His Reason to Live - Hwang Inyeop Short Story

Chapter 6: It's Time

We walked in silence as the cool breeze hit our skin. The city lights start to fill the busy city and as I look to my right, my eyes are met by the setting sun. The colors it makes are so beautiful that I can't take my eyes off of it. Is it just today that the sun created these beautiful colors? Why have I not seen this before?

"You dummy! You don't know how to appreciate things, that's why." I thought to myself. I chuckled at that thought.

"What is it?" I heard her ask.

"Nothing," I smiled at her. This is the first time I initiated a smile. That's a record!

We walked in silence again and as we walked further, I saw a familiar empty bridge. The bridge where all this craziness started. The bridge where all this will end. As we are nearing the bridge, my footsteps start to be heavy. My heart pounds faster and my palms start to sweat. I look at the girl walking alongside me. She looks so serious as she stares at her feet like she's counting her every step. What could she be thinking?

"Well," she cleared her throat as she stopped walking. I stopped on my tracks and looked at her. "I'm a person who keeps her promise. Here we are."

I looked back at the bridge which is still a few steps away from us. I looked at her again and placed both of my hands in my pocket.

"I can't walk you on that bridge. I hope you understand." She said. She's just a few steps away from me but why do I feel that she's so far? I want to reach for her, hold her, hug her. For what reason?

"This is it," she extended her hand for me to shake. "I hope I made you happy on your last day." Her eyes start to water and so are mine. But why? We are both strangers to each other. I just stared at her hands extended at me. I want to touch it and at the same time, I don't. Slowly, I lift my hand to reach hers and as our hands connected, there are these emotions I can't explain.

She pulled her hand away from mine and turned around. She starts to walk away and all I do is to watch her. My feet are stuck on where I am as my eyes are glued on her retreating back.

"Wait," I called her. I am shocked as to why I called her. What am I going to say? Why did I call her?

She stopped walking and took her seconds before she turned around. "Yes?" She smiled.

"I... um... I..." What, In-yeop? What now?

"I don't know your name yet."

She smiled her sweetest smile. "You already know it. You have already said it."

My eyebrows mushed and quizzically looked at her. "No, I haven't," I answered.

She sighed and the smiled. "Well, there's no need for you to remember. We are not going to see each other anymore anyway," she is smiling but there is sadness in her eyes. 

"Bye, In-yeop." She turns around and starts to walk away. I did the same and walked to the bridge which has been waiting for me since yesterday.

"I'm back," I whispered and sighed. My fist clenches as my stomach starts to churn at the sight of the river below me. "Missed me?"

My shaky hands gripped the railing of the bridge and as I exhaled loudly, I readied myself to jump. At the count of three. I thought to myself. One. I looked at the setting sun and admired it for the last time. Two. I can feel my heart pounding so fast like it is about to burst. I closed my eyes tightly. Here we go! Three. My arms extended and I am now in a reclined position but my hands do not want to let go. I opened my eyes and immediately pulled myself near the railing again. I hopped out of the railing and away from the bridge and with my trembling body, I raked my hair up using my hand which made it messier.

Holy shit! I almost died! That is what I wanted and now my whole body is trembling with the thought of it. This is her fault. She messed up my mind.

With my wobbly knees, I run as fast as I can. I need to see her. I have to blame her for messing up my plan. My body doesn't seem to mind that I am now catching my breath from too much running which is mixed together with the emotions I just felt at the bridge.

As I reached the main street, I immediately saw the figure of a girl I wanted to see. The girl I blame for why I did not jump off of the bridge. The girl I blame for why I am outraged right now. And the girl I should thank for why I am still alive.

"Hey!" I shouted and was about to run towards her but stopped when the light turned red. Why does she have to be at the other end of the pedestrian lane? I want to be near her. I want to tell her that it's her fault. I want to tell that she's the reason why I did not jump. I want to hug her tight and tell her how thankful I am that I met her. I want it now!

She turned around as she heard my voice. Though she's far, I can see in her face that she was stunned to see me. We both stare at each other. This is agonizing. Has the stop light been this slow? I look at the lights, my right foot impatiently tapping on the concrete floor, as I wait for it to go green.

10 seconds. As I look back at her, she is now unconscious on the floor and my head went numb at the sight. Without waiting at the go signal, I ran across the lane and dashed towards her. I didn't mind the loud honk or if I'll get hit by a car which I silently wished I won't, all I think of is to get to her right now.

"Call an ambulance!" I shouted at the crowd surrounding her as I knelt down and placed her head on my lap.