The Girl I Knew

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about experience because people are unable to relate to it.

* * *

A rock song was playing in the background. But nobody can hear the sound. Only me. As I lost again in my own world built by my own insecurities and strengthened by my hatred against everyone who do not understand.

But there's none much to comprehend anyway because all I did were to complicate things so I would lead people the wrong idea about this and that.

I hated the fact that I have to explain my actions and feelings to everyone who hadn't known much about me. I wanted it to be simple enough so they could really put themselves into it but it seemed like they wanted to solve me as a puzzle, which I hated the idea very much.

With my parents, things were quite easy. I was able to show the real me even people were there to judge my actions.

With Dee, I was hard as a rock yet we don't have to say a thing on what's happening on our lives. Our silence spoke thousands of promises between us.

But I prefer silence than a kind of conversation where one talks and the other listens just to make a response out of it.

The occurrence of the other night's events was crowding my mind and I have to let it out. I decided I would tell Dee about it so my mind could rest in peace.

I dialled Dee's phone but it went straight to her voicemail. The other option was my mother. I rang her phone and she picked it up immediately.

"Hello, my beloved daughter. I thought you'd never call." That teasing voice that immediately turned my scowl into grin.

"Sorry about that. I was busy."

"I know, so how are you?", she asked.

"I'm fine mother dear. How are my siblings doing?" I asked with a smile on my own.

Gail, my sister, was obviously a wife now whose wedding I didn't attend due to my classes and exams that week. I did call them saying I was sorry that I could not attend the wedding. I also sent money as a gift to her and as a compensation for my absentia though it would never replaced the joy it would bring if I actually really made it. Even I was sad that I couldn't but I would see to it that next time I would really be there.

On the other hand, my youngest sibling John, was the hardest to tame according to my mother. He was always out and would come back at night hungry. Mom would tell him to tone down a bit yet he wouldn't listen. Sometimes he would skip school and mom would ground him but he never learned. John grew up like a brat though he knew our own life status. He would complain about things, why we were like that to the point of being so exasperating. John was really a trouble maker.

"I don't know what to say mother." I said a while after she finished telling me about them.

"Yeah. I can manage I think. Oh dear, I have to hung up now. I'm in need in the kitchen. Call you soon."

* * *

The next day I found it so hard to leave my bed. My head's throbbing. I was also feverish. I didn't remember anything that caused me this misery. I guess I should rest and forget about school. I drew my curtains down and went downstairs to get hot water.

Marina noticed me. " Gianna, have you eaten?"

"No, I feel like I want to vomit if I did so. I'll just have soup or drink milk."

Then, I went to my room immediately and readied myself to sleep again. But I couldn't. I kept on turning. Throwing my pillows away because they couldn't ease my aching head. I ripped off my clothes too. I couldn't understand why the minute I feel so hot and the next so cold.

I called my mother again and told her I was sick.

"Did you drink medicine already?"

"Yes, mom."

"You rest, but eat so you'll have energy and recover immediately."

"The food tastes useless mom." I complained.

"It's because you're sick. Anyway, go rest and call me once you're ok. Be careful ok?"

"Yes, mom."

The phone went dead then I found myself drifting to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night screaming my heart out. I felt so restless and so weak. I suddenly missed my parents especially my mother. I missed her caress and soft whispers. I missed how she insist that I should eat, just a little so I could drink medicine, too. I also missed those face towels soaked with cold water and she would used them to wipe my skin and the other on my forehead. Every time I shiver, she would check my forehead and my neck if my temperature had gone down.

Hot tears were streaming down my face and I clutched my pillow tighter, looking for comfort from it. It was my choice why I was suffering from this. If I only listened and ate my dinner, it wouldn't have gone into to this. I wouldn't have been suffering from a high fever with a throbbing head and hallucination. Life sucks!

I tried to sleep once again but I couldn't. Each time I close my eyes, a very strange darkness engulfed me. It's different from just closing your eyes and you see nothing, just the typical darkness. This one felt like I was in another dimension or just may hallucination again.

* * *

I missed my classes for two straight days. I should ensure a medical certificate so I would be excused. I usually do not skip school but since this was a different kind of sickness I did for the first time.

Since I was a kid I always fight with mom that I should go to school even with fever. She didn't like it but there's nothing that could change my mind. I wanted to go to school and learn something. If I wanted to do something, there's nothing holding me back. Not even my mom.

I grabbed my phone under my pillow. It's been two days since I touched my phone. I had a lot of messages since Tuesday morning. Ten messages from Dee asking my whereabouts or if I was okay. Two from Kieve. One each from Steph and Joan. Twenty messages and ten missed calls from Timothy. And a scolding text from mom for not eating properly.

Strange. I never knew certain people would missed me. It's not that I didn't care but it's unusual for my friends to be plowing up my phone. But I didn't reply to any of their messages. It was rude  but I didn't know how to deal with those kind of things.

I've gone back to sleep again with a smile on my face and my playlist on the background. I could sense that I would be feeling well the next day I wake up.