지금, 당신이 어디에 있든 (Now, Wherever You Are)

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"Cheong San?" Came Su Hyeok's voice from the other side of the door. "Are you in there?"

"Yeah," Cheong San mumbled.

"Cheong San!" Su Hyeok exclaimed, lowering his voice, like he didn't want anyone to hear their exchange. "What's wrong?"

Cheong San opened the door and stood in the frame, looking bright. "Nothing! Why do you ask?"

"Cheong San." Su Hyeok said trying to sound stern, but he was still speaking in the softer tone, so all he managed was to sound even cuter than he already did normally, Cheong San thought. "You've been going to the bathroom every ten seconds the whole night. What's the matter with you? Are you not feeling good?"

"Nothing. I'm good."

"Did you drink too much?"

"No."

"It's okay if you did, it's normal to exaggerate a bit on your first time."

"But I didn't. I'm cool. Really." Cheong San said and took a step out of the bathroom. He tripped and almost fell. Su Hyeok caught him. Feeling Su Hyeok's touch made his stomach flutter with a million butterflies and his reaction to that feeling was laughing. He laughed like Su Hyeok had just told him the funniest joke.

"Oh, ops, I almost fell," he remarked as if it wasn't obvious. "Thanks, Su Hyeok." Everyone else called Su Hyeok by some nickname or usually said "buddy," "man," "pal," etc when talking with him. Not Cheong San. Cheong San loved Su Hyeok's name, for him it was the prettiest name there was, despite Su Hyeok himself disagreeing. He always asked everyone to not call him by his name, since freshman year, and because he was among the popular kids, people complied, so by now, halfway through their third and last year of high school, everyone was already used to not calling him by his name. Except for Cheong San, who had always called him like that since they were kids.

One time, Cheong San called him something else, some nickname he heard one of Gwi Nam's henchmen (as Cheong San regarded them) say; Su Hyeok put on a face of estrangement. "Why're you calling me like that?" he asked.

"Isn't that how people call you?" Cheong San asked.

"Yeah, but not you."

"Is it weird that I called you that?"

"A little bit," Su Hyeok said, a little flushed. "You always call me by my name."

"I thought you didn't like when people called you by your name."

"Yeah, but not you."

At the party, still holding Cheong San by the arm, afraid he might trip again, Su hyeok said, "Let's find you somewhere to sit, you don't look so good." After a pause, he added, "No offense."

Cheong San laughed. "None taken. But don't worry, I'm fine, I promise."

"Yeah, but can we go either way? I'd like to talk to you about something."

Don't panic was the only thing Cheong San managed to think. He had zero idea of what Su Hyeok might want to talk about, and it was easy to fall into the rabbit hole of trying to figure it out, so he demanded of himself that he didn't do it. "Sure," he answered.

Su Hyeok guided him through the crowd towards the staircase and up with "Excuse mes" and "Ops, my bads" as he bumped on one or two people. Cheong San noticed Su Hyeok still held his hand since the bathroom and he felt himself get flushed.

Su Hyeok led him past a closed door, which Cheong San knew was the parents' bedroom and got to another further down the hallway – Su Hyeok's room. Su Hyeok started to open it and Cheong San (a little behind, not seeing who was inside and not being seen) heard Gwi Nam's voice.

"Ugh fuck me, Gwi Nam, don't you have anywhere else to go?" Su Hyeok complained.

"C'mon, man, give me some privacy." Evidently, Gwi Nam was not alone there.

Su Hyeok didn't seem to want Gwi Nam to see Cheong San, so instead of expelling him from his bedroom, he said, "Whatever," and shut the door. He then led Cheong San to his parents' bedroom. He didn't turn the lights on, so they were in the dark, but the light that entered through the window was enough to make things visible in the room.

"Is it really okay for me to be here?" Cheong San asked, worried about invading Su Hyeok's parents' private space.

"Don't worry, it's fine." Su Hyeok sounded like there were more important matters at hand and this was not a priority at the moment. "Now tell me – what's wrong? Something has been bugging you for weeks, I noticed it. I was giving you space to come tell me when you felt like it, but I'm getting worried. Is everything alright?"

Cheong San sighed and (abandoning all attempts at not invading anyone's private space, given that he already had) sat on the bed. "No," Cheong San said simply.

"No... what?"

"Everything is not alright." He revealed that because, not only was there no way he could be convincing at lying about everything being alright, but also he couldn't put himself to lie. Not at this point. Not to Su Hyeok. But that didn't mean he had decided to stop being a coward. He still prayed Su Hyeok didn't push him too hard and didn't make him tell him what was wrong.

"Then what is it?"

"I–" Cheong San started but interrupted himself.

Su Hyeok watched him expectantly. Cheong San avoided eye contact, although nothing could prevent him from feeling Su Hyeok's gaze on him. "I just... I don't know, let's just drop it."

"Do you think I'll be judgemental? Or that I'll think less of you?"

"No, it's not that. I know you won't. That's part of the thing, actually." That you're so fucking perfect that I just can't make myself face you straight up. That you seem too good to be true. That's part of the problem.

Su Hyeok then approached the bed and, as he sat by Cheong San's side, he said something that was just cruel. "Sanyeong," he called. "You know you can tell me anything, right? You know that, don't you?"

Cheong San hated that Su Hyeok called him that. Because actually he loved that nickname Su Hyeok had for him and he loved it every time Su Hyeok called him that, it was their thing, only theirs. Su Hyeok never called him that in front of others and Cheong San knew almost for sure –even though Su Hyeok himself never said it and Cheong San never inquired– that the reason for that was that Su Hyeok didn't want anyone else to catch it and start calling Cheong San that, too.

Cheong San hated that he called him that in that moment, because that was the final push. He felt his heart melt at that word – his whole body melt, almost –; he was glad he was sitting because he felt weak, and that was not only the alcohol's doing.

The first tear came rushing down his cheek. "Su Hyeok." His voice was cracked.

"Oh, Sanyeong, what is it?" Su Hyeok said, instinctively putting his arm around Cheong San and pulling him for a tight hug. Cheong San's face buried on Su Hyeok's upper body, he sobbed.