A tribute

SIXTY-THREE| Father

February 8, 2022

I never wanted to have children. Never. When it came to having children, my experiences with my father was enough to have me running the other direction.

My father wasn't always like this. My mom always told me stories about how they met. She explained to me how sweet he was. How he saved her from her abusive stepfather. He only started abusing me and my mother when I turned five. I don't know what it was, but on my fifth birthday, something in him snapped. Something changed. He became a totally different man. He cancelled my birthday party, took me to his room and beat me all night. When my mom tried to help me, he tied her up and beat her too.

That was the first time he beat me. I got away with a concussion, countless bruises and cigarette burns, and a knife in my abdomen.

Reading this over, I'm not sure I should even be saying this to you. I'm counting on you never finding this. But somehow I feel like I owe this to you. To be more vulnerable.

When we were in Portofino, you stopped at a baby store. You stared at the little brown towel with bear ears on the hood. You smiled, gently grazed your fingertips over the glass and awed.

That's when I realized, being a father to your children would make me the happiest man in the world.

In that moment, I decided nothing my father had done mattered. I won't allow him to steal that pleasure away from me. I won't allow him to convince me that I'd be just like him— a terrible father.

I promise to meet all the standards and qualities you deem necessary for a husband. And for a father.

In that moment, I promised myself that when we have kids, I'll be the best father to exist.

Alessio Giovanni Costello, the man who's greatest wish is to be forever yours.