Perfect Screw Ups | Quackbur

Chapter Sixteen

A/N: IM SORRY FOR THE LONG HIATUS I WONT GIVE AN EXCUSE BUT HERES THE NEW CHP I DONT HAVE TIME TO EDIT STILL SO PLS TELL ME IF U FIND A MISTAKE

TW/CW: mentions of ED and tbh I don't rlly know what else so I'll just list what will occur

-discussions of sexuality
-discussions of manipulation/toxic behaviors
-mentions of OD

OKAY LMK IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!!

I wasn't quite sure what she meant but I held her tightly as she sobbed. I tried my best to comfort her but it took a while for her to calm down enough to talk.

Once she had, I asked her to elaborate and she ran a shaky hand through her hair. I could tell that what she was about to say was something she'd buried deep and promised to never again speak of.

"I. .am not a good person."

I opened my mouth to disagree but she put up a finger to silence me. She shook her head.

"I'm not," she said, "you don't need to defend me. I know that I've been treating you like. .well, absolute shit. For. .this whole relationship honestly."

I didn't know what to say, I just listened silently.

"I. .am so sorry. I truly am Wilbur. I haven't been treating you the way that I should've been. The truth is. .I don't think I like you the way I've been trying to make myself believe that I do."

My eyes widened. "What? But we-- I mean, you know, we--"

"I know," she said, rubbing her temple. "But when we did that I never really. .finished. And whenever I did, I wasn't really thinking of you in that moment. Which is really fucked I'm sorry."

My face flushed red. "You could've told me that! I could've tried to do better--"

"No!" She flailed her arms, her cheeks dusting pink now as well. "You probably did good! I just. .I'm not attracted to. .you? I'm not. ."

I stared blankly and let her work this out in her head. I could see the cogs turning and it was like she was having to admit this to herself as well. "I. .don't like men."

Her face flushed with pride as the words passed her lips. She smiled. "I don't like men."

I tried to be understanding but I just couldn't wrap my head around this. "But what about Jared?"

She cringed. "I'm so sorry. .I know that sorry can't patch that up but for what it's worth I am so sorry. I just thought that maybe I couldn't love you because you were the problem? But it was me, always has been. "

"But. .when you asked me to take you back? You seemed really genuine, and you've always been super flirtatious!"

She frowned and nodded. "Yeah. I realized that I couldn't like Jared that way either so I thought maybe I could finally like you. .?But I grew obsessive over you because I was scared that if you didn't love me then nobody else would. .so I manipulated you even though I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, this is all so shitty. You've been in a false relationship this whole time. I'm sorry for manipulating you the way I did and. .I know that I've been really horrible to you, I'm not trying to make excuses for myself. I just want to explain."

I nodded and continued to let her elaborate.

"My mom was a narcissist. She eventually overdosed and is gone now but the trauma she gave me is never going to go away. .I've struggled with body dysmporphia my whole life and she was really unsupportive of me and influenced an ED on me. It took me a while to get over that and sometimes I still slip up. My point is that I try to sexualize myself more than I should because. .I want to feel like my body is loved. .? It's really dumb. I'm sorry. But I do and I feel like I need to have a relationship to get that type of validation. You've always treated me well. .I liked that a lot but I was just never able to see your affection romantically. I craved it, but I didn't reciprocate feelings the same way. .

"I should've told you sooner but I just didn't know. My mom never let me explore my sexuality she always shut me down. I didn't want anyone to hate me for being anything other than straight so I tried my hardest to develop what I perceived as normal attraction. But it wasn't okay the way I tried to get that. I hurt you really bad and I think I've become the thing I hated most, my mother. I don't want to repeat this with you or anyone else. That's why. . ."

She looked up at me with glossy eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I'm ending our relationship for real this time, Wilbur. No redoes. No getting back together."

I felt my heart plummet to the pit of my stomach. "Sally-- please. I-- I can be good enough. I'm sorry, I want to be enough for you."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She reached out her hand and placed it softly against my cheek. I placed my hand atop hers and leaned into her touch.

"Wilbur," she said, "you are enough. You are more than enough. That's why we can't do this anymore. What we have has never been healthy. We can't heal together. You deserve the world. You deserve the moon and the whole damn galaxy! But I can't give you that. So I need you to understand that this is over so you can find someone who can. ."

I began to cry now too. This hurt but I did understand. I know that she's right but I just cant help but feel like I did something wrong.

"I think I'm going to go to therapy. . ," she whispered after a moment of pause. "I need help and I can't do it alone like I've been trying to do. I also don't expect you to accept my apology. You're allowed to resent me for this. Maybe we can try again as friends. .?"

I fiddled with my hands and shook my head. "No. I can never see you as a friend. .I want to be more than that. But we can't be, so I guess we should just part ways officially? I don't know. .but it just hurts to see you. ."

She nodded and opened her arms to me. I hugged her tightly and we cried for a long time as I realized this would be the last time I'd ever feel her warm embrace. The last time that I'd ever smell that lavender perfume.

Eventually I got up and packed my things. I wished her luck for recovery and her life in general. She wished me the same and that was that.

Finally it dawned on me that not only was I single but I was also now homeless. Not only that but I probably have a shit ton of trauma I gotta work through now. That'll be fun.

I ended up knocking on Quackity's door. The door opened after about five long minutes and he took one good luck at me and ushered me inside.

He walked back to the bathroom and I lingered in the hallway as he spoke.

"Jesus, Will, you look like shit."

A laugh passed my lips but it was a very odd sound as I was trying to fight back more tears. "I feel like it too."

"What's the suitcases for?" Quackity asked. His words were slightly slurred because he was brushing his teeth.

"Sally and I broke up. For. .for good this time."

The sound of him brushing his teeth stopped briefly as he probably tried to find an appropriate response. He decided to just rinse his mouth and then walk out the bathroom to face me.

"Come here. .," he said, asking for a hug.

I hugged him loosely, more of slumping against him with defeat.

He held me closer and asked me what happened. I told him everything whilst choking on sobs. He nodded along and comforted me accordingly.

"I'm sorry. . ," he said, "you know that it's not your fault, right?"

I nodded slowly. "I know. .but it still hurts."

"We should. . ," he thought for a moment, "let's watch a movie? You don't got a place anymore so you could stay here. There's an extra room in here across from mine. Kinda messy but I can help you fix it up into somethin' real roomy!"

I gave him a small smile. "That'd be really great. .thank you."

He nodded. "Of course."

We walked to his room so that we could just save the cleaning for the following day. We sat down on the bed and watched a Marvel movie until I eventually drifted off.