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"Amaya, please." I attempt to pull her dress over her but she only cries and walks away.
"Mama. Mama no dress." She mutters.
She's been crying all day. I want to take her to the bakery with me since I'm closed for a while. I'm adding a few stuff to the menu.
"Amaya." I soften my voice.
She turns around from across the room. Connects her blue eyes with me. Stops crying.
Her hair has grown. Her brown wavy hair now cascades down her shoulders. And she's pretty chatty for a 16 month old baby.
"Mama so pwetty." She babbles, picking up her car toy.
Awe. She's the sweetest.
"Thank you, baby." I smile at her. "Now come here. We have to get dressed so we can go to the bakery. Do you want a cupcake?"
"I want cupcake now!" She yells.
"We gotta get dressed first, maya." I try to reason with her but of course that doesn't go well.
She throws her car toy to the floor, then like the dramatic child she is she throws herself onto the floor and starts crying.
"Bad mama." She yells. "Maya hate mama!" She rolls herself around the floor, throwing a tantrum for the 3rd time today.
Oh god. I'm not trying to be a bad mom. But somehow it seems like whatever I do, I mess it up.
I drop my head into my hands. Tears burn my eyes. My throat closes up. I hear the cries of my baby intensifying. A tears runs down my cheek. Another one runs down my cheek.
"Bad mama!" She yells. "Bad bad bad bad bad..." she keeps repeating.
"Hey, what's happening?" I look up to see Marco walking in the room. His eyes move from me to Amaya who is still yelling.
"I'm a bad mom. I can't- I've been trying to stop her tantrums all day." I end up crying even more so I huff and throw my head back in my hands.
"Amaya." Marco says.
I look up at them.
Amaya stops crying. She looks up. Sees Marco. Starts speed-walking towards him. "Mawco!" Her hands wrap around Marco's leg in a hug.
Oh, wow. So when I'm trying all day she keeps crying, but the second Marco walks in everything's fine?
"Come here, Maya." Marco bends down and lifts her up into his arms. "Getting big, aren't you?" He jokes.
Amaya just laughs and lays her head on Marco's shoulder.
They both stare at me as they walk towards me. I break eye contact and let another sob wreck through me.
