Gaslighter

22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

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2018

          Against my better judgment, I followed Ingrid and Savannah to the potential shared apartment right before Christmas break. I did it mostly to get Ingrid off my back, as it was getting hard to get to Chase with her constantly hovering around me and wanting to know where I was at all times, under the guise of being 'concerned about my safety', and it worked.

          I repeatedly had to force myself to remember to bite my tongue until I tasted blood, to keep my mouth shut, just so I wouldn't remind her that she hadn't seemed too concerned about my safety before and all of this had been triggered and fueled by guilt, not by a genuine desire to ensure I stay safe. It sounded mean to even think about it and it was then my turn to cower away in shame at my own thoughts, especially when they were so far away from the truth. Hadn't she come back for me later? Hadn't she followed me and Chase to the hospital? How much of it had it been guilt, and how much had it been true remorse?

          To give her some credit, the apartment wasn't half bad.

          I didn't say that out loud, knowing damn well I'd come off as a snob because I'd grown up in a manor, and this was still technically student housing, lodged on campus, but it was way out of a regular student's budget. We had a few people on scholarships, but most of the student body came from exorbitant houses and even richer families, something they had no qualms about exploiting, and the majority lived in the dorms or student housing for the sake of convenience.

          My loft was a comfortable place away from campus, innocent enough to not stand out from every other building in the vicinity, and everyone in my building kept to themselves, myself included. I was used to being by myself, even though the weight of my unbearable loneliness sometimes felt so heavy it was suffocating, but this wasn't necessarily a better alternative.

          The apartment itself was fine. There was barely any furniture besides the absolute necessities like basic appliances—a fridge, a stove, and a kitchen sink—and the plumbing in the bathroom, but Ingrid assured me everything else wouldn't be a problem, that her mother would be thrilled to help us out furnish the place so it wouldn't look as barebones. It still looked fancier than a regular student apartment elsewhere—would any other student apartment feature steel blue walls?—with its dark wood flooring, and the windows were tall and wide in the living room, bringing in the light and giving us a beautiful view of the city in the distance and the campus down there. This could work, but I wasn't too excited about living with other people.

          For starters, I liked the little independence I had, having no one to answer to but myself when it came to how early I left or how late I returned, and the ability to have visitors and privacy was something I highly valued.

          Secondly, with them being around, I would never dare to ask Chase to come over; as though it wasn't dangerous enough to ask him to stop by while living on campus, I'd have two other people paying attention to whoever came in through the front door.

          "So, what do you think?" Ingrid asked me, perched up on one of the marble-topped counters. Those already came with the apartment, I figured. Next to her, Savannah struggled with opening a bottle of Pinot Grigio, which wouldn't be my drink of choice for the middle of the afternoon. "I know there's not much here yet, but I think the place has potential once it's properly furnished and decorated."

          "I suppose," I retorted, hands tucked safely inside my coat's pockets. The heating system hadn't been activated, as it was a vacant apartment, and my low temperature tolerance left much to be desired. My poor fingers were red and swollen from the harsh winter and I could barely close my hands into fists. "It looks expensive, though, even for a student apartment."