Gaslighter

01

CHAPTER ONE

▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬

2021

          It was pouring outside.

          My cold hands, trembling and weak and pathetic, struggled to balance three glasses of wine as I carried them back towards the common room, where a bottle of Pinot Noir was expecting me. It's not the only thing waiting for me there; my two roommates, Ingrid and Savannah, both giggled at clumsy Penn as I stumbled towards them and nearly dropped the glasses onto the carpet.

          It was safe to say that particular bottle of Pinot Noir wasn't the first thing we'd had to drink all evening—or all day, even. We'd spent the entire afternoon slipping in and out of semi-drunken states, for the first time in what had felt like an eternity.

          "Thank you, Penny," Ingrid said, voice slurred, and I fell to my designated cushion. They were so big Savannah and her five-foot frame nearly got swallowed up by it. "Did you get the, um . . . the thing? To open the bottle?"

          "No," I whined. "Don't make me get up."

          It was clear neither of them was going to get up and get the bottle opener from the kitchen. Ingrid was a lightweight and Savannah had curled up like a cat, ready for the next dose of alcohol, so I knew I had to be the one to take one for the team. It was the natural order of things, ever since freshman year, and it was just one of those things I'd gotten used to as time went by.

          My parents didn't like them much, and that was putting it mildly.

          To be perfectly honest, my parents didn't like a lot of people. I'd spent my childhood and teenage years believing they tolerated me, at best, something they had to deal with, and it had been gratifying to be left alone during what one would call my 'rebellion' phase. They didn't care much about what I did or who I hung out with, as long as I didn't make a fool out of myself and them, by association, so I never pushed their buttons that much.

          I'd always been so desperate for their approval it would almost be comical if they weren't my parents. They thought Ingrid and Savannah brought out the worst in me, with all the partying and the boys and the alcohol and the occasional coke and weed, but little did they know this get-together was the first time we'd all sat down and spent some quality time together in months.

          "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," Savannah commented, as I opened the bottle and she yanked it right out of my hands. Some droplets spilled onto the mahogany coffee table and Ingrid immediately reached out for a paper towel to wipe them. "We live in the same apartment, yet it seems like you're never here."

          "Yeah," Ingrid agreed, through gritted teeth, still focused on not ruining her mother's precious table. Most of the furniture in the apartment wasn't ours; some of it had already been here, but the vast majority had been lent by Ingrid's family. A generous donation, they'd said, for our girls. "Where the hell have you been, Penn?"

          I sighed. Where hadn't I been?

          "We just got back to college," I said, twirling my glass of wine. I hadn't eaten anything all day and all the alcohol was being dumped into a perky pink empty stomach, gurgling. "It's October. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to catch up."

          "You know what we mean," Savannah insisted. "People spent the summer updating their social media, travelling, and you just . . . went MIA. Did you go anywhere with your parents?"