Come, Josephine

Chapter 46

1928
   Before Jack could take my arm, I ran back to the house, went inside, and ran into Nick's room without a second thought. He stood shirtless beside the bed, a little taken aback. I didn't hesitate, and instead grabbed him by the shoulders.
   "We need to run away."
   He looked at me, as if he was weighing up my hysteria, "what? Why?"
"I've really messed up," I said tearfully, "and I've been lying- Jack's really mad at me, Nick, he's going to send you back, and this is going to be the end- I just know it- unless we leave-"
   "Hold on," he said, "what happened? Josie, come on, talk to me."
   It took a moment for me to catch my breath, and when I did, my voice was barely calm, "Jack was angry because you were in my room, and I made things worse by being selfish- again- and when I asked for you to have a room in the house, he made me promise not to ask Ruth before mamma told her about the baby- but I broke the promise, because you were in pain and it was my fault-" I gulped, "he was furious with me, and because I told Ruth the true story about when we were shot, he said that I was reckless and that you would have to go home. I couldn't tell you, because I was hoping he would change his mind, but it didn't work- and this morning I went out for a walk, and to talk to Peter- don't worry, I'll tell you about him later- and he found me, and he's furious-"
   "It's okay," he tried to console me as I finally drew a breath, "it will all work out-"
   "Don't you see?" I sobbed, "he'll never let us marry now- he said so!"
   "Oh, Josephine," his voice was low, soothing, "look, I'll talk to Jack tomorrow when things have calmed down, but I'm not doing to do it now while tensions are raised."
   "But he's going to make you leave first thing-"
   His hands were on my shoulders, "Josie, if I talk to that man now, I will punch him, and that's not going to be good for anyone, is it?"
   I nodded, slowly, and noticed how the corner of his mouth turned upwards as he swiped a thumb beneath my eye, "come on, Josie, please don't cry."
   He gave me a half-smile, and pulled away. He put on the remainder of his clothes, and when he turned to face me, I looked away, "How have I made such a mess of things? Why is Jack acting this way?"
   He sighed, "It was my fault, Josie. I showed up here, unexpected, and then climbed down from your window. I get where Jack is coming from, I really do."
   "You do?"
   "Yeah, I mean, if I had a daughter, I'd probably feel the same way. You know?"
   "I know- it's just not like him, you know?"
   "He's acting off," he admitted, "and it doesn't stop me from wanting to hit him, but he's probably stressed out, you know? There's a lot going on."
I nodded, slowly, and sat on his bed, "I might as well stay here though, right? Things can't get much worse."
"You're sure?" He said, smiling slightly, "I should look the door though, right? I mean, Jack'll still be furious."
"Yeah," I let him shut the door behind me, "maybe open the window too for a quick escape."
He laughed, "as you wish."
He locked the door and opened the window. He approached the bed, a little nervously, and sat down in silence. It took a moment for either of us to talk.
"So," he said, "who's this Peter?"
"Oh, Peter. You'll like Peter when you meet him. Well, I met him because of my clumsiness, really- I was out walking when I bumped into his horse. I was preoccupied thinking about you, actually. Anyway, it reared up and fell back on him, I'm surprised he wasn't more hurt, he was really lucky. I've been over there a few times to check on him, and we went riding the other day."
His voice was still light, "why were you over there this morning?"
"Couldn't sleep- didn't want to wake you, because you've been so tired."
He raised a hand to my face, "you can wake me up whenever you need me. You know that, don't you?"
"I also didn't want to cause another mess with Jack," I leaned into his touch, and gave a grim smile, "what will happen if he doesn't let us marry?"
He studied my face for a moment, "then we don't get married."
I looked at him in shock, and he frowned, "I'm not going to let you lose your family, Josie."
"But he's being so unfair-"
"And I'll sort things out- properly," he reassured me, "it's a long way off anyways, Josie."
"But what if it doesn't work out? Why can't we just run away?"
"I'm not sure it's the right thing to do right now, you know that, right?"
"I know, I just feel like I have no future now. You know?"
He pulled me into his arms, "I'll fix this."
I stayed in his arms for a while longer, the silence hugging our shoulders. There was something so calm, so promising, about the quiet. How could I ever move from his embrace? It was so safe in his arms, and it felt as if Jack's wrath could no longer reach us.
I was dozing in his arms when a knock sounded, "Nick, is Josie in there?"
"No, Sir," he stammered over his words, "I haven't seen her."
"Can I come in for a moment, son?"
I shot towards the window, knocking into the bedstead as I passed. The whole thing rattled, creating a ruckus which could not be missed. I froze.
"What's that noise?"
"Just a moment, Sir," Nick called through the door, "I'm just getting dressed."
I was out of the window before Nick could say another word, and I ran around to the trellis. I scaled it with great difficulty, still half asleep, but the knowledge that Nick could only delay Jack for so long spurred me on.
I struggled to unlace my boots and get into bed, before remembering to draw my curtains a little, and ruffle my hair to make it seem as if I had been sleeping. It was mere moments before I heard creaking on the stairs.
Jack cracked the door and peered around, "Josie? You in here?"
"Yeah," I murmured sleepily, trying to keep my face relax, "I'm just resting."
"You alright, kid?" I heard him approach the bed, "you look a little flushed."
"I'm just tired."
"You're sure?"
He pressed his hand to my forehead. It reminded me of all the times mamma had done so when I was little. How many times had I been ill? I had been a sickly child, I remembered, and mamma was always forced to nurse me. Sometimes, it felt as if I was sick every other week.
When you're a kid, everything seems normal. It seemed normal only having half a family, or always being sick, or having to share a bed with mamma on the coldest of nights. It had seemed normal to always have mamma by my side; how had things changed so rapidly?
"You seem a little warm," he sighed, "you feeling alright?"
"A headache," I lied, "I just need to rest for a while."
To my surprise, he stroked my hair with tenderness, and pulled the sheets up to my chin. The bed sagged where he sat down, and I felt his weight settle. He sighed, "I know it seems like I'm being unfair, Josephine, but I'm trying my best to do a good job."
When I didn't speak, he continued, "I'm just trying to do what's best for you and your ma. I really am. If I don't think Nick's a good influence, then I can't live with myself if I let him do whatever he wants to you. You know that, right? I'm sorry, Jose, I really am. You love him, I know that, but I need to be your dad. I'm just doing my job."
"So I can never marry Nick?" I whispered.
"No, I don't think so," he answered.
"But he has such a good heart, Jack. I really love him."
"I know you do, and I know Nick doesn't mean to cause these issues, but he has."
I felt my cheeks warm as my eyes began to sting. I was certain that I could feel my heart cracking, "Josie, this hurts now, I know, but for your mamma's sake and your own, I need him to go home tomorrow morning. You understand this, right?"
I ignored him, and he eventually left. I stayed in my room, and as the hours ticked by, I could feel myself worsening.
The lonesome hours had taken their toll. With each passing second, I could feel my anxiety rising. No matter which way I turned my mind, I could not find a way around my dilemma.
It was passed noon when I heard shouting downstairs.
"Sir, you don't understand- I respect you, but you don't. I really do love Josephine, and I wish her no harm. No matter what I do, I will always love her, and always have her interests at heart. I promise, Sir-"
"You promise what?" Jack shouted, "to sneak up to her room? To have relations with her? That's my daughter you're talking about, and there is no way that I can stand for this-"
"Sir, I have every intent to marry Josie, I really do-"
"And that's supposed to change my mind? Son, you have a lot to learn, you really do."
I covered my ears with my hands. I couldn't listen to another word. I was sick to my stomach, and could no longer tolerate it.
I knew that Jack would never forgive Nick, and there was nothing that could be done. There was no way that I could fix the mess that I had created. Nick would leave in the morning, and when I finally returned to Wisconsin, things would no longer be the same.
Night fell, and I only felt worse for it. Tears fell rapidly as I packed my bag. There was hardly anything to pack; a small number of dresses, my shawl, my books, and Ruth's gift to me that Nick and I could sell. I took the bag over one arm, and my coat over the other. It was then, at gone midnight, that I went downstairs.
I slipped into Nick's room wordlessly, and shut the door silently behind me. I was not surprised to see that he was still awake.
"What's going on?" I asked, "is your shoulder bothering you again?"
He shook his head, "what's up with the bag?"
"You need to pack your's," I pointed to the duffle bag he had thrown under the bed, "we don't have much time."
"This isn't the answer," he argued, his face stubborn, "you know that."
"But fighting with my father was?" I snapped, "Nick, you have no right to council me on what is right."
"Josie, I know your upset, but I'm the voice of reason. You know that, too. You know you can't abandon your family."
"But you did," I knew I was taking things too far, "you ran away to me, didn't you?"
"What's that supposed to me?" His voice was full of hurt.
"You know what it means."
He sighed, "get out. Go to bed. I don't care where you go, but I don't want you in here any longer. Leave."