Have You Smiled Today? (A Party Poison AU)

And So it Begins...

The Fab Four's Trans Am backed out of the stable so fast, it almost knocked off the door. I thought I would be fine without a seatbelt, as I usually am, but this time I automatically buckled up. This is gonna be a wild fuckin' ride, I know that for sure, I thought, clutching the side of my seat in one hand and my seatbelt in the other.
We sped down the dust-covered Main Street for about two seconds before the car screeched to a halt. Bad on brakes. I looked out the window, and there was a sad gas station just looming right off the road. Looking at the pumps, I suddenly thought about my own car. "Is my car gonna be safe in the stables all night?" I asked.
"Oh yeah," Jet Star said, "Razor stays stationed in there all night, every night. I think he gets sleep in the morning when the bar's closed and he switches posts. He's got a gun, too. Was a sniper in the military before he became a Killjoy. You've got absolutely nothing to worry about." He climbed out of the backseat after Kobra Kid, and I opened my own door and got out.
The fresh air outside was a relief from the cigarette stench of the car. As I walked to the door of the ancient gas station, Party made a clicking sort of noise with his tongue. A young kid popped out from the side of the building and ran to his feet. After having a short conversation with the boy, Party placed some carbons in his hand. The boy started fueling the Trans Am.
I opened the door to the gas station and stepped towards the counter. "Ahem," coughed Kobra Kid as he peered through the door, "You're not gonna find much in there. Store's in the cellar." He walked away.
Blushing, I rushed out of the store and saw the cellar door being held open. I opened it all the way and hopped in. "Thanks," I said to Fun Ghoul, who had been holding the door.
The store was lit brightly by fluorescent lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling. No light filtered in from the tiny windows up near where the wall came to a stop. It smelled like any other curio shop does: musty, old, and full of character. Party immediately started browsing. Us five were the only ones in the store. "Slow day?" Kobra asked the guy at the counter. "It's not the day, wise guy," he replied, "Hardly anyone stops in at 11 at night. It's dangerous."
"Whatever, loser," Kobra laughed at the guy. I guess they were friends. Fun Ghoul looked genuinely bored. Party and Jet marveled at little whatever-things and brought them to the counter in a little pile. Me, I had no idea what do do.
I tried to fit in by looking at the shelves upon shelves of junk. It was uneventful until I saw a few swords displayed on the wall. Katanas.
"Um... Are these real?" I called at the cashier.
"Real swords," he replied, "Not real samurai swords from when, like, samurais still existed, but real swords. Real kill-a-man swords. Real conversation pieces, too. 50 carbons for all three of 'em."
I paused and started feeling my utility belt for my little purse of carbons. They were there. I picked the whole display shelf off the wall and took it to the counter.
After I managed to count out 50 carbons, the rest of the Fab Four showed up.
"I'll add a pack of cigarettes to that," Fun Ghoul said, dropping a handful of carbons on the counter.
"M-me too," I said, following suit. Ghoul stared at me like I was crazy. Which, was probably true. What are you doing? I thought, taking the pack the cashier gave me and shoving it into a holster on my belt.
********
"Scan user: 'Party Poison' for entry."
Party leaned over and positioned his eye in front of the retinal scanner. Despite the incredibly dark atmosphere, his eye was recognized.
"Access granted."
The doors to the Fab Four's old diner swooshed open, carrying the strong scent of men: sweat, dirty laundry, and liquor. I coughed a little as I entered, trying not to suffocate on the stench.
"Welcome to our humble abode," Party said, brandishing his arm before him and holding the door open, "Excuse the shape it's in. We've been trying to work on it, make it more functional, y'know?"
I looked in. It was dark, but I could tell the mildewed shower in the living quarters had been removed. The four canvas sleeping cots had also been rearranged. Did they have this planned, or did they just realize that they were living in near poverty despite their resources? The world may never know. The answer is out there somewhere, with how many licks it actually takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
I stepped in. Warily. I didn't quite trust the guys yet. I clutched the three katanas to my chest; having put the display shelf in the guys' trunk.
As soon as Jet Star, who was walking behind me, entered the diner as well; the two three-inch-thick metal doors behind him slammed shut with a horrible 'whoosh' and 'clang'. I jumped when the whole room was suddenly drenched in darkness. It was the middle of the night, or possibly early morning; and the layers of posters plastered on the grimy and cracked windows would have drowned out all of the sunlight if it wasn't.
My eyes immediately adjusted to the darkness. Before I found my home, I had spent so much time in places even darker than the diner-
I digress. My hand shot to the butt of my ray gun in its holster. I clutched it for about ten seconds; until a series of electric hums and fizzes filled the diner. As my eyes burned from the sudden light, I saw Kobra at a breaker by the door, locking the cover to it. "Huh," he said, "Lights don't usually do this. Oh well." He shrugged and walked across the cracked, black-and-white tile floor to the line of cots; yanked off his boots, took off his sunglasses and tossed them across the room, and passed out.
"It's been a long day," Party whispered in my ear, "My baby brother gets tired sometimes." He chuckled and walked into the diner kitchen. Meanwhile, Fun Ghoul was talking affectionately to someone on the other end of his communicator, and eventually walked down a small corridor into a room unknown to me.
And so I stood, alone, in the middle of a diner, not knowing what to do. And so I stood, alone, in the middle of a diner, not knowing what to do, for approximately thirty minutes. I sat down on the floor and made use of time trying to read whatever the posters said, backwards.
I heard Party Poison yawn, and the lights in the kitchen went out. He appeared from the doors seconds later, and paused, surprised, when he saw me sitting on the floor. "Oh, hey," he said, "I thought you went to sleep already."
"I would have, but I don't know where to go."
"Right," He paused and scratched his head nonchalantly, "I never thought about that. Well then." Party extended an arm down to me to help me off, and I accepted his help. For once.
Kobra Kid began snoring loudly as Party led me down the same hallway that Fun Ghoul went down previously.
The hallway was really dark, and it freaked me out a little. I wasn't going to ask why it was so dark. I didn't need to, did I?
Party opened a door near the end of the corridor. Inside, there was a stripped concrete floor and walls; along with a tiny shade-less lamp sitting on a cardboard box next to a canvas cot. "Thank you," I told Party with an acknowledging glance.
Before I walked in, however, the pager on my ear exploded in a series of warning beeps and buzzes. It caused me to jump and yell. In turn, Party came running back down the hallway from which he exited. "What's wrong?" he asked, practically flying into the room. I fumbled with my utility belt until I found the small tablet. Looking through the screen, I saw a BLI car start to zoom up the mountain- my mountain. I frantically slammed my finger on the bright red "shoot now" button on the screen. "Target locked. Initiating power blast. All systems go. Fire." The camera zoomed in on the car and, before I could blink; it was up in flames and rolling down the mountain the way it came up.
"What's wrong?" Party Poison repeated, trying to look past my shoulder and see the screen.
"Party, we need to leave. Now."
"Wait, wha-"
"Don't ask questions," I said, my gloved hand grabbing his arm and dragging him down the hall, "just get in the fucking Trans Am and wait for me. GET UP, YOU LAZY FUCKERS!" I yelled down the hall and at Kobra.
I darted out the door, the others exasperated and following my trail. Kobra had barely managed to get his boots on, and Ghoul was hobbling out in a tank top and shorts, plus his belt.
I ran out of the diner and into the chilly desert night. There were no stars in the sky; a blank, black-purple canvas devoid of anything but red dots orbiting the perimeter. After gazing for a split second, I hopped into the driver's side of the Trans Am and turned the key, that was already in the ignition. It revved up quickly, despite the beat-up exterior of the car.
When the last door of the car slammed, I took off at top speed.
********
The night sky whistled past the cracked windows of the car as I soared across the dusty roads of the Zones. All else was silent.
"Where are we even going?" Fun Ghoul asked peeking out from the backseat, "I'm tired."
"Hi, Tired, I'm Toxic Oxygen," I replied sarcastically, "Sorry to inform you, but I don't give a shit about your personal woes. I hope your gun is charged." With that statement, his eyes went wide and he pulled his gun from his belt. He plugged it into his portable charger. So did everyone else, from my view through the cracked rear-view mirror. I sighed.
I wasn't worried about anything on this trip. I was going 96.5 miles per hour; if there were any sharp things in the road, I'd be flying over them, literally, for sure.
"We're gonna be leaving the Zones soon," Jet Star stated, "I don't think that's safe, there's the radioactive wastelands from the Pig Bomb out there."
"No, we're not," I replied, clutching the wheel tightly with both hands and taking a sharp right turn. I could hear Kobra Kid and Jet Star yell from the backseat as they were flung against their door.
I stomped the gas harder than I had before, bringing the speed to 102. The seatbelt light was blinking and beeping out of control as I bounced up and down in my seat, the car coasting right off small hills; while the steering wheel was the only thing anchoring me down. I felt so sorry for the shocks in that old car.
Soon, we came to the mountains. With every fraction of a millisecond, the car zoomed toward what seemed to be a solid wall of rock and dry shrubs.
"Fucking hell, lady!" Fun Ghoul yelled, gripping the backside of the driver's seat, "We're literally going to drive straight into a fucking mountain! What is your problem?!"
I did nothing but smirk as all of the passengers started making noises similar to that of a parrot's.
And then we blasted through the sand and under a mountain. Mixed shouts and whispers of phrases along the lines of "What the actual fuck?" floated around the car. Sunlight rose over the sand and immediately began to bake everything in the dead, barren state.
********
Sand crunched underneath the boots of all five of us. "So this is where you live!" Fun Ghoul laughed, jabbing me tauntingly in the side with his fist. Or was that a punch? "You worked so hard to get us to leave but you end up bringing us right back. You're an idiot."
I stopped walking, turned around, and stared him in his baby-puke-green eyes, my mouth curling into a scowl. My pigtails drooped in the dryness and still air. He smirked. "And what, exactly, are you going to do?"
I pulled my eyebrows together and socked him, directly in the right side of his waist. When he grunted and tried to retaliate, I gave him a left to the jaw. He passed out. I turned around and continued walking as if nothing has happened. The rest of the Fab Four did, too.
Again undoing all of the various locks and hatches, I opened my door. "Welcome," I said, walking in, "I'll try not to hit you in the head with a police baton this time."
"That was a police baton? I thought it was a baseball bat," Kobra muttered. I wondered if he was sleeping behind his sunglasses. Hell, I wondered if he had eyes behind his sunglasses. He never took them off. Ever. Except for that one time in the diner, but his eyes were already closed. Did I even care?
There I go again, digressing.
"Now that you're here," I said, rummaging through one of my kitchen cabinets, "Enjoy this bag of potato chips. On the house." I threw a bag of Lay's at them, that expired before the Helium Wars. Old. "However," I continued, slamming the cabinet door and facing them, "if you leave this living room, or take anything from this living room, I will find out, and let's just say-" I eyed the three of them angrily from my position in the kitchen. "I will not be happy."
I sauntered out of the kitchen and grabbed the knob of my front door. "Repeat everything I said to your little friend Fun Ghoul. He's coming back in, and he won't be pleased," I said, before leaving, grabbing the collar of the unconscious Fun Ghoul's vest, and quite literally heaving him into the house.
The desert seemed to be hotter than ever. The Trans Am simmered and became distorted in heat waves, like it wasn't even real. The mountains lay dormant in the sunlight, always staying there despite massive atomic bombs being dropped and witnessing the slaughter of uncountable, innocent, human beings...
I continued walking through the neighborhood and into Main Street. Dead landscaping grass and sand turned to dust beneath my feet as I walked toward the mountain that the dead Drac hopefully was on.
I climbed up the mountain slowly, the worn tread on my combat boots proving practically worthless. After summiting the large hill, I started down the other side.
And there it was, the burnt and crumpled shell of a BL/ind standard-issue vehicle, a centerpiece in an arrangement of disintegrated shrubs. I jogged over to it, the tools on my utility belt jingling against my empty chain-link machete sheath. I missed that sword.
A Drac lay, hunched unceremonially over the steering wheel. By the looks of the carnage, the laser from my gun had went straight through the window and into the mask of the Drac.
I opened the glovebox and started to sort through the junk he had in there. Porno droid magazines, flashlights, batteries, half-eaten bologna and cheese sandwiches (ew), and a small toy. It was an elephant, a little wooden one, painted delicately. The paint was chipped and one of the tusks was gone, but it brought back a memory.
The laughter of kids playing in the yard. "Raven, look what Juniper got me for finally making it to senior year!" A small, wooden elephant. A smile. Another smile across the lawn. More laughter. Singing. Parents screaming. Gas bombs falling from the sky. Children screaming. Choking. "Raven, help! Please..." Deafened. Panic. Running inside. Gas mask. Bombs sizzling. More screaming. Silence.
I gasped as I realized that I was no longer on my front patio watching the gas bombs terrorize the Zones, but in a Drac's trashed car. I gasped even harder when I realized that the Drac wasn't dead.
The cold metal of a ray gun was pressed up against my forehead. "Scream, and I'll give you something to scream about," the Drac said, ugly mask staring into my soul.
Oh god.
I reached for my machete for the innumerable time that day before realizing that it wasn't there. When would the concept stick? "Make another move, and you die," he growled again, pressing the gun even harder against my skull.
I got ready to die, when the Drac suddenly collapsed on top of me. I screamed.
Party was outside the driver's side window, still holding his gun up to where the Drac's head was. Surprised, I scrambled out from under the Drac and into the sun. "Dude," I said, blushing and shoving the elephant into my pocket, "Thanks. I won't say I didn't need that."
Party just smiled. "Not a problem. I always feel better after I kill a Drac. Thanks for the chips, by the way."
I smiled and started to walk back home. "The guys are already in the Trans Am," Party said as he followed me back, "We put your katanas on your patio."
"Thank you," I said, "I'll be sure to stop by your place on my way out of Kripske to go get my car. With food. Not Power Pup food, either."
"Speaking of Kripske," Party said, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving me a sympathetic look as I winced away, "Want to go to the glowstick rave at Hobo's tomorrow night? I'll pay your way in. As thanks for everything."
"Honestly," I said, "I should be the one thanking you."
"No need," he replied, smiling, "We're nice people. Lots of room for courtesies. Plus, you're cool with us, even after everything."
I stopped walking for a moment and looked at him in the eyes. "Thanks again," I said, before crouching down and sliding down the mountain, "We'll see each other soon again, I'm sure." Party smiled and walked the opposite direction.
He's not too bad, I thought, not bad at all.
But I had worse things to worry about than Party Poison and his friends. The Dracs were coming in daily, and I needed to find a way to fix it.
Fast.

A/N: Shitty chapter I'm sorry. I just got a pair of kittens so it's been hard finding time to update. Forgive the loser-ness of this chapter. I'm already working on the next chapter, so it won't be long before the next update.