Have You Smiled Today? (A Party Poison AU)

Dead Memories in My Heart

I slowly inched myself out of my bed, careful to miss loose and creaky floorboards. I crept over to one of my room's out-of-order heating vent. I had two in my room, but they weren't good for much of anything anymore, with my house off the grid and everything. They were good for one thing, however; and that was eavesdropping. The vent on the west side of my room, from the doorway perspective, went to the basement and the one below the window on the north side went to the first floor.

Flat on the floor, I pressed my ear to the north vent. The cold breeze and eerie echo of the vacant heating ducts blew against my ear for a few seconds, and then I adjusted my hearing to tune into the conversation below. If the intruders were Dracs, I would hear things like "Where the fuck is it?" or "Open your goddamned eyes, Larry! One more until our quota's reached...".

Someone sneezed. Someone harshly whispered, "Shut up," and another whispered "Bless you.". These definitely weren't Dracs, and I let out a breath of relief.

The echo of my exhalation rang in the ducts, and the ineligible whispering from below faded to silence.

Shit, I whispered to myself. A voice from the first floor spoke loudly. "What was that?"

"I don't know, but I think it came from upstairs,"

"Well, let's check it out,"

I leapt up from the floor, walking frantically to my closet. I opened it quickly, eyes rapidly scanning the contents. Pistol, assault rifle, sword, longbow, hand grenade... A lightbulb flicked on in my mind as I saw the thing I was looking for.

Police baton, painted black with yellow lettering. I took its backstrap sheath out of the closet as well and buckled it on. I shoved the blunt object inside it and snuck out of my room, locking the door on the way out.

In my dark corridor, I hurriedly tiptoed across the hardwood and onto the moonlit second-floor landing. Grabbing the wood railing, I silently flung myself over the landing's banister and let go. I landed directly behind the four intruders, who were about to go down the flight of stairs to the basement.

"Hi, boys, nice evening, isn't it?" I said, raising my voice and rubbing my hands together to wear off pain from swinging over a banister. "Wrong staircase, by the way."

Simultaneously, the four Killjoys swiveled their heads around, startled. I knew exactly who they were.

Kobra Kid's face flushed bright red, everyone else's turned ghostly white. I expected them to run, but they froze in place. "Bust-edd," I sang, pacing back and forth in my moonlit living room and grinning evilly. How odd it must have been; to see a chick in a Misfits tank top, teal sweatpants, purple and blue hair down to her waist, and straps & holsters containing potentially lethal weapons looking like she was about to murder you. "It's alright, though," I reassured them, lying through my teeth. "There's food in the upstairs lounge, join me for a snack. Not that you have any choice not to go, anyway." I purposely turned so that the machete on my leg was clearly visible.

Faces still frozen in fear, the Fab Four slowly moved towards the stairs. "That's the way," I taunted. "Thanks for visiting, again."

I smirked as Fun Ghoul broke out in a cold sweat.

In the upstairs hallway, eight boots clunked sorrowfully against tarnished hardwood, like prisoners walking down the green mile on their way to the executioner. I led them into a room on the left side of the hallway; the upstairs foyer.

When all of the Killjoys were seated and the door was locked, fear turned into fury; in Fun Ghoul's case, anyway. Everyone else looked like they were gonna cry and scream for their mommy and blankie.