Have You Smiled Today? (A Party Poison AU)

Harley Quinn and A Hippie

   A/N: I was tagged for that stupid twenty question thing so if you were tagged just skip to the end unless you want to read this chapter then go ahead and do that thanks loves

   I woke up in the living room, a change from my usual spot in my bed. I looked for the source of the noise that shook me from my sleep, and eventually saw that it was the radio on my mantel. It was making a weird, staticky noise that sounded like someone was trying to talk to me.
   Putting my hands down to hoist myself from the couch I was on, I didn't realize that Party Poison was on the sofa was well. I accidentally used his groin as a support. Oops. "Woah!" he yelled, jolting awake, "Don't get excited, Toxic...! Off limits!"
   "Sorry," I casually said, "I was trying to get up, and your dick just happened to be in the way."
  "Because it's so big, it's hard to miss?" he smirked, sitting up straight.
"Nah, more like it's so small I thought there was a cockroach in your pants and had to squish it." I spat in reply, shooting finger guns at him.
"You won't be saying that tonight, baby," he winked. I rolled my eyes. Typical, I thought.
"Would you quit it with the high school fuckboy comebacks?"
"Yeah, sure," he replied the corners of his mouth turning up ever-so-slightly, "Thanks for giving me a hard-on for nothing."
"Who said it was for nothing, baby?" I purred, bending over so that my pigtails just brushed his cheeks. Boy, this whole shenanigan was fun. I was glad I took theatre club in high school.
"Oh... my... god..." Party breathed, reaching down for his belt.
"Not today, Kürbis! Not today!" I sang, putting my palm on his forehead and using it to push myself up and away from him, "I can't believe you took that seriously."
"You're the only cockblock you'll ever need, Toxic," Party smirked, blushing furiously and crossing his legs, "What's that noise?"
Way to change the subject, I thought, flashing Party a mocking grin.
   "My radio," I replied, "Let's go see who's trying to bother us this morning."
   I flipped the switch on my radio to 'communicate' and waited for a response from the other end.
   "Come in Toxic Oxygen and Party Poison, come in Toxic and Party," the radio hummed, in the hardly recognizable voice of Jet Star. He was whispering, which means we had to whisper, too. I held my finger to my lips at Party, suggesting that he stay quiet. "Toxic Oxygen here," I said as quiet as possible, motioning at Party to respond as well. "Party Poison here," he said in the same tone of voice.
   "We- we're surrounded. There's Dracs out there, there's S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/S... The only people that are not outside our door are Korse and the CEO. We're hiding in the kitchen freezer right now, and it's getting really, really cold. Something tells me that was a bad idea." Kobra Kid mumbled, fear dripping from his words. Party and I exchanged terrified glances.
   "What should I- they do?" I said quietly to Party.
   "You make bombs, right? Maybe you can cause a distraction explosion in Grover or somewhere, try and keep them over there for long enough for the boys to get all their stuff and leave, then meet them somewhere and blow... Blow the actual diner up. It's not safe for us to be there anymore." Party seemed somewhat distraught when he suggested planting a bomb in the diner. That was his home, after all, for a really long time.
   "That sounds... Like a plan." I said, turning to the radio and reciting everything Party said. There was a hesitation on the other end, before someone inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. "Okay," Ghoul said, "We'll try not to freeze to death in the meantime. Thank you."  The static cut out, and an obnoxious humming sound replaced it.
   "Get your mask on, Party Poison," I said, going toward the back door, "We've got stuff to blow up." Party nodded at my command, and I went out back to my lab, where I had a stock of what I called the 'big, bad bombs'.
********
   I drove as fast as I could from Zone 3 to Zone 5, with two bombs in the trunk of one of my BL/ind cars, anyway. Party, in the passenger seat, looked uncomfortable with me next to him. It was probably because I was in a full Draculoid uniform. "Remember," I said, "If anyone asks, I captured you and are taking you to the diner as bait for the other three. Act like it." Party nodded, staring forward out the windshield.
   In actuality, we were traveling to the town of Grover, that was nearly entirely destroyed by the 2012 fires, so that we could blow it up as a distraction. I clutched the CB of the car, which I had wired so that BLI couldn't receive signals from it. "Remember, when the officials leave to investigate the explosion, there will be some remaining on your premises. They'll most likely be 'C/R/O/Ws. If you can't take them out by yourself, we can come and finish the job." I spoke, as Jet's teeth chattered and he breathed heavily on the other end.
   "H-h-hh. Hh-o-ok-okay," he breathed, obviously freezing.
   "Try and stay warm, okay?" I finished, ending the CB call.
As we neared Grover, Party got increasingly nervous. "You okay?" I asked, casting a sidelong glance at him.
"Yeah," he replied, "I've just never blown anything up before."
I let out a huff of laughter. "That's nothing to worry about, unless the bomb is unstable or you have four seconds to get away from it before it blows," I explained, "Plus, I'll be the detonator. You can just watch." Party Poison really wasn't turning out to be the sassy-ass macho man than everyone in the six Zones made him out to he. Either that, or he just wasn't a sassy-ass macho man around me.
The charred and faded 'Grover City Limits' sign came within our sight, and disappeared in our dust just as fast. "We're here," said Party.
"Ah, Captain Obvious sails into the harbor once again," I retorted, leaning forward to make a sharp turn and end up by the stack of charcoal that Grover residents once called the town hall. I brought the car to a halt. "Get out, Party," I said, getting out myself. I was never the hypocritical type, if you haven't noticed already.
   We both walked around the car and met at the trunk, the BLI license plate on the bumper glistening in the sun. "Where do we put it?" Party asked, prying open the trunk and examining the contents. There were two bombs, an AK-47, and my three katanas.
"I was thinking that we could put it in the town hall- what's left of the town hall, anyway. It's pretty central in town, easy to see." Party, gazing from the bomb in the trunk to the horribly charred doorway of Grover Town Hall, nodded in contemplation.
"Sounds good," he said, "but I really hope the boys are still okay in that freezer. I feel like we're taking too long." As soon as those words escaped his lips, my eyes widened and I froze for a split second (no pun intended).
I grabbed the bomb and handed it to Party. He took it, confused, and I pulled the small detonating remote from my jacket pocket. "Put it in the middle, then run like shit. I'll blow it up while we're driving."
"Aye-aye, captain," Party winked, toting the bomb fifty feet and setting the bomb in the middle of a burnt mess. I closed the trunk, flipped off the BL/ind license plate, and slid into the drivers' seat of the Subaru. Looking out the window, I saw Party carefully set the bomb down and jog back to the car.
As soon as he slid into the passenger's seat; I hit the gas and got the hell out of Grover, as fast I possibly could. When I thought we were far enough away from the explosives, I stopped the car and took the detonating remote in my hand.
"Ready to drive like shit away from the Dracs?" I asked, looking at the button and then at him.
   "You bet your ass," he muttered. I swooned. He was kind of- okay, really- hot when he was determined and growling and shit.
With that, I used one hand to punch the button on the detonator; and the other to steer the fuck away.
********
Krazy Lazer pulled up to an unassuming roadside motel, out in the middle of nowhere. She still looked shaken. Everyone else did, too. I mean, how could someone not be just a little unstable after they just watched their home explode?
It was amazing how all six of us could fit in that Trans Am, along with several boxes of supplies. We all ended up sitting on laps, and Kobra looked like his spleen was about to burst under the weight of Jet Star. I also have to admit that Party sitting on my lap was just a tad humiliating.
Crammed in every space between us were boxes and bags and suitcases full of random stuff. There were guns, carbons, clothes, bottles of hair dye, spray paints, Playboy magazines, and cans of food everywhere, and it was really uncomfortable. But, you have to take what you need.
"Why are we here, again?" I asked, looking past Party Poison's back and out the window. The Saguaro Motel was boarded up and incredibly dusty; just like every other hotel in the desert.
"My friends Zombie Joker and Flower Child live here. I thought we should tell them that our place of residence has been obliterated, so, you know, they won't come back. Also, it's been forever since I've talked to them." Krazy shot a glance at Ghoul, who winked in return.
Shit. Meeting new people.
Party opened the door we were currently pressed against, causing him and about three cans of Power Pup to go tumbling onto the sand. I hopped out after him, tossing a can back into the car on my way out.
   Whenever I blinked, all I could see was that snapshot of flames and flying shrapnel, laced with Drac parts and pieces of ovens. It wasn't even my home, but I still felt the effects. It was the home of the person that I... Loved. Party Poison. It was like his pain was somehow finding a way to seep into me, and to be honest, it was really exhausting.
   Krazy walked in front of the beat-up Trans Am (I left the BLI car to blow up) and onto the motel's sidewalk in front of the doors. She continued, silently, to Room 9; and knocked three times. After waiting for a response for several seconds, the door popped open and a woman with hair like Harley Quinn stepped out. She was dressed in Batman boxers and a grey tank top. When she smiled, I noticed that she had braces. If you had braces during all this, you went straight to your local former dentist, got them removed, and sold them for food. They were a luxury.
"Hey, guys!" She called from her post in the doorway. Her voice was very raspy and quiet. "Ghoul, Party, Jet, Kobra, nice to see you all again!" She eyed me suspiciously. "Well, guys, come on over!"
With that, everyone began gravitating toward the strong scent of incense wafting from the open door. When I stepped in front of the woman with black-and-red hair, she grinned and stuck out her hand. "I'm Zombie Joker," she whispered. I suspect that was her normal voice. "DC comics enthusiast, former Four Seasons waitress, and overall kickass person. Who are you?"
I took her hand and barely moved it. I wasn't necessarily a social person. "Toxic Oxygen. Physics major, electrical engineer, Drac murderer."
"Great to get to know you! How about we all go inside and I'll grab some beers?" She walked inside, and the guys smiled and sauntered inside. I followed, reluctantly as always.
********
   I used a pocketknife to pop off the cap of my Budweiser. "So, guys, what's the occasion?" Zombie asked, crossing her legs on her floor cushion. All of us were on floor cushions. There was a shit ton of rock arrangements and dreamcatchers and candles and incense and meditation bells all over the hotel room; which I blamed on the blonde, flower-haired girl on a mat with her eyes closed in the corner. I assumed that was the "Flower Child" that Krazy mentioned.
I chugged half my bottle while I was waiting for a response. Jet glanced at me like I had accomplished something otherworldly, which encouraged me to down the rest of the beer and blow into the top. I was good at playing the bottle.
"Well," Party began, "This morning, the guys called me and Toxic- we were up at Toxic's place-" Ghoul couldn't manage to stifle an immature snicker, which earned an elbow in the ribs from Party. "Anyway, the guys called us and told us they were surrounded by pigs, so we told them to get their shit together. We bombed Grover for a second time as a distraction, then swooped in and shot the remaining ones, then while they escaped, we packed everything in the Trans Am and blew the diner up." Party was making hand gestures as he was telling the story, and took a deep breath as he finished.
"So, basically, you're homeless now," Zombie said. It was more of a statement than a question.
Not me, I thought. Then I realized that they'd all come crawling to me for shelter sooner or later.
"Pretty much," Jet responded, "But T-" I shot daggers at him from across the coffee table we were sitting around, causing him to change what he was about to say, "Excuse me. But don't you think we could stay here?"
"Sorry. We were planning on leaving for Zone 6 tomorrow morning. The Dracs are closing in, fast. Dr. D even recommends that we should go-"
"Zone 6? That's where the Pig Bomb was dropped! There's so much radioactive activity and chemicals over there, you'd be dead in a minute. Why would Dr. D, of all people, want you to move there? Does he want you to die? I knew that guy was a fucking asshole, I knew it this whole fucking time!" I spat impulsively. I couldn't help that one, but I knew that Zone 6 was fucking dangerous. "How about we change the subject and discuss this in the morning...?"
Everything went silent, and I became infatuated with the dirt smudges on my boots. I had humiliated myself once again.
"Soooo..." Krazy interrupted, flicking a spike on her Mohawk, "Ghoul and I are getting married... And all you ladies are invited to my bachelorette party, which is tomorrow, wherever we end up!" She clapped her hands together and smiled brightly. The girl in the corner snapped one eye open, a corner of her mouth turned up, and she returned into deep meditation soon after. Zombie started clapping and she squealed; and I reached over and patted Krazy on the back while saying "congratulations", just like the guys were doing to Ghoul.
   "You've known each other for, like, a week," Kobra said, taking a swallow of his beer. Krazy shrugged.
   "You know, in times like these, you kinda have to live fast, because you could be alive one day and dead the next. There's really no time to go slow. That's all the explanation I need. Plus, I love Fun Ghoul." She smiled sheepishly, and Ghoul kissed her on the cheek.
   "Also, I'm having a bachelor party. We're going to Hobo's! Tomorrow!" Ghoul said, throwing his hands in the air. The guys all cheered, and the rest of us rolled our eyes.
********
   I flipped over on the mat I was sleeping on. It was the kind that elementary-school kids did gymnastics on in PE, and it was really uncomfortable. The fact that I was laying on my machete and its sheath might have also contributed to that, but it wasn't a big deal. Before I returned home from Battery City so long ago, I slept on dirt every night.
   I heard something move across the room. As a result of years of forced vigilance, I opened my eyes ever-so-slightly. As I scanned the room; my eyes landed on a Drac observing the sleeping Killjoys, like someone would look at steak while they were picking cuts of meat at the butcher's. My hand shot for my gun on my leg, as my machete- just like a shitty phone plan -didn't do much good when it comes to long distances.
I silently and carefully aimed the green-and-purple ray gun at the Drac's head, but I paused when I saw the eyes of the meditating girl snap open. She looked straight at the Drac, and the Drac looked straight at her. It was like some kind of staring contest, but the loser died instead of simply getting humiliated.
The girl got up from her candle-surrounded pillow, and that's when I realized she couldn't have been much older than sixteen- she was only about 4'3". Her hair was down to her calves, and it was entwined with flowers. As calm as could be, she walked up to the Drac, stood on her toes, and grabbed the pressure point on his neck. When he crumpled down to her level, 'Flower Child' snapped his neck like someone would crack a glowstick. Her facial expression didn't change. She didn't blink. And she didn't even notice me when I choked on the fly that buzzed into my gaping mouth.
She stood beside her pillow and picked up a bell. When she rang it, and the solemn noise echoed through the small hotel room, everyone immediately woke up with gasps and shouts of "what?".
"Friends," she began. Her voice was so childish, it was hard to believe she was older than ten. "I think it is time for us to leave. As soon as possible."
********
"Thanks so much for letting us crash here," Krazy laughed, running her hand through her un-gelled locks of hair, "I know you don't like people hanging out at your place. Trust issues, man, they suck ass. I don't know why this place is so... Familiar, though."
It was four in the morning, and everyone was up and moving around. Flower Child, as Krazy had introduced her, had set up shop in some room on the third floor; and was already burning incense and ringing bells. It was still hard to believe she broke that Drac's neck. Zombie, who was now reading some random comic book on the couch, said that Flower was only fourteen.
"So..." Krazy said, adjusting the strap on her tank top, "Where's the bachelorette party going to be?"
"I think the old bookstore downtown has some bean bags and stuff," I replied, rubbing my eye, "Let's see and run around a bit tomorrow. I'm tired. All the bedrooms upstairs are open, I think. 'Night."
I shuffled up the moonlit 'grand staircase' to the second floor, and up to my room. I opened the door, walked in, and literally ran into Party Poison.
"What the fuck?" I yelled, "Who gave you permission to be in here?"
"I did," he replied smugly, "I think all these pictures of me on the wall did, too." He smirked, and sat on one of my chairs like it was his. My face was red with anger and embarrassment, and I couldn't do anything but stand there in the middle of my room while Party grinned at me.
"Are you going to leave so I can sleep, or sit there and be a troll?" I asked, moving in front of my vanity to undo my pigtails.
"I think I'll stay here," he replied. I rolled my eyes as I brushed my hair. I was thankful I was already in my 'pajamas'. I wasn't in the mood for 'I think I'll stay here and watch you change', because I knew that was what he'd say.
As I untangled the last knot in my technicolor hair, I felt arms wrap around my waist. I had to suppress the urge to spin around and punch whoever it was holding me, because I knew it was Party.
"I'm really in love with you, Toxic," he whispered into the crook of my neck. I won't lie, shivers went down my spine when he said that. The fact that he was taller than me without my boots on made it considerably less awkward.
   Of course, he started kissing my neck. I could feel my heart do something weird in my chest, and I wasn't sure if I was enjoying it or hating it. I pushed Party away anyway. "Not right now. Please." I said, turning around and kissing his cheek.
   "Alright," he said, running a hand through my hair, "I'll see you in the morning."
   "Adieu, mon amour," I cooed as Party walked out the door.
   I closed the door, walked across the room, and fell into my bed. Whenever I did anything with Party, it felt like I was cheating on Max. I imagine that Party felt the same way about the woman he was with with before, but it was obvious he was mostly over it.
   At least I had a party of some sort to look forward to in the morning.

Stupid Twenty Facts Thing

1. I write stories ! Many stories ! And also poems ! please read the volume I have on my profile I worked a lot on it ty

2. I do well in school believe it or not

3. Obsessed with mythology, folklore, ghost stories, the paranormal and supernatural, and basically anything that goes bump in the night

4. I love the many works of Edgar Allan Poe and I know a lot about his life so if you want to discuss the original master of the macabre do not hesitate to hmu

5. I have two trombones and one of them is silver (nickel actually bc I am not rich) and my friend called the silver one a Black Parade trombone

6. Do I have to do twenty of these this is outrageous

7. I sort of play the bass and I got a pretty black Fender Squier with all these fancy things for $128 at a pawn shop B)

8. I like Misfits and The Offspring and Stone Sour if you do too pls speak to me

9. I am the queen of humiliating myself .

10. Only ten more to go praise the lawd.

11. I have a stuffed sloth named Mistur Sloth and he is an accurate representation of my life

12. I HAVE A RADIO SHAPED LIKE A CHEESEBURGER

13. I am obsessed with Nancy Drew PC games if you are too I will cry and hug u probably

14. 5sos actually makes me angry because they steal so much from other bands and tbh they should get sued or arrested for copyright infringement like Vanilla Ice stole that bassline from Queen and got sued

15. I have a girl cat named frankiebean and a boy cat named cheese

16. IF YOU WANT TO READ MY NOVEL PLEASE HMU.

17. I love cady altoclef52  bc she is my Best Internet Friend

18. I get frustrated and angry very easily and I take everything seriously fuck

19. GEMSTONE AESTHETIC THANK U

20. This is over :)

The next unlucky humans that are being forced into participation are:
JackSkellingtonsWife  RedDemon_Killjoy  409coffeemakers  i have no idea how many people to tag so I'm just going with five GerardWayGerardBae  gerweird