TRVNSPVRENT

Simply calling out sins dont bring you closer to god

"Morning Lynn" Alan chimed from outside my door. Alan works at the centre. He's my closest friend here, he helps me more than all the therapy and drugs. When I first came, I wouldn't eat the food here so he snuck in food from outside for me. Last year he bought me a guitar for my birthday and taught me how to play it. I don't know how I'd survive in here without him. My friends are great, but they can't help me.

"What's up?" I asked. He pulled a frozen yogourt from his bag. "Will you please eat this for me?" He pleaded giving me puppy dog eyes. "i'm not hungry" I protested
"Pleeeeeeaaaasseeeee"
"Nope"
He walked over and sat on my lap taking a spoonful and eating it. "Fine then don't eat it, I like frozen yogourt" he said sassily. The thought of eating still made my stomach turn. "but just so you know" he nagged "I drove an extra five minutes to menchies just to get this for you, and I got extra toppings for you with money I could've bought cat food with but noooo I bought you this being thoughtful" i hate it when he guilts me into things " I was even going to give you my old iPod if you ate I-" "a what?!" I cheered grabbing the frozen yogourt and eating some. "Works every time" he smiled successfully pulling out an iPod. "It already has around 400 songs on it, I know you'll like most of them. I convinced the centre to let you have it as long as I locked the wifi and have you wireless headphones" "thank you thank you thank you I love you Alan Anthony Ashby" I hugged him.

"In other news there's two new patients coming in tomorrow" he smiled. "And I care?" I groaned. Another pair of poor unfortunate souls being shipped off because people don't want to deal with them. "They're around your age" he wiggled his eyebrows. "And" I consisted. "You should make some that you actually like, or Maybe more" he winked. "Not gonna happen" I said putting in an earphone and grabbing my guitar playing along to a song Alan taught me. "They'll be here at 9:00 and they're in the two empty rooms across the hall" he said before walking out.

Maybe I'll talk to one of them, but maybe not. I don't really like meeting new people because of my extreme social anxiety. I'll think about it tomorrow.

Until lunch I sat on my window ledge listening to songs I didn't really know, but Alan was right, I did like most of them. Then after lunch I had depression therapy.

I've always hated group therapy. It feels like everyone's judging you even though they're mostly all the same as you.

In depression therapy it was mostly all the same people and the same routine. Everyone sits in a circle and talks about why they're here, the shrinks think that talking about problems helps get rid of them. It really doesn't it kind of makes them worse. "Lyndsey, would you like to share any feelings" the shrink asked. "I can't share what I don't have" I replied. "None? Do you have anything to share about your life? Or about the centre?" She asked calmly. "What am I supposed to say? I love it here? The people are great? What do I say to get out?" I flipped "I hate it here. its a fucking insane asylum. No one here is helping me in any way, we're all just here because we can't take care of ourselves, or people don't want to deal with freaks like us. Fuck, I would rather hang myself than be here". Most of the patients nodded their heads in agreement. "Ms.turner there is no swearing here" she scolded "would you pleased out to the hallway until the class is over" I loudly pushed back my chair while standing up and walked out of the room. "See Ya later assholes"

After a few minutes, a boy in my session named Alex came out to join me, "what a bitch" he muttered sitting by me on the wall. "Hey" I said emotionlessly still staring at the wall across from me "you new here?"
"Yeah" he replied. "Welcome to the family, your gonna be here for a while"

A while later the class let out and me and Alex went to join Vic and Tyler for music therapy. This was one of my favourite sessions. We fooled around with instruments and wrote songs. It was the best. Part of this hellhole.

We walked into the the room and I grabbed an electric guitar and started strumming random chords. "I wrote a new song" Vic quietly said. I love it when he does this. He's amazing. I pulled out my iPod to record it so I could listen to him later. "And Could you maybe sing part of the bridge?" he asked. I nodded excitedly and he told me to make it up as I went.

"Okay we're ready. It's called hold on till may" he whispered before starting.

"She sits up high surrounded by the sun, one million branches and she loves every one. Mom and dad, did you search for me? I've been up here so long I'm going crazy..." He sang. This kid was crazy talented.

I started to get a bit nervous before my part as he sang the bridge. "If I where you I'd put that away, see your just wasted and thinkin bout the past again, darling you'll be okay" he finished and looked over to me as I started "if you where me you'd do the same. Cause I can't take any more, I'll draw the shades and close the door. Everything's not alright, and I would rather..." it railed off at the end almost in tears. The song ended and I looked around to see the class cheering and Alan standing in the doorway clapping. I smiled, I love the feeling of performing. When I get out of here I definitely want to be in a band.

For the rest of the session we played around with different bits and pieces and put together some more songs. Then it was supper- they served pizza- but I didn't eat it despite Alan's persuasions.

After supper I went back to my room and got ready for bed while listening to me and Vic's performance from earlier. Then Alan came by to say goodnight like he always does.

I wish he wasn't a worker here so we could spend more time together.

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If you like it don't forget to vote and recommend it to other readers and I know Lynn has a girlfriend, but in this story she likes guys.
-xx kat

Song: Holy ~ PVRIS