Agita

Chapter 1

Quackity let himself relax under the touch of the cold water, it burned but he didn't mind, it wasn't like he hadn't felt worse; his hair stayed dry as he slowly allowed himself to submerge his lower body into the freezing sensation, a soft whimper leaving his mouth as the water found it's way to his abdomen

He for once in a long long time, forgot about his past abuse and all his voices on the background of his head wailing for him to pay attention to the hurtful thing they were saying; instead, a picture of sapnap and Karl found a way to sneak into his mind

The image showed as Karl back hugged the Mexican boy and sapnap planted sloppy kisses on his neck, leaving light pinkish marks, slowly reaching to his lips, sliding his tongue inside Quackitys mouth making him moan loudly; Karl's dainty hands made their way to quackity's chest tracing random figures as One of the pyro's hand tugged roughly on Alex's hair

Quickly, quackity opened his eyes, trying to erase that image from his brain, guilt washing over his features as he forcefully digs his sharp pointy nails on his thighs

' why would you even think about that? why did you think it? why did you like it? '

But then again it didn't seem so wrong, it didn't feel so bad, he couldn't lie to himself, he did like the image, he liked the way sapnap's kiss made him feel, the way Karl's cold hands touched his chest; but the guilt, the thought of Karl and Sapnap being boyfriends, the thought of him stepping in their relationship and ruining it for them, he couldn't do that to them, not now, not when they saved him from Jschlatt hands, not when they gave him shelter and food

His hands started shaking as he was no longer in control of his thoughts and the images of him and his best friends doing romantic things flashed through his mind, he couldn't stop them, he couldn't erase them, so he drowned himself in the freezing water

Black hair dancing at the peace of the water, his eyes shut sharply, little bubbles of air reaching the edge of the bathtub

You can't do that to them

You can't think like that

You are such a slut thinking about them at the same time

It's embarrassing for us to see you being so greedy

Not only do you want Sapnap but also Karl?

Is disgusting, and guess what Alex, they would think the same

They don't love you like they love each other

They are way out of your league

You just got saved and you pull this

It took them so long to get you to leave Jschlatt

But who are you kidding, you didn't was to be saved

Cause deep down you knew

You always liked them

You knew if you spend more time with them

You would fall for them

You were supposed to be happy...

It's so sad you don't know-how

He sat up rapidly making the water splash over the edge wetting the floor; he took deep breaths, trying to recover from being underwater for at least two minutes, finally, the voices died down

" fucking hell okay, didn't know I was that messed up " he grumbled softly throwing a towel around his waist, leaving the bathroom

Nervously he made his path to the kitchen, wanting something to eat,
but of course, it wouldn't be that easy, on the way there he found both of his best friends making out at the counter

He tried not to linger his eyes too much on the picture before his eyes, struggling to keep his mind in another place he tripped over a box, getting the attention of the couple

First was Karl who looked rather embarrassed and concerned about his friend. He munched on his lower lip having difficulty looking away from Alex's toned body that was still painted with water droplets

On the other hand, Sapnap didn't even try to hide the fact that he was indeed checking him out, he couldn't help but stare at the boy -not so covered- thighs, wondering what would it feel to be between them, his dirty thoughts racing over his mind.

" Are you okay Quackity? " the oldest one asked weakly

Alex's face turned beet red, choking on his own words

" I- I'm fi-fine, just... J-just a little bit hungry, b-but don't worry I will leave you alone " his voice sounded hoarse, as he shakily grabbed one apple and a banana from the table, turning around to race to his bedroom

Once again they were left alone, both of them with similar thoughts about their best friend, ones more sexual than others

Karl stared at the spot where Alex was standing seconds ago, slightly excited by how much their presence could make him nervous. With one of his hands he grabbed sapnap's chin, to his surprise his partner seemed to be doing the same

" he was so nervous " Karl mumbled to his boyfriend, looking directly at his eyes

Nick slowly nodded, his cheeks were now dusted with pink. His mind recreating the same scenario over and over again, he could even hear the moans in his head

" yeah... he looked hot " agreed sapnap earning a soft gasp from his partner " you don't fool me, Karl, you were thinking about him too, we've been thinking bout him since he stepped in this house, I'm not mad about it, I think about him too, but my thoughts are a lot dirtier than yours " now was Karl's time to be blushing

___

Alex locked himself in his small bedroom, dropping the towel on the floor, getting dressed in his pajamas, he let himself burn, it was hurting him, that weird feeling bubbling on the pit of his stomach, the anxiety rushing slowly from the tip of his toes to his head

' breath, the breath you need to breath '

He stumbled to his meds cabinet, opening the clonazepam orange bottle and throwing two pills on his mouth

' calm down you need to calm down '

Swallowing dry he sat close to the window, looking outside trying to find a distraction

' count the stars '

' see how many different shades of blue you can find '

' what are the sounds you can hear '

Lazily he started counting, the stars looked so beautiful tonight, the different shades of blue mixed so well together it almost seemed like it was one shade all along, even the sound of the ocean seemed like a lullaby to him

' sing the song '

You are too old to sing that stupid song

What a weirdo

" soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr "
He sang quietly

His breath had slowed down, and the sensation of burning was washed by a cold breeze, the pills seemed to kick in making him sleepy

Without even noticing he fell asleep on the floor, resting his head on the wall. He looked calm, peaceful almost, his eyebrows were no longer furrowed like they usually did, and his hands were open, no bloodied nails or cut palms

God he loved those pills