Manimal Crackers

My Ben Addiction

Now, Simon MacCorkindale wasn't the only British stud I had a huge crush on. My father teaches British history, and according to some guy named Freud, girls like guys who remind them of their fathers. (They also hate their mothers, but that's another story.) It was around this time that I started a deep obsession with Benedict Cumberbatch. Like, if you asked me if I thought he was hot, I would say, "Yeah, but his face looks like plastic." But one day, I decided to Google "Benedict Cumberbatch Manimal." I mean, they're both British, and according to Mom, he looks like a horse, so that kind of works, right?

And lo and behold, I came across an interview of his from Comic-Con several years ago. The interviewer asked him what kind of television he watched as a little boy, and he said things like "The A-Team," "Airwolf," "Gentle Ben," and *drumroll please* MANIMAL!

Yes, seriously. You wouldn't BELIEVE my shocked yet pleasured reaction. Okay, that's it, he's officially the coolest actor who's ever lived, I thought to myself, reading the article with feelings of joy washing across me.

You know that feeling of euphoria when your brain's reward system kicks into overdrive and you can't help but feel on top of the world? That's exactly how I felt. The world's most famous, popular British actor was a "Fanimal!" And he told it for the world to hear! He wasn't even embarrassed about it!

I couldn't help but play scenes in my head of him as a little boy growing up in England, eagerly anticipating to see Simon transform into some sort of animal on Tuesday evening.

It was at that point I figured if and when I got my movie off the ground, he would play Manimal himself. No ifs and or buts about it, period. He's British, watched the show as a little boy, and since he's a sexy beast (no pun intended) women would come in droves to witness him tearing off his clothes. Really, what more needed to be said here?

Unfortunately, Ben had no social media pages for me to contact, what with being super-busy with his film work and all. (Rule of thumb: the only celebrities who have their own social media pages are child/teen stars and B/D-list actors.)

There was, however, a company I could contact. Believe me, the internet gives THOUSANDS of pages for companies that represent celebrities. Some even make you pay money for them.

As it turns out, he had an outfit called "Conway Van Gelder Grant," which is like his studio company or something. Cool, maybe they'll be interested, I thought to myself, so I wrote them an email.

Sleeping at night, I couldn't help but harken back to my early writing dreams. Ever since I was a little girl, I was mesmerized by the world of film. The art of creating a story was absolutely amazing. Of course, film was only one medium out of many. Whatever movie, cartoon series, video game, or book I got interested in, I wanted to be part of, and believe me, I could really get immersed in them. There's even an old tape of me from the Y2K era where I talk about wanting to join the world of Madeline, becoming the thirteenth girl in her inner circle. Hey, it runs in the family- as a girl, my grandma wrote Little Women fanfiction where she lived with the March sisters. So, it's only natural that I wanted to write for the world of Manimal.

When I woke up that morning, I went to my computer & checked social media. Unfortunately, I got really anxious and depressed when I saw Katherine Langford, who's my age, in yet another film role. Here she is,cool and successful, and here I am, stuck in New Jersey. Upset, I decided to go out for lunch with Simon at the local sandwich shop.

"What's wrong, Miss Rothenberg?" asked Simon. "Why the long face?"

"I'm jealous of the pretty girls on television. I mean, Katherine Langford gets to do all these cool things, and I can barely even survive high school!"

"Now, now, dear, don't be so hard on yourself," he said. "There's no rush to become famous. When I was nineteen years old, I was rejected for the role of Alex DeLarge in Clockwork Orange. I still remember that fateful day. I dressed up as the young droog, right down to the black garrish he had on his eye. How, I wanted that role!"

"Okay, so what happened?" I asked.

"Well, I walked up to Mr. Kubrick's office. Not only did he not give me the role, he didn't even let me audition."

"Why not?" I asked, intrigued.

"He thought I was too young. While I was technically a consenting adult, he felt that I was too young to be on the set."

"Okay," I said, trying my very hardest to listen to his little spiel.

"You should've seen him when I approached him. He was all 'You can't be here, you look fourteen years old. I can't have you in the film, I'll get arrested!' I tried my very hardest to reassure him that I was indeed old enough, but he was having none of it. Eventually, he got annoyed at yours truly, and booted me from his set without even saying 'Good-bye.'"

"Really?" I asked.

"You better believe it. I was actually jipped for a lot of roles in my career. For example, James Bond and Dr. Who. But that's a different story."

"And now, you're Manimal," I said. "Go figure."

"What I mean to say, Miss Rothenberg," he said, trying to affirm "what" on earth he was telling me, "is that nothing that happens when you're younger should make you feel as though you were a failure at life. You're not even 18 yet!"

"So what you're saying is, don't compare yourself to others."

"Exactly," he said. "Don't feel too jealous about the glamorous people on television. You'll get there on your own time; I just know you will."

"I guess so, but I need a niche first," I said. "I've tried singing, but it hasn't done much good. What do you think I could do?"

Looking on my laptop to see what I had, Simon noticed some work I was doing on my Manimal script. Curious, he started scrolling through it, and he looked pretty intrigued. I was a bit embarrassed, but hey, I'm always nervous to show off my chops at, well, anything.

"Absolutely," he said. "Why wouldn't I appreciate someone writing about my own work?"

"Aren't you concerned about copyright infringement?" I asked nervously.

"Well, I'm the actor from the show, so I assume I could be of some assistance."

"What do you mean?"

"I probably have some connections that can get this lovely piece off the ground."

"Aww, you shouldn't have!" I told Simon, smiling.

"But, Miss Rothenberg, isn't this what you want?"

"I suppose it is," I said.