TEEN SPIRIT

DREAMING - @seung-ie

Written by: seung-ie

JAKE SIM - ENHYPEN

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

When he was five, Jake wanted to be an astronaut.

He hung the stars inside his room. They weren't real stars. But Jake treated them like they were. He hung them inside his room and turned the lights off, watching as the room was filled with the glow of those stars, like the northern lights, enveloping him in colors that would let his mind wander to the actual stars that hung in the sky. Jake wanted to be an astronaut. He wanted to swim across the galaxies and walk across the planets. When he was five, Jake wanted to be an astronaut.

When he was eight, Jake wanted to be a teacher.

His mother was one, and it made him feel like he should try out, too. He learned to write, write and write, filling papers up with stories, with scribbles, with anything that could help him train to become a teacher, until his room became a mess of crumpled notes and broken lead. He learned to read, read and read, wishing he could remember everything that he's read, wishing he could learn about a lot of things, just as teachers do, until his room became nothing but a mess, a mess of learning, a mess of longing. Jake wanted to be a teacher. He wanted to write on chalkboards and spread encouragement to the world. When Jake was eight, he wanted to be a teacher.

When he was twelve, Jake wanted to be a lawyer.

Ace Attorney was the one that influenced him. He wanted to fight against the injustice in the world. He wanted to yell at people, too. Yelling at people seemed fun. But he wanted to become a lawyer, more importantly, because he was old enough to know that he couldn't become a superhero. Solving crime, fighting bad guys; a lawyer was the closest thing to it. He fought against bullies. He learned about social issues. He did all of the things that superheroes, or lawyers, would have done. Jake wanted to be a lawyer. He wanted the world to be more peaceful, to be more open for everyone. When he was twelve, Jake wanted to be a lawyer.

When he was seventeen, Jake was unsure.

There were a lot of things that he wanted to do. A lot of things that he wanted to be, and not enough time to be all of those at the same time. But he was older, he was older and everyone was expecting him to know, already. And he was trying. He was trying to find the right thing to be, the right path to follow, but it was difficult. It was difficult because he was no longer allowed to dream and keep everything as a dream. He was expected to act, to follow, to do something, one thing, that could mark his use in the world. Jake didn't know what he wanted to be. It was going to be such a crucial part of his life that he didn't want to be anything. When he was seventeen, Jake was unsure.

When he was twenty, Jake only wanted to support his family.

He learned that the stars were for children, aimless children. He learned that teaching was a second option, empty of passion, a tiring thing. He learned that there was too much injustice in the world, and that one lawyer couldn't possibly get rid of all of that. He learned that he didn't need to make a difference. He only needed to make money. He only needed to be

something that could make everyone proud of him. Jake wanted to be someone who could make everyone proud of him. He wanted to be a breadwinner, no matter what he was going to be. When he was twenty, Jake only wanted to support his family.

Because that's what was important, right? You just needed to make everyone proud of you, to make money, to support the family. But sometimes, when the night comes and the city refuses to sleep, Jake would stare at the neon lights and wonder if he's doing the right thing.

Those dreams of his, they weren't just simple things that a child could think of. They were wanted. They were needed. The problem was that nobody cared about dreams anymore. They only cared about numbers. They only cared about figures. They only cared about how much money you were making. They only cared about how difficult your work was going to be. They never cared if you wanted to be this, if you wanted to be that.

Life was easy, back then. You could dream. You could hope. You could wish that you were everything, until growing up pulled your head out of the clouds, made you realize your inferiorities, made you realize that all of those things; the dreaming, the hoping, the wishing; were for the young to care about and for the old to forget about.

When he was young, Jake used to stare at the sky and dreamt of the person that he wanted to be. But now he couldn't. Because those things, all of those things, were just dreams, and it was time for him to wake up.