Colors [Yoonmin]

20.

"What's wrong?"

Yoongi  aggressively tapped his fingers against his knee as he stared at the wall behind him. Hoseok cleared his throat and lowered his gaze to meet his patients.

"I had a very good pizza today. Not the stale one they usually serve in the cafeteria. I literally went to purchase one down the road. It was a large one and I  ate it all. I blame it on my hectic job. I forgot to eat for twenty-four hours. Can you believe that?"

"Very well and yes I can. You're a surgeon and your life is so rushed all the time. Did you enjoy your pizza?"

Yoongi sighed, relaxing back on the red couch. "Yeah. My stomach didn't. It's not used to eating such large amounts of food at a time."

"Anything else you want to talk about?"

"I shocked a dead patient last night. I tried to revive him even though he was gone. You know, for the most part I do good with death. This particular patient just...brought back memories. It's got to be the lack of sleep."

"Yet, you're still here instead of being home and resting."

"I don't need to go home. My shift starts in a few hours. I've got everything I need here. A bed, a shower, clean scrubs and free cafeteria food."

"I think you don't want to go home because it reminds you too much of the past."

Yoongi looked at him and gulped, "Well, I don't need to go home when I'm a surgeon. I'll get paged in the middle of the night anyways. What's the point of wasting my gas? Either way, I've sold the house where my husband and I used to live. I'm staying in a crappy apartment now and it's great."

"Okay. I believe you. How are things with Jimin?"

He winced a little at his name. Once again, he started tapping on his knees repeatedly to the point his finger tips would be sore from the excessive pressure.

"After my breakdown with the patient he comforted me and I ended up kissing him."

"Okay, how does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel...every time I think about it my heart explodes with emotions. I haven't seen him since. We fell asleep and I woke up thirty minutes later. I left him and didn't say a word."

"So do you regret kissing him?"

"No." He whispered looking back down.

"That's good news. Jimin seems to be important to you and your connection is getting stronger. I can tell."

"You're not supposed to congratulate me. As my therapist you're supposed to tell me how bad this can be. How in the future I might lose him too."

"Yoongi, focusing on the past won't get you through this. It's okay to not expect things, but to ruin them before they even happen is not a way to live. If you ever want to be in a good and healthy relationship you need to focus on yourself first. You need to heal from your past otherwise you won't be able to move forward. Setbacks does not mean you're not getting better. They are a part of recovery."

"But I want him close to me. I want him to only like me and no one else." He admitted ashamed.

"You know what's the right thing to do. For now, you have to focus on you. Only you." Hoseok calmly said. Yoongi closed his eyes briefly. Sadly he knew that what he was saying was right.

Hoseok was always right.

•••

"Dr. Park—"

"Ahh!" He screamed, dropping his papers on the floor.

"Sorry sir," The nurse  apologized as he helped Jimin pick up the papers.

"I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to make you aware that I put the drain back on room 202."

"Thank you so much Jisung. I appreciate your help."

"No problem sir."

"Dr. Min told me to monitor him for fistulas. I need to make sure everything is fine. I mean I don't want the patient to develop a fistula after having a successful surgery. That could be fatal! I mean that is fatal. I just...sorry. You don't need to hear my rant."

The young nurse smiled timidly, "It's okay. I feel that way too. I had to call in another nurse to help me put that drain in. I'm fairly new at this."

"Well, I think you are doing great. Thank you again." He said once they gathered all the papers.

Once the nurse excused himself, Jimin saw that Yoongi was standing behind him. He gripped the papers tighter and swallowed down the load of nervousness.

"Good morning Dr. Min."

"Good morning. How's 202 doing? No fistula?"

"So far everything is good. No fistulas." He smiled satisfied.

"Awesome. I have another gallbladder removal at one o'clock today. Should be fairly simple." He mumbled taking another bite of the muffin he had in his hand.

Jimin was following behind wondering when he'd turn around to see him. They hadn't spoken since the kiss happened. When he woke up from that quick nap he was gone.

"Yeah. Hopefully everything will go as planned."

"Yep. The—oh shit. Emergency!" He screamed as their pagers went off.

Jimin saw that in a matter of seconds the surgeons rushed to the exit. Yoongi was one of them, leaving him behind.

He finally reacted and put down the stack of papers running to get a gown. He put it on as fast as he could and struggled to get the gloves on with his sweaty hands.

By the time he was out, the other surgeons were gathered around waiting for the ambulances to arrive. Yoongi was grinning excitedly like a little kid at a candy store.

Jimin wanted to feel that way too, but his mind was focused on the kiss. Namjoon's words echoed in his brain. "Falling in love with your resident is the worst mistake you can make."

Now he understood what he meant. He couldn't possibly be thinking of this when a major emergency was occurring. He needed to clear his mind.

"Dr. Min?"

"Yes?" He asked, still not paying him no mind. He was eagerly peeking as the sound got closer.

"Can we talk about the kiss?"

Yoongi stopped smiling and briefly looked at him, before turning away. "I don't think we should talk about it now. It was a moment of vulnerability. I was upset and I shouldn't have crossed that boundary with you."

Blood flowed down to Jimin's feet, stinging like the pricks of a thousand needles. His heart was heavy in his chest.

"So are we just pretending that the kiss didn't happen?"

Yoongi's silence gave him the answer he needed. And just like that Jimin was able to see everything clearly. Now he knew what he needed to do.

"Dr. Min, after this shift is over I would like to be off your service."

Yoongi abruptly turned to him, "What? What do you mean?""

"I want to stay friends with you, but our kiss is not something I can brush over. So for now I need space. I said I would always be here and I will, but I just need a little space. Plus, I want to explore other specialties." He smiled a little heartbroken.

As soon as he said that he ran to the ambulance that had just arrived. It was surrounded by surgeons. Yoongi remained where he was unable to move. His mind spinning at a hundred.

Now he was the one being left behind.