𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐲 | ✓

49

Spencer pushes his glasses up. His body is tense as I watch him from the bed, my heart beating erratically.

"Since I don't know where to start from, I'll go from the beginning." He clasps his hands, his eyes darting around the room. He inhales sharply and meets my scrutiny.

"At first you were an enigma to me. I admired how serious you were, and how you used to get done whatever you set your mind on... I truly admired that. But as I got to know you, your goals and aspiration, how you were willing to do anything for your family, it made me think highly of you. Knowing the background you came from, the person I had learned you to be... I never really believed you'd be interested in doing anything with me."

He shakes his head, forcing out a half-hearted breathy chuckle as he looks away. "I knew you had snooped around my stuff, and when you started pushing for Reimann hypothesis, I got suspicious, but I disregarded it. Not because I didn't think you'd do that, simply because it seemed too far-fetched, and the chances of you seeing that piece of paper then jumping on to solve the entire hypothesis were really low, it seemed unlikely..."

I sigh and hug myself, focusing on the nightstand next to the bed.

"Each time you said you wanted me, I-I," he stammers and shoves his hand through his hair. "A guy like me doesn't get to be with a girl like you."

I frown and turn to him, ready to open my mouth and call him out on his bullshit, but he holds up his index finger, silencing me.

"I had always been the nobody, the loser... and suddenly, a girl who had been rich her entire life, coming from the same society I had been cast out of, had everything she ever wanted, had been on all sorts of adventures was claiming to be interested in me, the boring nobody."

"I didn't use to see you like that," I mutter, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"But I'd been seeing myself like that for my entire life, and I couldn't believe you wouldn't."

I hold his gaze, my emotions running wild. Hurt, anger, frustration... I don't know what to feel.

"So I decided you just wanted to be with me for the rush of it, the thrill of breaking the rules and... being you. I tried to ignore the effect you had on me, I tried to overlook everything, but I failed. Your presence in my life was exhilarating. The things you pushed me to do, be it working on a millennium math problem, or simply breaking a fundamental rule, all of them were so fucking refreshing, intoxicating, purely exhilarating."

The back of my throat aches as a lump forms, I purse my lips to hide the slight quiver of my bottom lip.

A small smile graces his features. "You were making me brave, daring to reach for more, to try harder and push my limits farther. You turned my life upside down, and I was enjoying every damn second of it. I had never been as happy as I was when you and I started getting closer. Before you, my life was dull, tedious, and colorless, and then you came, like a lightning bolt, a streak of color in my flat monotonous life. You were becoming my everything, Gracie. Thrill, excitement, happiness, calmness, everything... and I wanted to be the same for you, even though I knew I couldn't, I still wanted to try."

Tears burn my eyes and I drop my gaze to my lap, pulling the skin around my nail, blinking away the forming tears.

"When that friend of yours said you probably have an ulterior, self-serving motive, it killed me, because it made sense. Because it aligned with my fears and doubts. That one week I stayed away from you... it was more to sort through my thoughts and emotions, to think clearly and assess what was happening and where I stood. It was too late though. It took me less than a day to figure out I had already fallen for you."