AAMININ KO NA, GUSTO KITA.

IV

Pain is the greatest evidence on how we love. You never really loved when you don't feel pain.

In love, dapat alam natin kung kailan dapat manatili pa at kung kailan dapat nang bumitaw kasi kapag nagmahal ka hindi lamang pananatili ang basehan kundi ang pagpapalaya kapag alam mong dapat nang bumitaw kahit na mahal mo pa.

•••••••••••••••

STILL CY's

Mahal pa rin kita. Mahal na mahal kita at natatakot ako sa pagmamahal na yun. Sobrang mahal kita kaya natatakot ako na kapag binitawan ko yun—yun ang maging dahilan to break us apart even more.

All or nothing.

"Cy, I love you. Mahal kita--"

"Alam ko." Maiksi kong tugon sa sinasabi niya. "Alam ko at nararamdaman ko pero--"

Nakikita ko kung paano ang pagtaas baba ng kaniyang mga balikat habang binalot muli kami ng katahimikan.

I wipe my own tears away before I walked to him—to lift his head and meet his gaze. He hugged like I am a glass na iniingatan niyang huwag mabasag.

"Masakit pala noh?" He said as he slowly untangled himself from my hug.

"Mas masakit pala yung alam ko naman na mahal mo rin ako pero laging may kasunod na pero--sana hindi ko na lang nararamdaman na mahal mo rin ako, siguro sa ganoon hindi gaano kasakit..."

I breathe deeply.

I tried to be calm. Bitting my lower lip to suppress the overflowing emotions I am feeling as of the moment.

Wala nang mas masakit pa sa nangyayari sa amin ngayon. Two people who love each other, now straining the fact that no matter how they try, still--they cannot be together.

I saw him looked at me.

A bitter smile escaped from my lips.

"Mas mabuti na rin siguro na ganito, Xyle..." I am not yet done with what I am saying but he already intervene.

"What happened to us?"

FLASHBACK

First day of my freshmen year.

I was astounded but more of seizing the moment of being a college student.

That time I was busy looking for my classroom. In my schedule it was indicated that B4-203 for my first subject.

"Uhm, Hi?" I shyly asked the man standing near the door of the room.

He just looked at me.

Sa isip isip ko, ang antipatiko naman nito. Sino ba siya para hindi ako pansinin? Nakakasira siya ng first day.

Dumirediretso na lang ako ng pasok sa classroom, assuming and praying that I went to the right and designated class.

I decided to focus my attention on my phone since I know no one yet.

"Hi?" Then I saw a hand laid in front of me. Hindi pa ako nagtataas ng tingin dahil baka mamaya ay nanttrip lang to.

"Hi? Miss?" then he waved his hand. Ang kulit naman nito.

I was about to accept his hand for handshake pero mabuti na lang talaga at tinignan ko muna siya. Oh, the audacity of this man. Yes, siya lang naman yung dapat na pagtatanungan ko kanina pero hindi ako pinansin man lang.