Gaslighter

16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

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2018

          Naturally, I'd done what any sane person would do hours before they met their boyfriend's idol and secluded mentor: I sat down in the library with my laptop and Googled Stephen Delaroux.

          As expected, most of the information provided was stuff I already knew. He went through periods of time when no one knew where he was or what he was doing, and he preferred it that way, staying away from the public eye. He was a screenwriter, something I actually had some interest in and seemed right up my alley, away from the cameras, away from prying people. Finally, he was friends with most of the current teaching staff at my university and, most importantly, with my parents as well.

          Mentioning his name to my mother had immediately sent her into a monologue about how bonding with this man I'd never met would surely open doors for me if I ever wanted to make it into the film business—which was why I was studying film, anyway—and, though she'd always wanted to see me thrive as an actress, like her, or a director, like my father, screenwriting wasn't "that bad". Guilt struck through me like a burning spear, worrying I was getting her hopes up when I just wanted to meet Chase's mentor for purely selfish reasons that weren't in any way related to my professional future, but I'd always liked writing and, in my current situation, I was in no position to be fussy regarding career options. I was mediocre at everything else, at best.

          "We could try to set you up with an internship with Stephen this summer, or even after graduation," she'd mused, already planning out my entire future before I got a chance to think twice about it. I was used to it, though; it was far easier to let other people take the reins and make my decisions for me, as I couldn't be trusted with things of such importance. After all, I'd been the one to label my relationship with Chase shortly after we first met, when we knew barely anything about one another, and there I was, referring to him as my boyfriend, when we hadn't even talked about it yet. "Oh, Penny, this is a fantastic opportunity for you. I'm so glad you called. How did you hear about Stephen?"

          That had been one of the many times when I should have bit my tongue, let the blood flood my mouth and choke me. Instead, I kept talking,

          "My Introduction to Film Theory professor used to be mentored by him."

          "Oh? Who's this professor you haven't told me anything about?"

          "He's . . ." He was indescribable. My parents weren't the type of people to pry too much into my personal life, which I was grateful for, but I didn't want to risk saying too much out of fear it would give them a reason to worry. They still didn't know about the frat party and everything that had followed, and I was determined to keep things that way, so it was vital that I kept them at arm's length. "Well, he's new. He's just finished his PhD, and this is his first year as a lecturer. I just thought . . . maybe, if I met his mentor, I'd gain some insight into where to go and what to do after college. I don't think I'm cut out for a life in front of the cameras, but maybe academia would be interesting. Stephen Delaroux is a screenwriter, right? Screenwriting sounds fun, too, and it's not something that would overlap with you and Papi."

          She'd sighed, patiently, albeit the tiniest bit frustrated. "I don't think you'd be suited out for a career in academia. You've never liked speaking in front of an audience, so I don't know how lecturing would work out." I wasn't shy. My main issue with public speaking was that I'd never thought anyone would be interested in what I had to say, repeatedly obscured by the spotlight of people who were much smarter, brighter, and better than me, so I'd learned to fade into the background. "Honey, please don't ever feel like you have to limit yourself based on your father and me or our careers. You're your own person; you have to do what is best for you, not for us. We always thought you were great behind a camera, you know? You're very creative."