TRVNSPVRENT

Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind

* another warning, this chapter contains murder self harm and talk of suicide, if you're not comfortable with this. don't read it*

Alan Ashby

That night when I got home from work I skipped supper and went straight to my bedroom. I didn't see the point in going out with my friends, the went to a club but I didn't see the point. I was almost afraid of what I would do if I got drunk in public. I don't see much of a point to anything anymore. My mind started spiralling down this path of darkness, I don't know when it ends but I know it won't be an easy ending. I pulled off my shirt and looked in the mirror. Gashes and cuts lined my sides and inner arms, mixed with ink and dried blood. It was a beautiful mess. Each scar reminding me of when I made it and every reason why I did.

Then the voices came back. Telling me what to do and how worthless I really was. "you're a nothing Alan, even Lynn thinks you're too far gone to try to fix" "theres a knife in the kitchen and your throats right there, finish your mess" "the only think to fix this is a bullet Alan" "kill yourself, you know you want to" they said. "STOP" I screamed. The voices got louder and louder. I pulled on my jacket, put the knife in my pocket and ran out the door. there's a tree fort in the woods on the back of my building, I go there when the voices come and I scream and scratch the walls and break everything until they stop.

As I walked down the sidewalk, waging the war inside my head, a lady approached me. My grip tightened around the handle of the knife. "It's either her or you Alan" the voice boomed "who's it gonna be?"

"Are you okay?" She asked " you're crying". I turned to her "leave while you can lady". "But I want to help" she protested stubbornly. I pulled her into the alley and grabbed her by the neck lifting her into the air. "St-stop" she choked out. I smiled darkly "you should've left me, Did you realize just how sick my mind is?" Her face started turning blue and I grabbed the knife tightly plunging it deep into her stomach and dropping her now lifeless body to the ground. I fell back against the wall my hands covered in blood and dragged the knife across my wrists leaving thin trails of blood over the old scars.

I looked up and dropped the knife. As my senses came back I realized what I had done. My heart rate floored and my breathing quickened. I jumped to my feet getting ready to run when I heard voices and flashing lights surrounded me. "Hands in the air" a harsh voice yelled. I couldn't see the source through my blurring vision.i felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck and felt my body dropping to the ground.

After some amount of time I woke up in a cell, my hands and feet cuffed together and no recollection of what happened. A door clicked open to the left of where I was seated. "Mr. Ashby, you have been deemed mentally insane, you will be admitted to the waterfront mental hospital" a woman in a police uniform informed me before grabbing my still chained hands and pushing me out into a police car. I struggled and yelled as much as I could trying to get an answer of why I was here.

The rain poured down reflecting the red and blue lights, somewhat illuminating the night. After getting no reply, I willingly sat into the back of the car. the rain made my black shirt cling to my body, making me slightly uncomfortable.

I sat for about ten minutes before being led into the asylum. I hung my head and walked in, my former co-workers looking at me in shock. "Alan?" I heard a girl whisper. I looked up through the orange hair that clung to my face. Lynn stood to the side of my with tears in her eyes before turning to burry her face into Josh's chest. "I'm sorry" I whispered as Josh wrapped his arms around her resting his chin in her head.

I was lead upstairs to the room I used to stay in sometimes when I worked here. "I'll assume you know the rules" Bryan said. I nodded pulling off my shirt and putting on a dry black long sleeved shirt. "What did you do?" He sighed lookin at me with sad eyes before leaving. "I don't know" I solemnly replied as he shut the door.

Lynn Gunn

I sat on Tyler's bed watching him and Josh calling each other stupid names. "Dog breath" Tyler said with a serious face. "Baby face" Josh shot back "at least I don't look like the male strawberry shortcake" Tyler yelled hinting to josh's faded hair, before the two cracked up laughing. "Nice teeth" Josh sassed before Tyler's face turned sarcastic "alright your out of the band". They cracked up laughing.

Over the past week the the two boys got to know each other better and found that they had a lot in common. So they started a band and I have to say they're really good. They have concerts in the music therapy class all the time.

Josh had to go to his anger management session so me and Tyler where left to amuse ourselves.

"Ugh, my hair is way to long" I complained. My hair was now past my waist since I haven't cut it dice I got here. "You know I 'borrowed' some scissors from the art room yesterday, I could cut it for you" he offered putting air quotes around borrowed. A wide smile spread across my face.

He grabbed the scissors and a comb "we can't do it here though, we'll get caught" he stopped me. "Right" the light whet off in my head, "I know exactly where to go. want to see something cool?" He nodded quickly and we carefully went into the hallway making sure not to be seen.

There's a room just up from mine where they used to execute the patients that couldn't be saved. I was on that list, but they stopped doing it before they got to me. The room is still there but they took everything out and put new wallpaper over the secret door. Until I found it and broke through the new paper. I go there when I need to get away from it all, it's me and Alan's smoking spot, because I'm not allowed to do drugs anymore but it helps me, so he brings me some of his stash and no one finds out because they don't know the room exists anymore.

I feel around the wall for the edge of the door, looking for the newer patch of wallpaper. When I found the edge I looked over my shoulder making sure that there was nobody there. I pushed in on the corner opening the door and leading Tyler in behind me.

I sat on the floor waiting for him to come cut my hair. "what kind of cut do you want?" He asked, sounding like a hairdresser "surprise me" I replied hoping he knew what he was doing. he worked for twenty minutes cutting close to my scalp in some areas and touching up my overgrown eyebrows. "aaaaand done" he cheered stepping back to admire his work. He sat on the floor in front of me with small silver handheld mirror. My hair was now a bit above my belly button and all pushed to one side with two strips shaved into the other side, and on my right eyebrow he had two places towards the outer end cut out. I loved it. I had always wanted my eyebrow pierced, I told him that earlier, but since I was here I couldn't get it done. This was the next best thing. To say the least, it looked pretty badass.

"You look gorgeous" Tyler gushed, sitting in front of me on the floor. "Thank you" I spoke softly. I was almost happy for a moment there "I don't think you understand how much you've done for me in the past week Tyler Joseph" He smiled.

We sat there for a second in silence, his eyes flickered down to my lips and he started to lean in. The feeling of his soft lips against mine was inexplicable. It wasn't like in the movies where there's fireworks, this was just a small spark at first but that spark ignited a fire. He pulled away and we leaned out foreheads together.

He opened his mouth to say something when we where cut off by yelling from downstairs. We exited the room leaving the scissors there for next time and rushing to the lobby.

It appeared that we had a surprise new patient. We stood by Josh and watched the guards bring him in. His black clothes and orange hair where soaked with rain and stick to his slim body, and dried blood underlined his fingernails. His head was down and it wasn't until he entered the light of the building that I got a good look at him, he looked too familiar. I stepped forward to see him better and when I did I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Alan?" I choked out. He looked up sadly to see me and a tear escaped his eye. "I'm sorry" he mouthed as I fell into Josh's arms. Alan was lead upstairs and the call for lights out came over the speakers.

As I headed back upstairs I had so many questions, what was wrong with Alan?What was he doing here? He was fine,

wasn't he?

Song: Migraine ~twenty one pilots