The Difference Between Spring and Winter

The Talk

At first, it was a normal October morning, I didn't think anything of the doctor's appointment that Noah told me he had. I had just assumed it was a physical since that is just a thing in life we have to go to. What I didn't know at that point was that he knew what might be possibly going on Apparently, he hadn't been feeling too well lately, but he was trying to hide it from me so I didn't get worried. I also didn't know at that point that he had a history of cancer in his family.

So yeah, this wasn't just a physical. He had gone in for CT just to be safe because of his family history. But I guess in this case being safe was just finding out earlier. Noah had cancer.

Before he even told me I knew something was up. He got my mom to call me out of school early. When we got to his house Noah was standing outside. He had clearly been waiting when I said I was almost there, He looked really upset. I went over to him and he gave me one of the tightest hugs ever. I could feel him start to cry, slowly at first but it kind of got to full-on sobbing. I tried to soothe him and got him to go inside.

Once I helped Noah settle down we sat on the couch and I just kind of waited to see what was going to happen. Noah's mom clearly already told my mom what was happening because when we got inside my mom gave his mom a long hug. They had gotten to know each other a good amount but not good enough for a hug like that. That was clearly one of those hugs you give when you feel sorry for a person or for something they are going through. Seeing this made me even more anxious about what was going on.

I was trying to find something to fidget with and settled with the string on Noah's hoodie because it was all I could find. I think he could tell that I was getting anxious because he started to hold my hand and kind of do that soothing thing people do when they rub the backside of it.

My mom and Noah's sat down on the couch opposite Noah and me. His mom was looking at Noah with a look of whos going to tell her. I think Noah had shaken his head or something similar because his mom uttered under her breath a bit too loud "I guess I have to e the one to say it". His mom started to say something like we had been noticing signs for a little while now, but didn't want to say anything and worry you. At that, I could feel myself start to tear up. She hadn't even said what was happening yet but I knew something bad was coming. I don't fully remember what she had said. It was all kind of a stressful blur, but the point is Noah had cancer.

She had been saying something about not worrying too much because we didn't know too many details yet. But I don't remember because at that point I had started to space out. So many horrible thoughts were running through my head. Should I have noticed the signs of this by now? How bad was his cancer and what was it affecting? And probably one of the worst questions that just wouldn't go away, How long did I have left?

At that point I didn't just have tears welling in my eyes, I was crying. Not like full-on sobbing but to the point that Noah had noticed. He started to comfort me and I just sat there in his arms. I couldn't move, I didn't want to move. I remember thinking at that moment I needed to spend more time with him because I would never know when time spent with him would be the last time I ever spent with him.