Manimal Crackers

Here Comes Jessy Boo Boo

Isabella then reluctantly took yours truly into the city, and we got on the subway.

"Don't worry, Isabella, it's always like this in the city," I tried to reassure her.

"Jess, the trains aren't like this in England," she snarked back. (It's really fun to think of The Queen hanging from a strap in the subway.) I could see that Isabella was trying to keep it together, but had a huge scowl on her face. While I was pretty excited about the whole thing, I was also feeling kind of guilty for putting her through all this. After all, she was my friend, and I didn't want to make her do anything she didn't want to do.

The audition was being held at The Plaza. You know, the place where Eloise lives. A rather weird place to hold an audition, but hey. "Yeah, I know," Isabella said. "That little brat who lives at the hotel. I vaguely remember as a kid."

We went to a huge auditorium in back where a young woman in a sparkling dress was talking about her childhood experiences in the entertainment industry.

"Hello everyone, and welcome to today's audition! I'm sure you're all here with your parents, your friends, your grandparents, your foster parents, anyone who's here to support you really," she said, all too perkily. "Now, you are probably thinking that the road from here to stardom is a straight line; it's not, it's a zig-zag line. Believe me, I've been there!"

"Oh shit," said Isabella. "Just another dumb lecture."
"Don't be fooled by my glamorous appearance, I was a total tomboy growing up," the young woman continued. "I never owned a dress, I don't wear makeup, I never played with a Barbie doll. Growning up Asian also made me feel rather insecure about myself, as I didn't fit the mold of a blonde, blue-eyed, light-skinned yet tanned American girl. You know how in Georgia the state fruit is represented by a Georgia Peach? Well, I wanted to be a Georgia Peach like the other girls were. My dad had to take me over and remind me that I wasn't a Georgia Peach, I was a Japanese Pear. 'It's a pear on the outside, and an apple on the inside- there's absolutely nothing like it.' And there's nothing quite like you!"

"You know, she actually has some good ideas here," said Isabella. "You should probably listen to her, Jess."
Finally the "Japanese Pear" said, "You have each been given a special script to look at. Depending on your age group, you'll be asked to pretend to advertise for something. If you're sixteen, for example, you'll be asked to advertise a clothing brand."

I was called to audition by a perky blonde girl in the back. "Now, Jess, you'll look in the camera when you give your speech. You can look at the script if you'd like, but we'd prefer you don't."
"Okay, sounds good to me."

"And 3....2...1...Go!" she said, adjusting the camera. I read the script....

WEARING BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. AND,

GETTING THEM AT AN AFFORDABLE PRICE MAKES YOU FEEL EVEN BETTER.

TRY THE NEW WALMART THAT'S RIGHT I SAID WALMART...ONLY NOW IT'S BETTER THAN EVER. THEY HAVE THE QUALITY YOU NEED AT THE PRICE YOU WANT!

Afterwards Isabella took me to the Starbucks across the block ("Promise not to drink out of any garbage cans?") and we talked about movie ideas. "So, what made you want to make a movie about Dad's old show?" she asked. "I mean, why would you care?"

"Well, ever since I was a tween, I've been fascinated by the dynamics with the whole man/animal thing, you know?" I said. "It probably helps that I'm old enough to remember when Twilight was a big thing."

"Oh, that," snarked Isabella. "Please don't remind me."

"And every Thursday night, I hang out with a bunch of guys every evening to watch its episodes. Well, I used to, but now we're watching different shows."