AAMININ KO NA, GUSTO KITA.

XI

There's a point in our lives where we experience unwanted episodes—the endless crying without knowing the reason of your tears or you know you just can't accept the truth that it holds.

Just like Cy. Crying all day, locked up in her room. But no matter how broken you got, no matter how many tears you've cried—laging may isang taong titindig at dadamay sayo.

Everyone have their own 'person' in life, yung iba alam nila kung sino yung 'person' na iyon, yung iba naman andiyan na sa tabi nila pero masyado silang bulag at manhid to know that—that person is the 'person'.

CY's

I thought that—that tear drying night was down the line but no, another day another episode but I need to upend it. I only have few days before the most vacillating day of my life and I need to settle a lot and setting aside my cathexis is the first thing on list.

To: Mommy Globe
Mom, Can we talk? If you are free, if not then okay maybe next time na lang if your sched is free. This is Cyrine.

I hope she doesn't change her number. Tito Al was the one who gave her contact details.

I busied myself while waiting for my mother's response.

Xyle is not here. Ihinatid niya si Czar sa bahay nila Tito Al. Czar was still stiff with me, nagpaalam naman siya kanina sa akin pero alam ko na may iba but I understand her, she needs time to let this things sink in.

I saw a pen beside my bedside table, I don't know what urge me to do this but I just found myself writing a letter addressed to Xyle. Maybe guts?

I wrote the letter as if I am his wife already—kahit man lang sa sulat, naranasan ko na maging asawa siya. I hate to jump into conclusions but unexpected circumstances can come at gusto ko handa ako kapag dumating iyon. Tomorrow is never promised...Hindi ko alam pero nakakaramdam ako ng takot at kaba na para bang may mangyayaring hindi maganda.

A beep from my phone caught my attention.

From: Mommy Globe
Pupunta ako sa bahay mo.

That's her only reply. Short and straight to the point, but atleast she'll go here.

Then suddenly memories from the past came in and in a snap my tears rushed down. I never really hated mom, Ibigay man sa akin lahat ng rason para kamuhian siya pero hindi eh, hindi ko kaya kasi mas nangingibabaw pa rin yung respeto ko sa kaniya bilang ina ko despite all the hurtful things that they did.

Gusto kong paniwalain yung sarili ko na naipit lang din yung nanay ko--between her mom and me—her child...Kaya mas pinili niya na manahimik and not to defend me from her own mother, na wala siyang ginawa, that she did not stood beside me nung panahon na kailangan ko siya...Nung una, nagalit ako—nasaktan ako kasi sariling nanay ko walang nagawa para ipagtanggol ako, but now I leave everything that happened before, gusto ko ng kalimutan lahat ng sakit at hinanakit that my past had caused me.

-

It was high noon when Cy's mother arrived at her home.

"Ma, tuloy po kayo." Cy humbly said as she welcomed the sophisticated woman standing in her front door.

Adelfa, Cy's mother just followed.

Adelfa welcomed herself and took a seat. She might not show it but God knows how proud she is of her daughter. By simply looking at her daughter's abode--she can say that her daughter really succeeds despite everything that had happened.

"Baka po may gusto kayo? Inumin?—" Adelfa then interrupted her daughter.

She doesn't show any emotions on her face. Adelfa knows, she knows already the reason why Cy wanted to talk to her. And she'll mean it, matagal na niyang gustong kausapin ang anak, hindi niya lamang magawa dahil nahihiya siya sa anak niya.