Perfect strangers

Chapter 53

Alone.

He wasn't sure how he messed up so much in such a short amount of time but he knew was to blame. Meredith had been nothing but supportive but he was pushed her away. But he just wanted to be better. To be a father and partner that his girls so desperately deserved.

Things were finally getting better for them but Derek just couldn't seem to control his anger. If he had just been more aware of the road around him then none of this would have happened, all of this was his fault. For the first few days, things had been great but after too many arguments and screaming matches it had pushed them to the edge. They no longer spoke unless it was about Annie and he hated it, he just wanted things to be back to the way they were.

So that is why he had went to sleep alone and that's exactly why he had woken up that way. But it was nothing new to him anymore. He was always alone.

Waking up, her groaned loudly and finally pried his eyes open and allowed them to adjust to the light before looking over to the empty spot next to him. All he wanted was for Meredith to be back his side, snoring away. He was even missing the snoring at this point.

By being the way he was, he knew he was missing out on seeing Annie grow and learn everyday. At night, he would stand over the Moses basket with his hand on her chest just to make sure she was still breathing. After the accident, he kept having nightmares that both Meredith and Annie were dying and he couldn't get to them in time.

Finally, he pulled himself out of bed and decided to go and join Meredith downstairs. Even when they weren't on the best of terms, they always made sure to have breakfast together and make small talk.

Grabbing his jumper, he gently pulled it over his head before heading downstairs, his hand going to run through his hair. Usually, when he descended down the stairs he was met by the sound of music or a tv show playing for Annie in the background as she sat in her bouncer.

But today there was nothing. The house was absolute silent.

"Mer?" Derek shouted as he looked into every room, looking for any sign of life. "Hello?"

Heading into the kitchen, he found a note with his name on leaning up against his favourite mug. He would recognise that handwriting anywhere and he was certain his heart was going to shatter when he read that note.

With a shaky hand, he reached out and picked the note before slowly unfolding it.

'Der,
I hate that it has come to this but I've had to go. This isn't a permanent thing but I can't bare to live in silence anymore because it hurts too much to live with you and not be able to love you the way I want to love you. And the way I want you to love me. I won't keep Annie away from you, I know how much you adore each other but until things get better, we need the space. I'll be staying with your mom for a couple of days, so you aren't worrying about where we are.

I love you,
Mer x'

He felt like his life had just been ripped out from under him, everything he knew was gone and it was all his fault. He had done this by being too proud to admit that he needed help.

This was it now, the final straw. He knew if he didn't get help then he would end up losing his family forever and he couldn't do that. He wouldn't be able to go on if he didn't have family by his side.

The urge to grab a bottle of scotch from the cupboard consumed his body as he stared ahead blankly but continued to clutch the note in his hand. But he knew if he was too drink it would put him even further back from getting Meredith back.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he scrolled through his photos, looking back at the times that they were happy. He used to take discrete photos of Meredith all the time, whenever he thought she looked beautiful, he would take a photo, even if she was doing something as basic as washing up.

But the photos that he loved the most was the photos of Meredith and Annie. His girls. Annie reminded him so much of Meredith, when we she was sleeping, her small mouth would hang open as she snored lightly.

"I promise I will get better." He said as he ran his finger over the photo, his face tracing Annie's features. "I will be the daddy you truly deserve."

It wasn't clear how he was going to get things back to normal but he knew he had to start with himself. Since the accident he had changed drastically and he knew he would never be the man he was before but he would become a better and stronger man.

Scrolling through his phone, he came across Meredith's number and dialled it and waited for her to answer. But it went straight to answer phone and he sighed but decided to leave her a message anyways.

"Hey mer, it's me Derek." He laughed slightly at himself. "Which you will already know, but I just wanted to say I got your note and I'm not angry at you. For walking away. I get it. I would have done the same. I just wanted to know I'm going to work my hardest to become the man you deserve and the father Annie deserves. I'm glad you went to my moms, I am. But I want you to know that you can always rely on me from now on, so if you did anything, no matter how small, I am here. I love you so much Mer, bye."

The tears streamed gently down his face as he ended the call and placed his phone down on the table and dropped his head into his hands.

He was going to turn his life around and that was going to start today and that all started with getting the professional help he so desperately needed.