Manimal Crackers

I Guess We Humans Are Animals?

At school, we were reading this old book called Frankenstein. Because the teacher was apathetic and lazy, we read a comic book version, which happened to be a huge hit with the kids. I honestly wish we read the real thing so I'd get challenged, but hey, what can you do?

Lazy as she may have been, the teacher also provided some neat "back matter" about the book -- material on the dynamics of monsters in popular culture, from the Cybermen in Doctor Who to Dracula in (what else?) Dracula. I didn't even care that Halloween was technically last month and she was a little late- Halloween season always creeps in November anyway. Not to mention I've always been fascinated by the macabre. Something about inner darkness always seemed to appeal to me, people using art to confront their inner demons like that.

But what really struck my attention was a paragraph about the link between monsters and human nature: "Some of the scariest monsters happen to be those who resemble human beings. The benevolent Dr. Jekyll takes a potion to transform into the malicious Mr. Hyde, or when it's a full moon nice Professor Lupin (from Harry Potter) transforms into a ferocious werewolf, and Dr. Bruce Banner turns into the ravaging Hulk when he gets angry. The connection between humans and monsters presents a rather profound question: could there be monsters lurking inside each and every one of us?"

That really made me think. As someone who's no stranger to her own darkness, I've always been fascinated by stories and movies featuring characters with a "hidden dark side." Maybe Prof. Chase was secretly a monster like Dr. Jekyll and his animal side was just a reflection of Mr. Hyde. Of course, he used his bestial powers for good, unlike Dr. Jekyll whose bestial instincts destroyed him in the end.

It probably has something to do with my own inner demons. I got transferred around to three different schools in the eighth grade. I hit one of my seventh grade teachers. Even as a child, my teachers wrote in their IEPs that I had "behavioral challenges" and that I needed "a bit of extra care and attention when it came to being left alone." Now that I'm in high school, things are getting really hard. Girls can be super-cruel-- God help you if you're weird like I am.

Speaking of which, today was the final day of school for Wendy. A little context on Wendy. Wendy always needed the goddamn spotlight, and I mean a 24/7 spotlight. And she always had to look perfect while doing so. Of course, the teachers were too apathetic to do anything.

But enough negativity. Later that day, I saw Mike, one of the most amazing teachers at my school. He's smart, supportive, a fan of all the great rock stars and superheroes, and (if I do say so myself) a massive cutie. I would often show him the things I had written in school, and while I could get kinda obsessive about it, he was totally cool with it. It's not like I had anything better to do at home, anyways.

"Hey Mike! What's up?," I said, excited to finally see him.

"Hey, Jessica, how're you doing? What're you learning in school?"

"Well, in Language Arts we're reading Frankenstein, so my teacher decided to teach us about monsters in history and pop culture. Creatures delved through the darkest corners of our minds can have a great impact on stories, which in turn can have great impact on people."

"Woah, that is an amazing insight, Jessica!"

"Yeah! I'm really interested in this old show called Manimal. Basically, it's about this guy who can, you guessed it, transform into different animals." Because Mike is a Gen-Xer, I figured that he would have some interest in the show, if not quite remember it.

"Oh, really? That's cool, I'd like to check it out!"

"Yeah. I'm working on a film adaptation, and figured that if anyone could direct the film, it would be Tim Burton. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"It would. Tim Burton is great at making things transform!"

I couldn't help but smile at him as I discussed my ideas, staring down at my socks-and-sandals ensemble (Don't laugh, I used it to simulate wearing boots.)

I really liked Mike. Unlike the other teachers who were too lazy to really help me with anything -- let alone, you know, learning -- Mike really understood me. He didn't see me as annoying, immature, or just another kid to take care of. He saw me, and I mean, really saw me for the smart, funny, creative girl I was. Unfortunately, I could get kind of obsessed with him. I had a huge crush on him, and this often manifested itself by speaking in a cutesy little voice around him, which frankly weirded him out. It got so bad that he eventually called my mom (not that he had anything better to do anyway) and told her what was going on. Eventually, my parents had to stage an intervention.

"Janet, I know you really like Mike. So do I. However, you need to realize that he's your teacher, and you have to treat him as such. Please don't be too affectionate around him."

"So next time you see Mike, tell him, "Hey, Mike, how about those Mets?" Oh, Dad!

Going to my computer, I tried typing up some material into the script. I realized that, if I wanted to get this thing off the ground anytime soon, I'd have to have the right connections. I did some Googling Online for a Manimal film adaptation, and lo and behold, I saw a little something from some director who was doing a film in NY later that year. So I decided to call him concerning my amazing idea.

Of course, the closest thing I found was his agent. The internet is funny like that when giving out phone numbers.

"Hello?"

"Hey, my name is Jessica Rothenberg, and-" I was about to continue when I was immediately cut off by a guy rushing to get the phone.

"Y-ello!" said the guy.

"Who are you?" I asked sheepishly.

"You don't know who I am?" asked the guy.

"Well, to be honest, not really," I continued. "If it wasn't for that film you were working on, I wouldn't even know who you were, frankly."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, you know how you're working on a film adaptation of Manimal?" I said. "Well, I actually have a pretty neat idea."

"I see," he said in a slightly-bored tone of voice.

"You know, this story about the Manimal actually has a TON of potential," I continued. "He's this seemingly totally normal guy, fighting back against his animalistic nature, a man of two worlds, trying to fight back the darkness in his soul, his feral spirit fighting against his civilized spirit-"

"Yeah, Rule #1 of film adaptations is this: Don't be better than me. And I suck! Rule #2, if you're calling me, please state "why." I can't be bothered with stalkers all the goddamn time."

"Well, I'm actually working on a little something myself," I continued. 

"Basically, it'll be a somewhat looser adaptation where he can't control his powers, a bit like the Incredible Hulk, and the bad guy is trying to kidnap him for experimentation. What do you think?"

"Wait- that's your idea for the movie?" he asked me.

"What, you don't like it?"

"Tell you what, I'll send you a link to watch the recent adaptation of Fantastic Four. Watch it, then tell me if you think making an "edgy" adaptation of a goofy series is a good idea."

"Um....okay, sorry then," I said.

"I also don't take unsolicited ideas," he pointed out.

"Okay, but-" I was about to say. But it was too late. He had already hung up. Darn.