Colors [Yoonmin]

39.

"So my parents come over every year for thanksgiving. They do this big dinner and well... I was wondering if you wanted to come? I know it's still weeks away, but I wanted to go ahead and ask. Most likely we would have to change the dinner time multiple times due to our work schedule. You totally don't have to come. I want you to but don't feel forced to attend. I can take it. I'm not a baby and I know that you probably want to spend time with your family and I can be pretty boring sometimes. Plus, they make me cook a side dish and mine is always the worst. I just want you to have a good time and if coming to the dinner is not a good time for you then I totally get it.  It's not like we're dating. I mean, we're a thing and I think we're kind of dating. I don't know. We kiss, we hug and we fu—"

"Okay, okay. You're seriously blabbing out of control." Jin interrupted.

"What? I'm not blabbing. I'm explaining the situation to him. I don't want to sound like a weirdo when I ask him to come to my thanksgiving dinner."

"You sound like a weirdo blabbing about your horrible side dishes. Do you honestly don't want him to come?"

"Of course I do! I really want him to. It's just complicated because we're not official and I like my family. What if he doesn't? I would be put in  one of those situations where I have to pick between dick and family. And the dick is too good, Seokjin." He rambled paranoid as he grabbed him by his scrubs.

"Taehyung breathe. You're starting to sound like Yoongi. We're the stable ones, remember?"

Taehyung released a deep breath as he let go of his scrubs. "Yes, we're the stable ones. You're right. I'm overreacting."

"Just ask him and if he can't go, don't sweat it. I'm pretty sure he likes you. He has to in order to deal with your nerd talk."

"Yeah, of course he does. Otherwise he wouldn't be with me, right?"

"Right."

Taehyung nodded and shook his hands to dry the sweat. "Thanks for listening. I will go ask him right now."

"Okay! Remember not to blab too much!" He screamed as Taehyung walked down the hall.

Taehyung was so far away that he didn't quite hear his friend. Maybe he did, but decided to ignore him. He entered the medical equipment room where Jungkook had told him he'd be.

"Ahh! You scared me!" Jungkook shrieked, dropping the scalpel. He was quietly practicing for an upcoming surgery. Rumors had it that the chief surgeon was picking an intern for their first solo surgery.

"I'm sorry. I'm here to ask you a question. I will leave you alone after."

"Okay, proceed."

"I want you to join my family and I for dinner. It's not mandatory but I would greatly appreciate it. I would also like for you to like my family, again it's not mandatory but it would hurt my feelings if you didn't."

Jungkook raised his eyebrows, "Taehyung, I'm sure I will like your family. Is this dinner today? I have a night shift and I don't think I'd be able to—"

"Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I forgot to mention this dinner is for Thanksgiving."

"Ahh. That's like weeks ahead. Sure. Yeah. I can go. My family goes to visit my grandparents every year, but I haven't been able to join them because of medical school and now I'm an intern so it complicates things even more."

"Okay. That's perfect. How should I...what should I introduce you as?"

Jungkook shyly looked at the ground, "Well you could say I'm your boyfriend."

"Oh. Yeah. Uhh...you are my-my boyfriend?"

Jungkook laughed and Taehyung went into panic mode. "Oh fuck! I'm sorry if you don't want to be my boyfriend. I get it. Totally. It's okay—"

Before he could continue blabbing, Jungkook pulled him in for a hug. He kissed the top of his head and gently caressed his back. Taehyung was so tense that he couldn't relax.

"Of course I want to be your boyfriend, silly." 

And at that, Taehyung finally melted into his embrace.

•••

"Yoongi? What's the matter?" Hoseok asked concerned.

"I'm broken! Fix me!" He cried, wiping the fat tears that escaped from his eyes. He quickly ran to the couch and laid facing down on the pillow.

"Broken? Please elaborate." He said as he took a seat on his chair.

"I told you I'm broken! I can't stop crying!"

"Yoongi, I need you to look at me."

He shook his head, too embarrassed at his childish mental breakdown. Hoseok scooted his chair closer towards him, but not to the point it was uncomfortable for Yoongi. It was important to give him space and not overwhelm him more than he already was.

"If you're going to calm down I'm going to need you to listen to me. Can you trust me?"

Yoongi took a few minutes, but he finally listened to him and sat up. It was inevitable to wipe his tears. They kept spilling from his eyes making him feel like he'd drown in them.

It had been so long since he shed a tear it felt so surreal. It was both vulnerable and freeing at the same time. The constant nostalgia that was piled up on him made it feel like he had an elephant right on top of his chest. Making it hard to breathe, hard to think. 

His bones were sore from tensing his body. It was something he couldn't control. When his anxiety took over him he lost sense of himself as a person.

Almost like he was two different people. One trying to pull him towards the anxious riff and the other trying to fight back. It was very exhausting.

"Take a deep breath. Remember that I've told you when our bodies get anxious we forget the simplest thing to do which is breathing. Take deep breaths and remember to just breathe. The emotion you're feeling right now does not define you as a person."

Yoongi took deep breaths and felt the soreness on his chest expand all over him. Once he stabilized his breath he could feel his nerves slowly going down. How could he have forgotten such an easy step?

"What's wrong?" Hoseok asked once he was more calm.

"I'm fucking crying." He whispered as his eyes flooded with tears once again.

"Okay, okay. What's in the bag?" Hoseok wondered as his eyes scanned the large brown paper bag beside Yoongi's feet. He had run inside holding the bag, but didn't mention it at the time.

"That thing is the reason I'm crying. Look at this!" He screamed pulling out a bright yellow sweater.

Hoseok looked at it and noticed how Yoongi's soft weeping picked up. He looked back at Yoongi reassuringly. 

"Why does it make you cry?"

"I was shopping for Jimin's birthday present and as I was looking for something to buy I saw this! I just—I can't explain the way I felt when I looked at this bright thing. It literally hurt my eyes to look at it and I started crying. I can't stop crying because up until now I feel like I've been walking around with dull lenses in my eyes. After my husband died I couldn't see things the way I used to. Nothing was the same. My coffee even tasted weird. As I got closer to Jimin I've noticed that everything is slowly reverting to the way it once was."

He took a deep breath to continue speaking, "My coffee tastes like coffee. My sleep is actually restful. I can feel the sun piercing my skin.  Every time I touch Jimin I feel the blood inside of me rush. And today for the first time, I can finally see how truly bright yellow is. When he told me that yellow was his favorite color I couldn't understand why. The yellow I was seeing was pale and opaque, but now I can see it. I don't know why I'm crying. I feel so stupid."

Hoseok smiled, getting up from his chair to sit next to him. He knew that touching wasn't precisely allowed in therapy, but he had known Yoongi for years. In certain cases like these, words weren't enough to comfort.

So, he slowly reached over to wipe his tears. Yoongi flinched a little at his touch. He wasn't used to it. The only other time he'd been touched by Hoseok was the first session after his husband died. It'd been years.

"Am I not broken?" Yoongi whispered to the smiling Hoseok.

"No, Yoongi. You're just in love."