Saving Bucky (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter 37 - Hesitant Hands

"Maybe it really is just migraines, Buck."

"Bullshit, Steve. Look me in the eye and tell me somethin' ain't really wrong here."

You furrow your brow and pull the pillow over your head as muffled voices at the bottom of the stairs argue in hushed whispers. Despite the extra pill, you hadn't slept well. Between re-playing the events of the evening over and over, and the pacing footsteps that appeared outside your door each hour, you had barely gotten any sleep. 

"Okay, fine, you're right. But...I don't want to scare her."

The voices get closer as footsteps shuffle up the stairs. You pull the pillow tighter, trying to block it out. You know they're talking about you. A few months ago you may have even barged through the door and demanded that anything they have to say about you, they say to your face. 

But you're...tired. Too tired to care.

"Well neither do I. But we have to figure something out, Steve. I can't...I...she's-"

"I know, Buck."

"No, you don't, Steve," James' voice grows in anger, but he quiets. "Last night...something happened."

You pull your head out from under the pillow as the voices get even quieter. But they're now right outside your door, and you can hear them clear as day.

"Yeah," Steve says. "I thought maybe you two had...fondued?"

Your jaw drops as your face heats in painful embarrassment. What the hell kind of term is that?

 "No, punk," James scolds. "But I...we were intimate. And she had to take another one of those goddamn pills as a result."

"Buck-"

"She's got five left Steve," James says, a hint of panic in his voice. "Five. We need more time. And I'll be damned if I cause her to have less."

The voices in the hall fall quiet, but the tension in your chest suddenly lifts. The ache leftover from holding in your tears for so many hours through the night is gone in seconds as your brow furrows in confusion and simultaneous relief. James wasn't telling you he didn't want you last night...he was trying to tell you he couldn't want you. It doesn't excuse that fact that he left after promising he wouldn't. But it...helps.

"Do you have her pills?" Steve asks. "Maybe we can take one and try to...I don't know. Figure something out."

"No. I left them by her bed. In case she needed another one during the night."

"Did she?" Steve asks.

"I don't think so," James answers. "I stopped by every hour. Listened. She didn't sleep well but I didn't hear her have any more problems."

"Alright. That's a good sign," Steve says. "Go get one. I'll wait here."

"No, Steve I...I can't. You go."

"Buck, come on. She's asleep. And I'm not walkin' into your girl's room when she's not wearin' any clothes."

"You don't get it Steve," James says. "I...I don't think she even wants me to stick around. Maybe I'm better off leavin'. For good this time."

Your breath catches in your chest as part of you aches to call out to him, and the other part hides in silence.

"You're wrong," Steve says. "You shoulda seen her after you left us in those tunnels, Buck."

The men fall silent, and you squeeze your eyes shut, focused on keeping your breath even and calm. 

"She had an episode," Steve says as James remains silent. "Took me hours to get her through it."